Hovis’ Friday diary: #Carrotsforcuddles

Dear diary,

So, my weekend was relatively quiet as the mothership was heading off to some place called Mum-bye (oh please, if there is a God, let it be a “bye” that lasts a least a month), so she didn’t ride for fear of falling off and breaking something. The lack of faith mother has in me is staggering at times — I am NEVER the reason she falls off. She falls off because she’s a bad rider. Simples.

I can’t say I complained at the lack of stressage if I’m honest, but a hack would have been fun. Sometimes she has the survival instincts of a lemming and the next minute she’s more risk averse than a politician in a strip bar. Funny creature is my mother.

Aunty Em has stepped up to the plate to work me into the ground while mum’s away which means hours and hours of transitions and the ye olde game of “who is carrying my head”. Which is always fun. We will however try to avoid a repeat of the “sand snorting” incident of a few weeks ago — the exfoliation effect of that was particularly unpleasant and finding sand even days later wedged under my back molars wasn’t something I’m keen to repeat…

So, the countdown to Your Horse is Alive is firmly on and I’ve got to be honest, it’s getting embarrassing how many celebrities, once they have met me, turn positively stalkerish in their desire to hang out with me. 2016 saw Geoff Billington and I partner up in a way that the world wasn’t quite ready for, but nonetheless thoroughly enjoyed — he’s back again this year doing an evening event. I am slightly concerned he hasn’t rung to check on my availability — don’t make assumptions Geoff, I might be out for the evening wooing a lady — but I figure maybe he’s just going to try and casually bump into me when we’re both in the same postcode.

THEN not content with riding me earlier this year at Belton, Mary King is going to be there with her daughter Emily. I figure that Mary wanted to see me again and Emily was just so jealous of the experience her mother got last time that she asked to tag along. Apparently, they’re bringing some of their event horses — I’m guessing that they want me to coach them. That’s fine — I totally get it, but again, it’s always best to ask in advance ladies. Big name celebrities can be intimidating, but its OK, I am just a normal (and incredibly talented) dude and I’d love to hang out.

Clearly people will be excited to see these amazing riders, but let’s be honest, most people are going to meet me. There might even be the chance to get up close and personal and come and have a cuddle — the fee for which will be a carrot. #Carrotsforcuddles

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I’m also releasing my latest literary masterpiece — book number SIX — with all proceeds once again going to the wonderful equine charity Bransby Horses. It’s their 50th anniversary and will be 10 years since I first started posted my positively hilarious diary on Horse & Hound. So, anniversaries all-round! So, I hope lots and lots of you will come and buy the book to go with the five I know you already. Because you do, right? Already have them? If you don’t then hoof it over to www.bransbyhorses.co.uk, head in to the shop and buy them quick! And don’t admit your failing to anyone — I won’t tell if you don’t…

Laters,

Hovis

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