Today (15 January 2017) is known as Blue Monday — supposedly the most depressing day of the year. So here are some of the best equine gags doing the rounds on the internet to cheer you up. Or the worst. You decide!
1. A horse walks into a bar. The barman confuses idioms with jokes and offers him a glass of water, but can’t make him drink.
2. I put a bet on a horse to come in at 10 to 1 – and it did! Unfortunately all the others came in at 12.30.
3. A horse walks into a bar. The barman asks: “Why the long face?”
4. I put a bet on a horse that had excellent breeding. After the horse left the starting gate, he stopped and closed it behind him.
5. A horse walks into a bar. “Hey,” says the barman. “Yes please,” says the horse.
6. What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race? Sherbet.
7. Have you heard the one about the runaway horse? It’s a terrible tale of WHOA!
8. Where do horses go when they’re sick? The horsepital.
9. What’s black and white and eats like a horse? A zebra.
10. Why should you never be rude to a jump jockey? In case he takes offence.
11. What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Neighbours.
12. A pony went to the doctor complaining about having a sore throat. The doctor said: “It’s OK, you’re just a little horse.”
13. Some racehorses are staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. “In the last 15 races, I’ve won eight of them!”
Another horse breaks in: “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!”
“Oh that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 28!” says another.
At this point, the horses notice a greyhound, who has been sitting there listening. “I don’t mean to boast,” says the greyhound, “but in my last 90 races, I’ve won 88 of them!”
The horses are clearly amazed. “Wow!” says one, after a hushed silence. “A talking dog!”
14. How do you spell ‘Hungry Horse’ in four letters? MTGG.
Some people might call it time wasting. We see it more as important festive fun. Sit back and enjoy these…
15. A jockey is walking down the road leading a racehorse when he bumps into a friend. “What are you planning to do with that nag?” the man asks. “Race it,” replies the jockey, surprised. “Well, by the look of it,” the man says, “You’ll win!”
For all the latest equestrian news and reports, don’t miss Horse & Hound magazine, out every Thursday