16 equestrian-related #firstworldproblems
The Urban Dictionary defines "First World Problems" as "problems that third worlders would probably roll their eyes at" — and when it comes to horses, we may be guilty...
1. It’s raining at Badminton but you still wanting a frozen yoghurt. Such. A. Dilemma.
2. Going to stock up on treats for your horse and finding they’ve sold out of the ‘Meadow Herb’ flavour. The spearmint alternative will not be well received…
3. Sunbathing in white jeans on a hill at Gatcombe, and spending the day with punters looking at your green bum.
4. Buying five hot donuts to warm you up at your local point-to-point, and turning the corner to find you could have had candy floss. But now your hands are full.
5. Getting prickly heat trying to build a showjumping course with heavy wooden poles. Plastic should be compulsory.
6. Your heels getting stuck in the grass at a polo match. (You were told to wear wedges.)
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7. The disappointment of receiving a rosette with one tier of ribbon (but feigning a smile for the camera).
8. Thinking you might have to park in a laybay as you’re leaving Badminton and Radio Badminton loses reception.
9. That (icy) gap between your gloves and coat sleeve making you want to terminate your schooling session.
10. Considering how much you would pay someone to remove the heels from your feet after five hours at Royal Ascot.
11. That feeling of your water bucket spilling down your wellie. This could be the end.
12. Not knowing which Land Rover is yours after a day’s point-to-pointing.
13. Or worse — being chanelled into an enormous overflow car park at a horse trials and thinking you’ll have to wait for everyone else to go home before you can find your car.
14. Your dog eating the cocktail sausages in your Burghley picnic. And tasting the strawberries as well.
15. Trying to explain to your non-horsey friends the wave of depression you’re experiencing post-Blenheim. The eventing season is coming to an end…
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16. Going to buy a crêpe for supper at Olympia and coming back to realise you’ve missed the Shetland Grand National. Does life get any worse?
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A graduate from Durham University, Madeleine joined H&H in 2011 and became Features Editor — producing content across the magazine and website, including the popular inside back cover article ‘The horse that made me’ and the weekly ‘The best of my fun…’ interview. She has written on topics as diverse as hay making and headcams, to hot totty in the horse world and circus horses. Madeleine now works as a freelance feature writer for Country Life, The Telegraph, Horse & Hound, cntraveller.com, The Spectator and The Field, as well as writing obituaries for The Times.