15 reasons your colleagues know you’re an equestrian

We hate to be the bearers of bad news, but we're afraid that that hay stuck to your tights and that screensaver of your old Shetland pony are giveaways about your number one priority (and it's not work...)

You think you’re really low-key about your riding — you’re pretty sure you never even mention Nobby’s name to your colleagues, let alone that you’re worried that his poo is a bit sloppy and does that mean he’s stressed. Yet somehow everyone in the office knows you’re a rider, including that bloke in accounts who looks like he’s asleep at his desk most of the time. Maybe this is why…

1. Your screensaver is a flashing montage of all the horses you’ve ever owned. Sometimes, when the photo of Bunty, your old Shetland, comes up on the screen, a silent tear slips down your cheek. You cried over for a week when your parents finally sold her because your feet touched the ground when you rode her. You still miss Bunty.

2. You regularly nod off in your Monday morning catch-up meeting because you’re so exhausted after a weekend spent galloping through the countryside, competing hard, and of course, catching up on all of your yard chores.

3. You’ve got hay stuck to your tights.

4. And down the back of your jumper.

5. And there’s a weird green stain on your sleeve. Your colleagues are eying that one a bit suspiciously, actually.

6. You click your tongue impatiently and snap ‘get on!’ when a website is a bit slow to load on your computer.

7. When your boss asks for suggestions for team-building activities, you suggest a group outing to the Burghley Horse Trials. Failing that, what about jousting? You’ve always wanted to give that a go…

8. However much you try and disguise it with Miss Dior, you’re always wearing Eau de Stable. And although the Miss Dior fades after a few hours, Eau de Stable never does…

9. You sometimes wear your dressage boots to work. You just feel more comfortable dressed like that – and riding boots are in anyway, who’s going to realise your Ariats aren’t actually from Next, right?

10. Behind the spreadsheet of expenses that you’re doing for accounts is another spreadsheet tallying up exactly how much the eventing season is going to cost you this year.

11. You’ve had to ring in sick for a variety of horse-related accidents, from Nobby stepping on your toe and breaking it, to concussion (it was so mild you hardly noticed it, but the doctor said you weren’t allowed to drive – non-equestrians are so soft…)

12. And you’ve had to ring in sick for an emergency farrier call-out. You didn’t tell your boss that – you told him you were ill – but you’ve a feeling he suspects the truth.

13. Your fringe is permanently plastered to your forehead from wearing your riding hat/bobble hat.

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14. Your colleagues are curious as to why, in summer, your face and arms are nut-brown (or lobster red) but your legs are milky white.

15. To be honest, you did actually tell your boss that Nobby’s poo was a bit sloppy, and did that mean he might be stressed, didn’t you? Maybe that really was an over-share too far…

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