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‘I don’t belong here!’ Riding alongside our idols can lead to impostor syndrome cramping our competitive ability – here’s how to put those feelings to bed
Impostor syndrome and feelings of self-doubt are common in the competitive sphere, especially in our sport where we are often competing alongside the greats of the game. Even the pro riders aren’t immune to this experience. In this article exclusive to H&H subscribers, psychologists and riders explain how to combat these feelings and ride with self-belief instead
Have you ever shared a warm-up with a Whitaker, or perhaps your eventing section includes a British Olympic medallist? Equestrian sport is unusual in that you can find yourself competing alongside your idols, which in one breath can feel awe-inspiring, and in another a curse when that leads to self-doubt. If you have ever found yourself at a show and questioning your right to be there, it could be that you’re experiencing impostor syndrome.
Clinical psychologist Dr Krissie Ivings of Aspire Rider Confidence & Hypnotherapy and author of Tame the Chimp, Shoot the Parrot & Silence the Mouse explains that while impostor syndrome is not a clinical condition, it is a well-recognised experience that can be very common in athletes and certain professions.
“Impostor syndrome is the term used when people do not feel as though they’re qualified to be doing what they’re doing, or a feeling that they’re not in the right place,” Krissie explains. “You might feel like a fraud, or a fake, and that you’re going to get found out.
“In riding it might be that you feel like you shouldn’t be entering a certain competition, or that level. When it goes right you might feel like you’ve fluked it or gotten away with it – but if it goes badly then you feel like you were never good enough in the first place.”
Impostor syndrome can feel like an ongoing negative conversation taking place in your head.
“I use the metaphor of the parrot which sits on your shoulder and says negative things in your ear like, ‘Everyone’s laughing, I’m embarrassing myself, I shouldn’t be here’,” says Krissie.
“Those thoughts are not true, they’re an unhelpful conversation. No one would ever say those things to you, and a rule of thumb to go by is, if you wouldn’t say it to your friend then don’t say it to yourself.”
Dealing with impostor syndrome: “I had to learn to be kinder to myself”
Dentist and successful amateur eventer Jodie Neill has struggled with impostor syndrome. Jodie was competing at CCI3* level and was training towards four-star prior to her mare Quantum Clover Gold (Pops) needing some time out to recover from an injury, while Jodie went on to have a baby.
“I didn’t start eventing until around 25 and Pops was my first horse – she didn’t cost a lot of money and I never really had expectations of getting up the levels,” says Jodie. “But we did, and all of a sudden I was at the big events warming up with Olympic riders and professionals.
“On one occasion at Gatcombe, the cross-country course had caused carnage and I was hearing on the commentary that big names were retiring and walking home. I remember thinking ‘What on earth am I doing here?’.
“Thankfully I had support from my coach James Oakden, because otherwise I’d probably have driven the 10 hours home. I just didn’t believe we were going to be capable, I felt like, ‘If they couldn’t do it, how on earth could I? I’m a dentist, they’re professionals’.”
Rubbing shoulders with top riders in the collecting ring can exacerbate the feelings of impostor syndrome.
(Image credit: Sophie Cheeseman)
Jodie says having support around her was key.
“I think without those people in your life, that sort of mentor-type people, it’s really hard because you can get lost in your own head and think you don’t deserve to be there and that you’re going to get caught out,” she says, adding that she also sought help from a sports psychologist and had hypnotherapy.
“I never cured the impostor syndrome, but I felt more comfortable and started to believe that we could do it,” adds Jodie, who is now producing a young horse to event.
“For me, it was having some acceptance that I’m not the same as a professional rider. Someone once said to me, ’Could an eventer go and be a dentist from Monday to Friday?’ – I had to learn to be kinder to myself and not expect to necessarily be able to ride and produce horses the way a professional might.”
Freelance coach Fiona Iszchak competes in showjumping and often finds herself in classes with professional well-known riders.
“I have impostor syndrome regularly, and one of my clients once said ‘But aren’t you a professional?’” she says. “It made me stop and think, ‘Well, I suppose I am’. I hadn’t thought of myself that way because I don’t showjump for a job or have fancy horses.
“You can find yourself thinking I don’t deserve to be here; I haven’t got the big lorry or designer saddle, but you can still go and win the class, so sometimes you need to give yourself a reality check.
“It can be easy to presume you’re the only one feeling like that, but there’s probably lots of people in the same boat as you.”
Impostor syndrome can happen to anyone
Dr Claire Bennett of Riding Mindfully, a clinical psychologist and UKCC level 2 dressage coach, says impostor syndrome can occur in all walks of life and often stems from where there is a pressure to perform.
