11 true confessions of a riding school pony
It’s hard work being a riding school steed but there are ways of livening things up, as our anonymous equine contributor explains…
1. It’s not that I don’t enjoy my work, it’s just that it distracts me from my true purpose — being a top showjumper, like my idols Hello Sanctos and Hovis. Doing endless rings round a 40x20m school teaching little ‘uns how to do rising trot is demeaning to a horse of my status. Which is why it’s only fair if I ditch them every now and then.
2. Me and my mates Betty, Storm and Duke have a competition going to see who can throw a kid the furthest. Duke is top of the league table, having successfully lobbed one halfway between C and X. Who says horses can’t read dressage markers?
3. I like kids, to be fair. I just couldn’t eat a whole one. Damn my peaceful herbivore disposition.
4. Sometimes, when I’m bored, I pretend to be a unicorn. Look, watch me prance! Watch me dance! And did you know that unicorns are notoriously hard to catch…?
5. At other times, I pretend to be a rock. I like to mix things up.
6. It’s amazing how many times you can force out a poo or wee if you really need to. And I really need to have lots of rests during every riding lesson. Thank goodness for the efficient and hard-working equine digestive system.
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7. It’s important that we teach the pupils at our riding school the value of team work. Duke, Betty and I do this by simultaneously spooking at the same thing — could be a pigeon, maybe a gust of wind — and letting our riders work out together how to control a herd of stampeding horses. It’s character-building!
8. Horse-handling is another important lesson for our pupils. Riding, after all, is only one small part of equestrianism (that should still ideally be a lot smaller, if you ask me). And of course, it doesn’t do to make it too easy for the trainees – otherwise, how would they learn? I’m currently top of the ‘how many people’s feet can you stand on?’ league table. I’m not proud of it — actually, forget that, yes I am.
9. I can actually do a perfect flying change. This probably surprises you, seeing as you just spent an entire lesson trying to get me to canter on the right leg. I am, literally, a dark horse.
Continued below…
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10. If you want me to do something, you only have to ask! You just have to ask completely 100% accurately. If not, then forget it.
11. I lied about the Hello Sanctos/Hovis/showjumping thing. My real ambition is to stand around eating hay. Obviously.
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Amanda Vlietstra is a freelance writer and editor who’s worked for a number of national magazines and websites. Having thrown herself back rural living with gusto since moving from London to Buckinghamshire in 2012, she juggles her horsey life with work and two small children. She claims to do dressage, but really just potters about having fun on her 14.2hh Belgian Warmblood mare, Roxy. She also enjoys a good gossip over a coffee in the tackroom!