OK, so we’ve only limited sympathy for the more Amazonian amongst us, who can hop onto a 17hh horse as easily as stepping on a mounting block, and always look the part in long riding boots. But, we concede, they do have a few problems of their own to contend with…
1. If you ride short you run the risk of kneeing yourself in the chin — well, nearly. Your knees are so far forward that they are hanging over the front of the knee rolls, which neatly leads us to…
2. Say hello to expensive custom-made saddles that actually fit you and your horse. Off-the-peg saddles just don’t seem to do both. And while you’re saying hello, say goodbye to what’s left of your bank balance — for the next year while you pay that off…
3. Even on a 16hh, you look like a child that’s massively outgrown his or her first pony.
4. Only on a horse 17hh or above do you actually look normal. Well, from a distance. Up close, you’re clearly very tall and are riding a huge mystical beast.
5. Feeding the huge mystical beast gets expensive, too. Turns out huge mystical beasts eat a lot of hay. An awful lot.
6. Everyone expects you to jump big, on your big horse, no matter how many times you point out that the scale of the jumps has nothing to do with your desire or ability to jump them. And that you prefer dressage anyway.
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7. You’re always being asked to get the saddles down from the upper saddle racks. Having Mr Tickle arms is both a blessing and a curse.
8. On hacks, your short friends on their small horses can ride merrily under low-hanging branches and canter through overgrown woods. If you try that, you’re likely to find yourself hanging from a branch — or out cold.
9. Women’s clothes are not always designed for the more Amazonian physique. Breeches, jacket sleeves, boots — they’re often just that bit too short. Either it’s bespoke tailoring all the way or you find yourself venturing into the men’s department – either way it means paying over the odds for everything. No cheap ‘n’ cheerful breeches bought in the sale for you sadly.
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Amanda Vlietstra is a freelance writer and editor who’s worked for a number of national magazines and websites. Having thrown herself back rural living with gusto since moving from London to Buckinghamshire in 2012, she juggles her horsey life with work and two small children. She claims to do dressage, but really just potters about having fun on her 14.2hh Belgian Warmblood mare, Roxy. She also enjoys a good gossip over a coffee in the tackroom!
