Hovis’ Friday Diary: I think Team GB has forgotten to invite its secret weapon

  • Dear diary

    I’d like to start this week by making an official complaint to the equestrian games/the British federation/those people-in-charge-type people. I hear the teams have been announced to go to some party in Rio (where is that by the way?) this summer.

    Ahem?! Hello?! Have you not forgotten someone? Have we not discussed at length before the “missing ingredient” in the Team GB arsenal? The fact that your secret weapon might just be 16.2hh, feathery and – for absence of all doubt – called Hovis? I’m assuming this has been some sort of administrative oversight?

    Now don’t get me wrong – I’m not vying for a place prancing about with Charlotte-What’s-Her-face and my mate Mr Nester and Nip and Tuckshop (although please note people it was my coaching that’s got that boy to where he is today), but I’m equally at home showjumping or eventing. If Mr Fox-in-a-hole needs a back up horse, I’m his guy; Mr Whitaker wants to go around that course in a way never seen before? Just say the word.

    So I’m assuming your people will talk to my people (well Mother at any rate) and we’ll get this little mix up sorted? I mean seriously people, how can the world not sit up and take note if Team GB arrives with me in tow? They’d be shaking in their boots I tell you – and messing with their mind is half the battle to winning. The other half might rely on me treading on their toes, but let’s works with what we have, eh?

    Time for book number five

    So to other things: Last week I told you exciting news about me heading out to the cult event – Your Horse is Alive in November. This week I bring other news – while at Your Horse is Alive I will be exclusively launching book NUMBER FIVE!

    I know what you’re thinking – how does this incredible hunk of a creature have time not only to be on standby to fly to Rio and rescue our equestrian teams, but also write books? What can I say? I’m talented…

    The title of the new book is a closely guarded secret (which knowing Mother probably means she’s not thought of it yet) but follows on from Hovis’ Friday Diary: From the Beginning, Hovis’ Friday Diary: The Year of the Destroyer, Hovis’ Friday Diary: Fifty Tastes of Hay and Hovis’ Friday Diary: The Fast and The Feathery.

    Once again all the money raised from the sale of the book will go to Bransby Horses, an equine charity based up here in Lincolnshire. One of these days I’m going to have to get to the bottom of why my mother insists on giving all our money away. I think Dad would love to know too…

    Continued below…

    More updates from Hovis:

    So if you’re coming to the event you can see me (freshly back from Rio, clearly) and grab a copy of the next book, which will not be available anywhere else until after the event. For a small fee (polo mint shaped is good) I might even let you take a selfie…

    I might also have further exciting news over coming weeks, but we shall see.

    So I’m off to wait by the mail box for my team call up letter and then no doubt will have to get sorted for the fitting of my saddle clothes etc. Rio, here I come!



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