Hovis’ Friday diary: how is this my life? I have a crater in my foot filled with pink foam

Dear diary,

So, after last week’s revelations that I’m going to be teaming up with the amazingly talented and all-round good sport, the legend that is Mary King at Belton International Horse Trials in April, fans have been stirring themselves into a frenzy. After all, it’s not every day that you get to work with such a famous superstar — and by all accounts Mary is handling the pressure extremely well…

One of the stumbling blocks in my preparation plans was the enormous hole Herman the German Needle Man had created in my foot as he tunnelled for pus (or possibly Australia, from the size of it). So on Monday, Cool New Shoes Man stepped up to fix this with a nifty plate across my shoe and some squishy stuff that looked scarily pink from my vantage point peering over his shoulder. I haven’t managed to get a decent look at it but I’m pretty sure I have a crater filled with pink foam in my foot. How is this my life?!

What all this does mean is that she-who-must-be-obeyed and Aunty Em are stepping up the work again. Even more scarily because mother is going on holiday tomorrow then the boss lady has been brought in to school me; now people may wonder why this would scare me. The boss lady is a very lovely petite lady who weighs probably eight stone soaking wet, but my lord she knows every evasion trick in the book, has thighs of steel and an ability to scare me into an outline just by looking at me. In essence, any hope I had of relaxing while mother was away has vanished like a cream cake at a weight watcher meeting.

I am however also excited to finally meet the lovely lady who paid a ridiculous amount of money to ride me back at Your Horse is Alive 2016 when we raffled the opportunity off to raise money for the Wilberry the Wonder Pony charity, started by the inspirational Hannah Francis. Since she paid the money I broke my leg, have undergone cataract surgery and have more recently been crippled with a massive abscess, so we’ve not been able to fulfil our commitment. Well, mother may be broke and two steps away from a nervous breakdown, but I am now back on the mend so now I can give this wonderfully generous lady a ride she won’t forget. As it will take place at the home of great eventing, surrounded by some of the best event riders in the sport then I think Hannah might have found that strangely fitting.

Continued below…

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Hovis’ Friday diary: this is massive — I have waited for this moment my whole life

So, who’s coming to Belton? There’s a few special tickets left from what I’ve been told, from which the proceeds go to the equine charity Bransby Horses. You get entry into the competition, access a fun-packed day of fantastic riding, get to witness eventing history being made, meet a mega star and potentially win some really cool stuff. You will also get a pre-order of my sixth book which is due out latest this year. I know — if Carlsberg made days, out right?!

There won’t be a diary next week as she-who-does-the-typing-only-but-takes-credit-for-my-creative-flare is on holiday, so I will update you on my training and timings and so on for the days at Belton. I can’t wait to see as many of you as possible.

Laters,

Hovis

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