Whether you’re a pro, a leisure rider or somewhere in between, you are sure to relate to these 11 tongue-in-cheek scenarios which only horsey folk will understand…
1. Has £3.20 in bank account — orders matching headcollar, fleece and leg bandage set in three different colours because it has a 10% discount.
2. “I don’t think I’m in a position to buy another horse” — spends most evenings scrolling through social media and replying to adverts with “do you have any more pictures?”
3. Friday evening: promises other half that they will have a weekend off competing — Sunday morning comes around: will most definitely be found on a UK motorway in the lorry trekking to some far away competition because “the judges are great”.
4. “He’s snaffle-mouthed” — said while clinging on for dear life across a stubble field at the end of the summer.
5. Cleans house once a month (if lucky) — cleans horse’s stable twice a day to immaculate standards.
6. Tells friends she’s ready to find the perfect man — buys a grey gelding.
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7. Seven-year-old child says he doesn’t want to do lead-rein anymore — seven-year-old child WILL continue to do lead-rein (he didn’t have to pay for that custom made tweed outfit…).
8. Is 5ft3 with heels — buys a 17hh Hanoverian.
9. Has absolutely nothing to wear to the cousin’s wedding — horse has nine sweat rugs, six stable rugs and four turnouts of varying thicknesses.
10. “I really want a holiday but I have no time or money” – books two weeks off work for the summer championships.
11. Eats beans on toast for the whole week before pay day — horse is on a complex diet of oils, fibre and expensive balancer and is fed three times a day.
With the competition season underway, most middle-aged riders will occasionally find themselves in a reflective mood, usually vacillating between ‘hell,
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Former H&H showing editor and deputy features editor
Born and raised in the Lake District, Alex has grown up on the showing scene. She has qualified and competed ponies at the Royal International, Horse of the Year Show and Olympia and has first-hand knowledge of the current issues in the showing world as well as the horses, ponies and riders who compete in the sport. Alex joined H&H in January 2018 as showing editor, cementing its place as the leading equestrian publication for both showing reports and current showing news in the UK. She moved on in October 2024 to pursue other opportunities, but continues to write for us on a freelance basis.
