23 great (or awful) horsey jokes to put a smile on your face

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  • Having a good sense of humour is a real help when you’re involved in horses, but whether your life revolves around your equine companions or not, there some great horse jokes that we can all appreciate, especially when your horse has lost yet another shoe, needs the vet for the third time in three days, or you get soaked through to the skin, again, caring for their every need…

    So if you need a little pick-me-up, we bring you some of the best (or perhaps worst!) equine gags doing the rounds on the internet to help put a smile on your face. And if they don’t cut it with your mates, you could always try our favourite funny dog jokes.

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    23 funny horse jokes to enjoy

    1. A horse walks into a bar. The barman confuses idioms with jokes and offers him a glass of water, but can’t make him drink.

    2. I put a bet on a horse to come in at 10 to 1 – and it did! Unfortunately all the others came in at 12.30.

    3. A horse walks into a bar. The barman asks: “Why the long face?”

    4. I put a bet on a horse that had excellent breeding. After the horse left the starting gate, he stopped and closed it behind him.

    5. A horse walks into a bar. “Hey,” says the barman. “Yes please,” says the horse.

    6. What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race? Sherbet.

    7. Have you heard the one about the runaway horse? It’s a terrible tale of WHOA!

    8. Where do horses go when they’re sick? The horsepital.

    9. What’s black and white and eats like a horse? A zebra.

    10. Why should you never be rude to a jump jockey? In case he takes offence.

    11. What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Neighbours of course.

    12. A pony went to the doctor complaining about having a sore throat. The doctor said: “It’s OK, you’re just a little horse.”

    13. Some racehorses are staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. “In the last 15 races, I’ve won eight of them!”

    Another horse breaks in: “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!”

    “Oh that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 28!” says another.

    At this point, the horses notice a greyhound, who has been sitting there listening. “I don’t mean to boast,” says the greyhound, “but in my last 90 races, I’ve won 88 of them!”

    The horses are clearly amazed. “Wow!” says one, after a hushed silence. “A talking dog!”

    14. How do you spell ‘Hungry Horse’ in four letters? MTGG.

    15. A jockey is walking down the road leading a racehorse when he bumps into a friend. “What are you planning to do with that nag?” the man asks. “Race it,” replies the jockey, surprised. “Well, by the look of it,” the man says, “You’ll win!”

    16. How can you tell a police horse from a normal horse? The police horse goes “Neigh-naw-neigh-naw-neigh-naw”.

    17. Why did the man stand behind the horse? He was hoping to get a kick out of it

    18. How do you make an appaloosa? Shake the tree

    19. Which type of cheese do horses like best? Masc-a-pony

    20. What sort of horses come out after dark? Nightmares

    21. When does a horse talk? Whinny wants to!

    22. What disease are horses most scared of getting? Hay fever

    23. What kind of bread does a horse eat? Thoroughbred

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