“The brain perceives the thought of being found out as highly threatening,” Claire explains. “It’s not a choice to feel anxious, but an automatic fight-flight-freeze response.
“Anxiety often feels overwhelming and unmanageable when it arises, so it is more than just pre-competition nerves. This collection of thoughts and intense anxiety continues to happen even when evidence shows that the person is competent.”
Amateur home-producer Olivia Bushell, who has a full-time job in interior design, is no stranger to the biggest stages in showing, competing at Royal Windsor, Horse of the Year Show and the Royal International. And with these big occasions has also come moments of self-doubt.
“There’s times where I’ve felt impostor syndrome,” says Olivia. “It’s hard when you’re doing the horses on your own and you question yourself, especially if you have a bad day at a show.
“At big county shows I’ve gone through the catalogue and I’ve said to my mum in the past, ‘So and so is here, so we’ll just have a nice day out because there’s no point in expecting us to win and qualify’. But it’s about remembering why you do it, and thinking of anything else as a bonus.
“For me it makes those good days extra special too. We took supreme hunter at the Royal Highland in 2022 with my lightweight Double Mocha, and we’d beat all the professionals. It meant so much because I’d had him since he was four and it had been all my own work, and it’s those days you’ve got to remember, ‘I did this’.”
Olivia Bushell aboard Double Mocha. Despite huge success in the show ring, Olivia admits to feelings of impostor syndrome.
(Image credit: Nico Morgan Media)
And it’s not just amateur riders that can experience these feelings. Olympic dressage rider Laura Tomlinson recalls struggling with impostor syndrome in her young rider days.
“I had it hugely in my under-21 years, and it was probably Alf [Mistral Hojris] that helped me out of that,” she says.
“I’d had so much opportunity given to me; my parents were able to get me nice horses and I was always supported and had good coaches, so for a long time I felt like that when I did well that, ‘So I should’ – and if I didn’t do well, then I must be a complete failure.
“Alf being the amazing but completely chaotic horse that he was gave me, certainly among my peers, the respect in terms of what we managed to achieve. People saw the journey from the start to where we ended up. That gave me a little bit more ability to put that impostor feeling to bed and like I’d earned my stripes.
“Nowadays it’s a little different in the world of social media and how cruel the internet can be, and I think that can be quite intimidating for riders.”
Practical tips for dealing with impostor syndrome
Dr Krissie Ivings says one tactic to deal with impostor syndrome is to “ignore the parrot”.
“When I work with people with impostor syndrome we identify what it is that they tell themselves,” she says. “Then you’re forearmed and you understand when that thought of ‘I’m useless’ or whatever it might be arises, you’re forearmed.
“You know that ‘Here is that pesky parrot giving me a grief, but I’m just not listening’, and then you refocus on the job at hand.
“Another useful tool is to ‘stop, drop and breathe’. As soon as you notice that you’re spiralling, stop everything you’re doing at that moment. Then drop the story that you’re telling yourself, because it’s just a story – it’s not true. Take a breath and let it go.”
Dr Claire Bennett advises using coping strategies that centre around the body’s “soothing system”. One technique she suggests is breathing in for three seconds, and out for five.
“The idea is that you breathe out for longer than you breathe in, which is really regulating,” she says.
“If we then link it with a proprioceptor activity – anything that uses muscles – like raising your arms while you breathe in, and lowering your arms as you breathe out, those two things together can help calm the nervous system. You can also use proprioceptor activity like pushing or pulling, so push the palms of your hands together or push your hands into your leg muscles.”
Claire also suggests using mindfulness-based activities like focusing on a safe place – and practising techniques away from competition.
“Using imagery of a place that we feel relaxed can help activate the soothing system, the same way thinking of your favourite food can make you salivate or feel hungry for that item,” she explains.
Developing visualisation techniques, such as thinking of a beautiful safe places, can help soothe the mind.
(Image credit: Getty Images)
“If you’re in a collecting ring and you start to feel that wave of anxiety, use the breathing technique and focus on that safe place.
“The more we practice these activities in non-stressful situations, the quicker we can train our brain to relax and the quicker the body responds, so when you’re stressed it becomes easier to remember them and they’ll be more effective than if you don’t.”
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Since joining H&H in 2018, Becky has covered a broad range of equestrian news including welfare matters, veterinary studies, FEI Tribunal hearings and road safety campaigns. She has also interviewed top riders including Scott Brash, John Whitaker and Ian Stark, to name just a few. Becky’s reporting has taken her to Canada for Spruce Meadows and France for Pau five-star, as well as the Royal Highland and Blair Castle International Horse Trials closer to home. She was also a key part of the remote reporting team for the Tokyo Olympics and the Europeans.
