17 signs you’re a horse addict

  • Do any of the following ring a bell? Or do you have other traits that set you apart from non-horse addicts? Let us know below

    1. You can only assume that when others talk about “spare income” they’re referring to their “equestrian kit budget”

    2. When you tread on a nail after the farrier’s visit, you avoid the doctor’s by poulticing your foot, securing it neatly with vetwrap

    3. You’ve been known to use Kaolin as a facemask, and Mane n Tail in lieu of conditioner

    4. You are never without minor bruises you can’t precisely explain — most probably the work of barn door hinges, wheelbarrow handles and pitchforks

    5. You’re yet to see a physio about your sciatica. Your horse, however, has monthly visits from his

    6. At least one of your limbs is set slightly funny — a subtle reminder of a childhood fall (which absolutely was not the pony’s fault)

    7. You have a dustpan and brush for your horse’s stable, but none in the house

    8. Your equine has 17 rugs in total. You, meanwhile, have one yard coat that is no-longer waterproof, and two non-yard coats — both of which have holes in the lining

    9. You happily pay £45 to get your horse clipped, but reckon that’s extortion at the hairdressers

    10. Similarly, you reckon anyone would have to be some sort of primadonna to buy themselves a new pair of shoes every other month at £60 a pop. Dobbin, on the other hand, obviously can’t go longer than five weeks

    11. If it’s about to piss it down with rain mid-afternoon, you rush out to get your horse in so he stays dry, while you end up resembling a drowned rat

    12. Last Valentine’s Day, your loved one bought you a super-duper wheelbarrow (a gift you count as one of the best you’ve ever received)

    13. On arrival at a party, you’re every friend’s go-to person for reverse-parking their car into the most unfeasibly small of spaces— they’ve seen you at the helm of that huge lorry

    14. Even though you can’t ride them (and others think you’re crazy) ,you keep two retired equines who cost more than your rent because you could never put down a horse who wasn’t suffering

    15. You look at your Dorset Cereals and think: “My horse would love this!”

    16. That annoying itch behind your knee, under your tights, is actually a stray piece of hay

    17. You can’t remember a time before horses. And you can’t imagine life without them

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