12 ways your horse might read his horoscope

  • Whether your horse is an Aquarius, Pisces, Aries or Taurus, you know he’d read the star signs page if he could. This is how we think he’d interpret those messages from above…

    1. Horoscope: You will meet a tall dark stranger.
    Your horse reads: Watch out for bin bags in the hedge.

    2. Horoscope: Hold fast to your convictions and don’t waver.
    Your horse reads: Once you’ve decided not to go in that water jump, don’t change your mind for anyone. Even if they bribe you with food or threaten you with whips and lunge lines.

    3. Horoscope: You’ll have big decisions to make this month regarding housing and relationships.
    Your horse reads: Stable move? New field mates? Does the fact you’ve taken my back shoes off mean you want me to kick them?

    Continued below…

    4. Horoscope: Others will try to drain your energy but don’t be afraid to put yourself first.
    Your horse reads: There’s really no need to bother with that new canter flatwork exercise. In fact, why not fake a lame day to get a proper rest?

    5. Horoscope: A project you’ve been working on for months will finally come to fruition.
    Your horse reads: The escape hole under the shavings bank at the back of the stable is nearly ready.

    6. Horoscope: You’re on the move this month so be prepared to go with the flow.
    Your horse reads: New horsebox? Yay!

    7. Horoscope: You’ll feel let down by those closest to you.
    Your horse reads: Check the H&H classifieds for your likeness.

    8. Horoscope: Appearances may seem shallow but people do judge on first impressions so dress with care.
    Your horse reads: I told you I needed a new rug/numnah/saddle/bridle/other expensive accoutrement.

    9. Horoscope: You will pay for indulgence now with pain later.
    Your horse reads: Don’t break down the fence and wolf all those unripe apples. Remember the last time you had colic?

    10. Horoscope: Someone new will enter your life, but they may not be all they seem.
    Your horse reads: That nice man in jeans and a sweater has an alter ego in a white coat with a needle hidden up his sleeve. He’s a VET!

    11. Horoscope: Harking back to the past will do you no good — look to the future.
    Your horse reads: Great! It doesn’t matter that I can’t remember any of the lateral work we did in last week’s lesson.

    12. Horoscope: You’re used to having your own way, but soon there will be competition for the limelight.
    Your horse reads: She’s getting another horse. A bigger, better, smarter horse than me. How can I injure myself to ensure I still get attention?

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