If only they could talk… 16 things you’ve always wanted to ask your horse

We’ve all had those occasions where you just wish your horse could tell you what’s wrong with him or why he’s behaving in a certain way. Here’s our list of 16 top questions we’ve always wanted to ask our horses…

1. Why did you roll in that mud? I spent hours bathing you earlier.

2. Why did you run-out at that fence?

3. Why don’t you like the water on the cross-country course? Honestly, it really won’t hurt you to get your toes wet.

4. Why are you lame? What part hurts? Does it really hurt or do you just not fancy doing any work today?

5. Why did you do a poo just as we passed the dressage judge’s car? Did you just want to embarrass me?

6. Yes, there’s still a harrow in the corner of the school. Why are you shying at it? It was fine yesterday.

7. Are you really frightened of the dustbins on dustbin day or are you just bored?

8. Why won’t you eat up your food? You’re getting skinnier and skinnier, and it’s costing me a fortune buying and throwing away food that you’re not even eating.

9. Did you cut yourself deliberately because someone was coming to try you to buy you?

10. Where’s your shoe?

11. Where’s your fly mask?

12. Where’s your rug?

13. That road sign has been there for years and you’ve lived here forever. Why is it so terrifying today?

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14. Why is your leg all hot and puffy? Did you get it stuck on something? Did Joey kick you? Did you kick him back? Has he got a secret injury he’s hiding from me?

15. Why won’t you go in the lorry? You love parties. Parties do not happen here. If you want to go to a party, you have to go in the lorry.

16. Why are you waving at the dressage judge? She doesn’t need to see your shoes. Put your feet ON THE FLOOR.

Keep up to date with the latest equestrian news, features, reports and more, in Horse & Hound magazine, every Thursday.

Pippa Roome

H&H magazine editor and eventing editor

Pippa is a true eventing geek and has been H&H’s eventing editor since 2005. She has first-hand experience of competing up to British Eventing intermediate and international CCI2*-L level, and has worked in the industry on a top event yard. Pippa enjoys nothing more than immersing herself in the sport at the highest level, reporting from the five-stars and international championships, including the Olympics.