As sure as night becomes day, the following things are entirely probable if you own a horse
1. Even if he hasn’t thrown a single shoe in the nine years you’ve owned him, dobbin will lose one without trace somewhere between the yard and the national championships.
2. If there is a lone nailhead poking out some crevice in his stable, your horse will seek it out and hook a limb on it, achieving inconceivable damage despite the weapon being only 2mm in length.
3. If you splash out to affiliate for the season, the odds of your horse going lame the following week treble.
4. If you purchase a “project” horse to bring on and sell while your other is on box rest with injury, said project horse will incur some freak injury, too, meaning you’ve got not one but two crazed equines to walk sensibly in hand for the summer.
5. And that project horse you bought as an investment to sell on, two things: a) You’ll spend more money on him than you’ll ever make back. And, b) You’ll fall in love with him and decide against selling anyway.
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6. If you want your children to enjoy horses just like you did, they’ll show zero interest and you’ll be left with an exquisite 12hh lead-rein pony you clearly can’t enjoy riding yourself.
7. If you’ve got your fingers crossed that your children don’t catch the horsey bug — after all, it nearly bankrupted you, who’d wish that on anyone — they will have pictures of ponies adorning their walls from the age of three and you’ll be hearing the line: “ppllleeeaasseee can I have a pony?” in your sleep.
8. Your horse will never roll with greater vigour than the afternoon you put him out rugless following a bath.
9. The odds of this double if he’s grey, and for the purpose he will find a bog in a field that is otherwise cracked from a month of 28 degree sun kissing.
10. If you buy your horse a covetable new French calf’s skin leather saddle costing you in the region of £3500, he will change shape within a month.
11. The day after you give your horse a full clip, it will snow.
12. A hunter trial in August is as likely to be rained off (on account of the parking not the going) as a hunter trial in April.
13. And don’t rule out pulling out of the event in April on account of the ground being rock solid, either — we live in climate change.
What else would you add to our list? Let us know below…