‘Oh look, there’s a piebald car’ — and 12 other thoughts riders have while driving

Life’ a daily struggle for riders — sometimes it just doesn’t feel like everyone else on the road is speaking our language…

1. Oh look, there’s a piebald car. Yes, I genuinely had this thought last week when I spotted a car which had one dark panel while the rest of it was white.

2. That car’s numberplate is WHP — I wonder if there’s a working hunter pony on board?

3. Why are you halting on the outside track? This arena is busy enough without having to dodge round you. (Translation: why can’t you move out of the outside lane if you want to drive at 55mph?)

4. Why aren’t we passing left to left? Surely that’s going to lead to a crash?

5. This car in front is jolly slow. Why doesn’t the rider give it a kick or a tap with the whip?

6. This horsebox feels very stiff around corners. Maybe some suppling exercises or gridwork would help?

7. This warm-up ring is very crowded. (Translation: it’s rush hour.)

8. I wonder if my car is going to shy at that paper bag in the hedge? I’d better start using my inside leg and turning his head to keep him on his line…

9. That person in front is a terrible driver. I bet they never passed their riding and road safety test.

10. This car behind me keeps getting too close. Does she want to get kicked? Maybe I should tie a red ribbon to my tow bar.

11. Can I tie my car up here? There are no yellow lines — but there doesn’t seem to be any baler twine attached to the fence…

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12. Someone tall has been riding this car — I need to shorten my stirrups. (Translation: I need to move my seat nearer to the pedals.)

13. I’m going to be late because I took a wrong turning — but hey, at least I wasn’t eliminated…

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