Hovis’ Friday diary: you take your kicks where you can get them

  • Dear diary,

    And the animals went in two by two, two by two, two by two,

    And the animals went in two by two, not even stopping to use the loo.

    Because if we did, we would surely drown,

    Due to all the rain that’s coming down.

    Not to mention all the thunder and lightening,

    Which the girls on the yard find very very frightening.

    So, lets get back to sunny, now there’s a stellar plan,

    This so wouldn’t happen if mother nature had been a man!

    Now I admit I am no poet, but you get the idea. I’m wet. My rugs are wet. My field is wet. I’ve been in more this past few weeks than I normally am in winter for fear of my substantial, manly physique being a magnet not just for the ladies but also for lightening, and I’ve had enough. We’ve gone from Saharan to sub-aquan and I’ve got to be honest, the only guy who can rock the wet and wild look is that Jason guy. Me, I’m more the home of Sponge Bob Square Pants — i.e. Soggy Bottom.

    The only amusing part of all of this is because the black and white bane of my existence managed to wriggle under the previous double stranded electric fence in his desire to come and hang out with the talented half of the family, the boss lady put a high strength, very thin wire as a third strand to keep the little darling safe from my feather flickers (feet people, my feet). Anyway, the upshot is that this wire is carrying an electric charge equivalent to the chair and, when the handles are wet, has a habit of making the boss lady, Aunty Em and mum yelp like a goosed nun. Trust me people, when you have a river rapid running down your nose, you take your kicks where you can get them…

    Anyway, to get away from my current misery, let’s talk about Your Horse is Alive 2019. Clearly word of my presence has spread because loads of people who have had the honour of hanging out with me in the past are all now coming: Charlotte, Jay, Sir Lee, my bestie Jonty. All of them have hung out with me: Jonty auctioned me off some years ago and then my advice led to him winning Belton, Charlotte and I have cuddled at Windsor, I sorted a poppy for Sir Lee’s steed last YHL and Jay and I had an alarming amount of tongue action last time we met I’ve said it before, and I say it again — hanging out with such incredible equine royalty is always a joy and a massive honour. They’ve all dealt with it so well… 😊

    So, who is coming? I will be there to raise money as always for Bransby Horses, meet as many of you as I can, do selfies and maybe get up to some mischief! As for what, you’ll have to come and see…

    Continues below…

    Anyway, this is a short and sweet entry as the mothership has only just got back from Madrid and the power keeps going off at home, meaning my secretary is struggling to get this done and out to you. I know it’s late but that’s mother’s fault — her jet setting doesn’t half get in the way of my pontificating…



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