Who says horses have no sense of humour? Read on if your horse is a master at embarrassing you…

1. When he stops for a pee at the crossroads right in the centre of the village just as the vicar is cycling past — and when we say a pee, we mean a flood which prompts small animals nearby to start building an ark.

2. When he decides to behave as if he’s never jumped anything bigger than a cross pole when you arrive for the advanced group lesson at a clinic with a celebrity trainer.

3. When he trots up to greet you on the morning of an important competition wearing only three shoes.

4. When he breaks free while tied up at a show and encourages three other horses to join in the fun before he lets you catch him again.

5. When he acts as if he’s never seen a wheelbarrow before when you encounter a gardener out hacking.

6. When number 5 results in him cavorting all over the gardener’s manicured grass verge.

7. When your not-really-horsey friend asks for him to be a guest star at her wedding because she thinks he’ll look great in the photos and he manages to poo on the end of her train.

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8. When he runs off and rolls the moment you release him after a bath.

9. When he not only lets himself out of his stable (how is that even possible with a kick bolt?) but then goes round releasing all his friends.

10. When he wipes his snot on the ride judge.

11. When he rubs all his mane off on a tree two days before you need to do perfect plaits.

12. When he undergoes an instant personality change the moment your trainer gets on him and does whatever he flatly refused to do for you perfectly for her.

13. When he will let anyone apart from you catch him. Literally anyone, through to your unhorsey father who has to spend five minutes turning the headcollar around before putting it on. It’s just that you are The Evil One who makes him work.