Electric fencing for horses – so useful, yet so infuriating. Whether it’s trying to set up your poles in a straight line, or trying to untangle your tape, these 10 commandments are sure to sound familiar to any horse owner who’s had to deal with it.
1. Do not covet thy neighbour’s electric fence, with its pristine posts and perfectly straight tape without a knot to be seen, for it will not stay like that.
2. However carefully thou coil the electric tape, thou shall find it in what is technically known as a “bugger’s muddle” when thou come to use it again.
3. Should ye try to build a fence with two strands of tape, however hard ye try, ye shall not achieve tautness in both strands. One shall for ever sag.
4. However careful ye shall be in disconnecting the power supply, there shall come a time when ye will get a shock. And it will not be pleasant.
5. Thou shalt always forget the pain of running the tape through thine hands as you coil it, until those spiky metal bits inside make their presence felt.
6. Blessed is he whose post spikes do not somehow bend themselves at 45-degree angles while in the ground, so they can’t then be used anywhere else, for he is truly rare.
7. Whenever ye maketh an attempt to create a fence, the ground into which ye will try to stick thine posts will be in one of two conditions: too hard or too wet.
8. Do not be fooled by thy horse’s innocent face and the fact he pretends not to approach when thou disconnecteth thy battery to charge it. He will charge as soon as the power is off and thine back is turned… straight through the fence.
9. However many posts you have, and however long be your electric tape, you will have just too few of the former and just too short of the latter to make the fence thy desired length.
10. At some point in all horses’ lives will come the moment of realisation: that with a thick rug on, it matters not whether the fence is electrified as they can walk straight through it. So all the above points are academic, anyway.
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