Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘My grazing strip is so narrow that I need parking sensors to turn around’

Dear diary,

I have so many exciting things to share with you — some of which I can tell you and some of which I can’t tell you. YET. Hark at me being such a tease!

So what I CAN tell you:

Mother is a still a witch, hell bent on wrecking my life and turning me into a stressage pony. We’ve moved into our winter fields now which have amazingly good grass so I am currently grazing a strip of green so narrow that I need parking sensors to turn around. Apparently it’s “for my own good” and she’s being “cruel to be kind”. No mother, you’re just cruel. I’m a big lad and half starving me to death is socially irresponsible and morally objectionable; I feel the need for a mass petition from the Hovite Army stating you like your heroes more on the “cuddly side”. Pretty please…

My new book (number FIVE people) is progressing well, with all the proof reading now done, the illustrations underway and my photo shoot yielding some magnificently moody and manly shots to use for the covers.

To remind any of you that didn’t know (and if that’s you, where have you been?!), if you want to get up to date with my diaries before the fifth one comes out then all of the previous four are available from www.bransbyhorses.co.uk in the online shop. All the monies raised go to the charity with poor little me not making a single cent. Which says less about my generosity of spirit and more about my “agent’s” lack of negotiating skills.

The plans for Your Horse Live are also well afoot but on that you’ll just have to be patient. There are so many incredible things happening and I can’t wait to reveal more in the coming weeks. I’m looking forward to seeing as many of you as possible at the event and in case you’re on the fence about whether to go there is a planned meet up of the Hovite Army – see my Facebook pages for more details. Clearly meeting a load of lovely loonies who worship at the altar of a manly orange feathered beast would be far more likely to make you want to come than seeing Charlotte What’s-her-face and Geoff Billington. Clearly…

Continued below…

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The weather has remained more changeable than my mother’s mood with us either soaking wet or boiling alive. Aunty Em rode me the other day and reported back that I was less than impressed and about as forward as a Jamaican sloth – there was no wonder woman! It was like 100 degrees in the shade. The next day it rained all day and we went from Laurence of Arabia re-enactments in the school to synchronised swimming. It’s totally nuts. I did however demonstrate with her yesterday that when I’m not roasting to death I am very forward. She seemed very impressed. Or shell shocked – it was kind of hard to tell.

So I’m off to brave today’s weather, await for mother to turn up to do yet more stressage and to stew in unseasonable excitement about my news…