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6 excuses that only a horsey person would use

There are definitely some classic excuses that only an equestrian could get away with using.

Have you ever said any of these six excuses — which only make sense coming from a horsey person’s mouth — when trying to get out of something?

1. ‘I’m covered in poo’ (or mud or haylage)

Out of context this would sound like a very strange excuse, unless you have a young toddler, but equestrians are all too familiar with the lashings of dirt and muck that gather on your clothes and under your nails after a mucking out session. Horsey people can’t simply leave the yard and head straight to brunch — they need to nip home and remove the eau de horse before heading out. Your friends might be annoyed that you’re a little late, but in the long run they’ll be grateful you didn’t rock up in your jodphurs and horse poo coated T-shirt…

2. ‘I’m competiting tomorrow’

While your non-horsey friends have hobbies of their own, most of them will participate for fun, unlike you who has their eye on the prize and spends most weekends cantering round a field in pursuit of a piece of ribbon. They find it fascinating that you actually compete in competitions and seem to think this means you’re en-route for the next Olympics. Just don’t tell them that you were the only one in your class when they ask how you got on…

3. ‘My horse needs feed/water’

No one can deny your horse the basic need of food and water, even if you secretly know that all he really wants is a carrot and a cuddle, and you will oblige as he’s incredibly spoilt.

4. ‘I fell off yesterday’

To your friends the thought of falling off your 16.2hh horse at pace sounds terrifying, so they’ll definitely understand why you have to pass on this evening’s gathering. They might even send epsom salts and wine. Maybe just leave out the fact that your fall wasn’t actually from your horse, but happened when you tripped over the mounting block while trying to get on…

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5. ‘I need to save my money as he needs new shoes’

People know horses are expensive, though they might be left scratching their heads when you mention a horse wearing shoes.

6. ‘I have to muck out, again’

In the eyes of your friends and family, all you seem to do is muck out. And come to think of it, it really is all you do!

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