12 reasons your horse is better than your ex

  • We’ve all been there, whether you were dumped or were the one that did the dumping, ex-boy/girlfriends are almost inevitable. But never fear, because you will soon realise that your horse is just so much better than your pesky ex, and God forbid if they ever asked you to choose between them and the horse — it’s a no-brainer

    1. The money you spend on your horse is 100% more justifiable than the money you spent on your ex — after all your horse definitely needs that new rug a great deal more than your ex needed that cashmere jumper.

    2. Your horse doesn’t call you in an inebriated state at 3am telling you how much he loves you (although maybe your horse calling you for a chat would be nice once in a while…?)

    3. You don’t have to doll yourself up after riding your horse each evening prior to your boy/girlfriend coming round for supper.

    4. You don’t have to cater for your ex’s high-protein diet any more. The money you save on steak means you can now afford to register with British Showjumping. Every cloud…

    5. You no longer have to argue your case about how going to a dressage competition at the weekend is far more important than spending ‘quality time’ with your ex.

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    6. You can finally wash your horse‘s entire rug/numnah/bandage collection in the washing machine at home without getting an earful about rogue horse hairs appearing on your ex’s work clothes.

    7. You can now go to that three-day event you were planning instead of using up valuable holiday time to go on — pointless and altogether far less exciting — mini-breaks.

    8. Your horse doesn’t judge you for spending five days camping in your horsebox at a show. In fact, he thinks it’s pretty cool and you should do it more often — he most definitely would never accuse you of a being a ‘horsey caravanner’.

    9. You don’t have to meet your horse’s parents before you commit to each other, nor do you have to meet their questionable friends.

    10. Your horse can never talk back. Bliss.

    11. You can get your horse’s testicles removed if he starts behaving in an inappropriate manner. Sadly this service isn’t available for ex-boyfriends.

    12. Your horse loves you just the way you are — hay in hair, mud under fingernails and won’t mention anything when your breeches appear to be getting a little tight.

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