Hovis’ Friday diary: My fans are a bunch of lunatics

  • Dear diary,

    Thank you for the support from all of you after last week’s diary entry regarding the blatant and depressing levels of cruelty being inflicted upon me and my kind by our evil owners.

    Honestly, your level of understanding regarding the terror that is tinsel was positively overwhelming. The suggestions that I could have flashing antlers, pink tinsel and even fairy dust on my reins reminded me why I love having such a bunch of complete lunatics for a fan base. I’m not angry people I’m just very disappointed…

    To the lovely lady who pointed out the photo of me showed a “this horse may bite” sign I would like to say that was for a previous (and carnivorous) occupant of that stable, but to be honest if you all keep taking the mickey out of me then maybe it might apply *sniff*

    The only good news with the ongoing horrendous weather is that it’s far too windy to wear antlers and my tinsel would get tiddled on by the rain. This didn’t stop Aunty Becky making me work at night during the week and then horror of horrors at the weekend because she-who-yields-the-dressage-whip was away.

    Admittedly we did an hour in the school which was BOOORRRRRIIIIINNNNNGGG then Aunty Becky decided that despite the gale force wind, me having not been hacking for a while, oh and only having me in my schooling snaffle and not the heavy duty gag my mother uses to pretend she has control out hacking, that we’d go for a hoon about the stubble field. Which was FUN!

    Aunty Becky claims no brakes, no steering and zero control.

    I claim the acceleration of Usain Bolt with the trots, the muscled magnificence of an Olympic athlete and the poise and grace of a gazelle.

    We have agreed to disagree.

    Either way I ended up hot, sweaty and very happy which is more than can be said for mother when she came to change my rug later that evening. She looked wet, cold and rather fed up but then she doesn’t really rock the “drowned rat” look particularly well.

    Talking of masses of water, my heart goes out to all of you affected by the floods in Cumbria. Tales of amazing rescues and incredible kindness are heartwarming to see and to see so many of the charities reaching out to help our fellow equines in distress is fantastic.

    While we’re at it, talking of amazing charities many of you over recent times have suggested I should write a book. People, where have you been?! I have already written four books (yes that’s right FOUR. And no film deal yet. I SO need a new personal assistant — mother is clearly doing an appalling job of promotion). In order they are:

    Hovis’ Friday Diary: From the Beginning
    Hovis’ Friday Diary: The Year of the Destroyer
    Hovis’ Friday Diary: Fifty Tastes of Hay
    Hovis’ Friday Diary: The Fast and The Feathery

    All of them are available from the online shop at www.bransbyhorses.co.uk and every last penny from the sale goes to the charity. They make fab Christmas presents and the charity will ship all over the world — so if you want to browse on Bondi, chuckle in Chile, titter in Turkey or snigger in Spain then you can!

    Stay safe, stay dry and stay away from the tinsel.



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