Hovis' Friday diary: 'feathers are for flying'

Dear Diary

I can’t spend long writing this diary this week, I have to be sitting by the phone waiting for THE call. Yes this is the week it’s coming, I can feel it in my feathers, the week when the eventing world finally realises what it’s been missing out on. Any minute now Mr Beauty Pageant, Mr Knickerless or Mr Fox-in-a-hole are going to be calling me up to be their steed of choice for this year’s eventing season. I know this to be true because they seem to be intelligent men, they haven’t taken too many falls on the head (unlike mother) and let’s face it how could they not after my exploits over the last week?

As I may have mentioned last week, I have finally discovered that giving mother and Aunty Becky a brief moment of what they want (i.e. poncing about like a fairy). Thus allowing them to enjoy a brief moment of smugness thinking they can actually ride pays dividends. I.e. I get to go and play on the local cross-country course with Aunty Becky. Now to be fair Aunty Becky hasn’t jumped in a while so I was under strict instructions from mother to behave. Which was both unfair and unnecessary — I ALWAYS behave across country.

I shall also take the opportunity to clarify two things: firstly the “behave” instruction was about the actual cross-country and did not specify this about the hack up to the course and secondly Aunty Becky is a big fat fibber. I did NOT spook at the pigeon, the carrier bag, the car, the bikes nor the dog walker and I certainly did not put my head between my legs, hide my eyes behind my feathers and pray at any point. Her comment to mother that I am afraid of only two things: “things that move and things that don’t” was unnecessary and she is to be reminded I saved her from the creatures lurking in the bottom of that ditch thing several times. So there…

With Aunty Becky clinging onto me like a stick on Garfield in the rear window of a super-charged Land Rover, we tackled steps, skinnies, logs, some very dodgy looking ditches (which I did give some serious height and clearance to — just in case), the water complex (which I was not scared of — it was just COLD) and everything I was pointed at. I had a BALL! Admittedly, at first I suspected Aunty Becky had been to mum’s school of jumping (i.e. if it’s higher than a snake belt buckle we’re not jumping it) but after she began to realise these feathers are for flying then she got into it.

The little mare whose name was Rose (I didn’t like to say anything but since she was yellow I would have thought Daffodil might have been more appropriate?) wasn’t keen on a few jumps so being the gent I am I went first and showed her how to do it. She was impressed I think. Admittedly if we get it on (hubba-hubba) she might have to stand on a box or I’m going to get a serious crick in my neck but hey I’m nothing if not game.

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Hovis shared his weekly diary each Friday on the Horse & Hound website between 2008 and February 2025. Initially located on the popular H&H forum, he moved to the main website in February 2013. He published nine books, each to raise funds for his local equine welfare charity Bransby Horses. You can read all his diary entries below. H&H also published a final tribute to our much-loved equine contributor.

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