Hovis’ Friday diary: this is massive — I have waited for this moment my whole life

  • Dear diary,

    So, operation “get back to training” is on again following the minor drama of “abscess gate” the other week and the vast quantity of pussy nastiness that has been pouring out of my foot.

    I am feeling MUCH better. I demonstrated this to mother when she turned me out for a few hours on Saturday morning in blizzard like conditions as the miniature beast from the east dropped a not-insignificant amount of the white stuff on our heads.

    Despite her turning me out with my foot encased in pink vet wrap (thankfully hidden under the vast swathes of silver gaffer tape she deemed fit to wrap around my foot such that I looked like an explosion at 3Ms headquarters), I still turned inside the gate to give her a cuddle and show her that my foot was secure. She has a bad back so to make the knackered old mare bend down would have been cruel. She’s also practically blind, so being the kind of nice guy I am, I showed her my feet by waving them in her face. About six inches from her face. Before sprightly turning around and reassuring her I was now sound by fly bucking across the field in the driving snow, executing a perfect flying change mid-air and coming back to check she was happy. Seriously there is NO pleasing the woman. The language! I do worry for the ears of the young rabbits who lurk in the hedges because they are learning words no ears that big should ever have to hear.

    She was last seen departing through the snow muttering fiercely while sporting a red nose Rudolph would have been proud of.

    I’m hoping my new rider might be a lot lower maintenance. And I have very high hopes. Because people, I haz news!

    So, you know I’m going to Belton International Horse Trials? And that I’m selling special Hovis tickets to raise money for charity? And that these tickets get you some cool things and access to a prize draw to win even more cool things? Well, by going you might get to meet a few of my friends.

    I am a horse on the up, a horse going places, because… drum roll please… the British eventing team have finally noticed what they’ve been missing and as some of the selectors for the team will be there, I have been asked to try out with a new pilot to see if together we could be the answer to world domination by British Eventing.

    People, I have waited for this moment my whole life. I have broken through the featherist ceiling and am carrying the flag for all feathered, slightly-heavier-but-less-wussy-than-a-thoroughbred types.

    So, another drum roll please (this is MASSIVE!!).

    I am pleased and honoured to tell you that my team GB try out will be with the wonderful talented and amazing MRS MARY KING!

    Mary and I have met before when she came to meet me at Your Horse is Alive a few years ago. Since then, despite her incredible success, she has always been wondering how she can top that. How she can have a ride the likes of which she’s never had before. How could she sit on raw equine power beyond anything she has felt before? And who am I to deny a such a talented national treasure?

    So, me. Mary. Belton. Who’s up for seeing that? There are a few special tickets left, so grab them while you can. There will be a special drinks reception where I might just bring a few other friends along to meet to. Who knows? If you’re nice I night just tell you more in the next few weeks…

    Continued below…

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    Oh, ye of little faith — I told you my time would come. Now I’ve just got to heal the massive hole in my foot and get fit (oh and possibly grow back the chunk of mane I rubbed off the other week before mum figures out she won’t be able to plait me up…).

    So get online, book your tickets, support Bransby Horses and come and watch equine history being made.


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