There are certain things you just can’t expect your colleagues to understand — this handy list will help them to interpret your every mood and need

  1. I had 20 penalties at the weekend (translation: I’m going to be really grumpy this week).
  2. I did a double clear at the weekend (translation: I’m going to be in a great mood this week so take your chance to ask me to do any difficult tasks).
  3. I’ve qualified for the Badminton Grassroots Championships (translation: I’m in the best mood ever so I’ll say yes to anything this week — oh, and I need a week off in May).
  4. My internet crashed last night while I was trying to enter the Area Festival and the deadline is 11am today (translation: don’t bother me for half an hour — I need to abuse this solid internet connection).
  5. My horse refused to jump a double yesterday so I really need to go and see my trainer for a lesson before my show on Saturday — so can I have Thursday off? (translation: can I take Thursday off?)
  6. My yard manager’s just rung to say my horse has cut his leg very badly in the field (translation: ask no further questions, I need to leave work right now).
  7. My horse refused to bend right this morning — it took an hour to persuade him (translation: I’m sorry I’m an hour late).
  8. My horse refused to bend right this morning — it took two hours to persuade him (translation: I’m sorry I’m more than an hour late and that I didn’t have a shower, brush my hair or my teeth and that I’m leaving a trail of hay behind me as I move).
  9. I missed out on a HOYS ticket by one place at the weekend — but it’s ok because there are several more shows where I can try to get one (translation: I’ll be booking off several more Fridays to prepare for shows).
  10. I got my HOYS ticket at the weekend (translation: I need a week off in October).
  11. My yard manager’s just rung to say my horse has colic (translation: see number 6).
  12. My horse has lost a shoe and I have a very important event this weekend (translation: I will be spending all day on the phone to my farrier, possibly offering inappropriate favours as a reward for fast service).