‘Twas the night before Christmas… (an equestrian version)

  • ‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the yard

    Not a creature was stirring; the ground froze too hard

    The stockings were hung by the stables with care,

    In hopes that the yard owner soon would be there

    The horses were nestled all snug in their straw,

    Except for the Shetland, who’d forced open his door

    And husband in his boxers, and I with my booze

    Had just settled our brains for a long winter snooze

    When out on the drive there arose such a clatter,

    I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter

    Away to the window I flew like a flash,

    Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

    The moon on the Shetland showed just what he’d done

    Gone round all the doors, wide open, every one

    Then what to my wondering eyes did I see

    But a miniature pony, and eight loose liveries

    With that little old gelding, so lively and quick,

    I knew in a moment he must be St Nick.

    More rapid than eagles, to the garden they came

    And I whistled and called all the horses by name

    But not a blind bit of notice they took, not a pardon

    Through the vegetable patch and on to the garden

    As I drew in my head, and was turning around,

    In the yard Super Groom arrived with a bound.

    She was dressed in LeMieux, from her head to her toe,

    And her clothes were all tarnished with mud splats and snow;

    A bundle of baler twine flung on her back,

    And she looked like a peddler just opening her pack.

    She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work,

    And caught all the horses; then turned with a jerk,

    She sprang to the Shetland and tied his door fast,

    And away she drove, all drama had passed.

    But I heard her exclaim, ere she drove out of sight –

    “Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

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