26 of the best (OK, weirdest) horse names we have ever heard

From Broomstick the skinny thoroughbred who liked to take off, to the German-bred Kraut, some funny horse names are so bad, they’re unforgettably good…

1. Houdini

Obvious reasons, found wandering around the stable yard.

2. Bunny Killer

Real name Murphy but nick-named Bunny Killer as he trampled some rabbits to death in his field.

3. Badly

Always amusing to hear: “next in, we have Jo Bloggs riding Badly”…

4. Clear So Far

Talk about jinxing every jumping round and being condemned to a life of having the first fence down.

5. Prudence

She opened gates, her stable door, untied ropes, went into the feed room and flipped up lids, and even climbed through electric fencing. But she always weighed up the pros and cons of her actions so she never got hurt.

6. Bandit

A Shetland pony. He was very naughty and always up to mischief. A perfect match for his name.

7. Hannibal Lector

Used to kill rats in his stable. Also one day turned to the horse in the stable next door and bit its tongue out.

8. Snoreen

He actually snores when he’s asleep. It’s hilarious.

9. Puff

This little grey pony farted a lot at Pony Club.

10. Wotsit

We could never remember his name. We’d say “Y’know, what’s his name”, and eventually Wotsit stuck.

11. Lucky Strike

Turned out to be a ringer. Not such a lucky strike!

12. Trauma

He had a difficult birth. Life was a bit of an uphill struggle for him with that name.

13. Heidi

A 12hh Welsh mountain pony. She was palomino with long blonde locks.

14. Nipper

A 14.2hh New Forest/thoroughbred who used to mistake hair for hay.

15. Spirit Of Independence

She was born on 4 July… Independence day. But she was certainly a ‘free spirit’ and would ditch her rider at any given opportunity.

16. Pants

His actual stable name is Smartie, but somewhere along the line this evolved into Smartie-pants, then just Pants. Cue funny looks calling his name at shows.

17. Broomstick

A skinny bay thoroughbred who liked to take off.

18. Frog

He was imported from France.

19. Kraut

She was German-bred.

20. Treasure

A 12hh Welsh chestnut mare and a total pain in every way possible. Banned from Pony Club. Had a nasty rearing habit. Not a Treasure in any way, shape or form.

21. VIP

Which has, bizarrely, been elongated for his stable name into Very Important Peanut — or Peanut if we’re feeling lazy.

22. Hoarse

A Canadian horse with a minor respiratory problem. Bit of a cruel name, but also inspired.

23. OP

He’s ginger and it stands for Orange Pony. He is even freezmarked OP.

24. Horsey McHorseFace

A racehorse named after Boaty McBoat Face. He is now in training in Australia.

Continued below…

25. Massey

She was hugely fat when she arrived, so she got called Massey (as in Fergurson) before anyone checked the name in her passport.

26. Fab

She isn’t. She’s just generally angry about life and likes to make her feelings plain.

  • Does your horse have a funny name? Let us know by emailing hheditor@timeinc.com and we may add it to our list…