Some people dislike puns – but not us! Here’s a list of some of the best horse puns and one-liners we could think of.

Horse puns feature heavily in everyday language. Whether you’ve been told off for horsing around, need to hoof it to an appointment or are overcome with unbridled joy, horse puns are likely a weekly, if not daily, feature of your life – no matter what the neigh-sayers think.

On the one hand, you might be a little hoarse from groaning by the time you finish the list. Alternatively you could be spurred on to invent some puns of your own – and you should definitely let us know if you do!

Otherwise, if horse jokes are more your thing, then we’ve got you covered for that too!

The funniest horse puns to make you snort

1. Have you heard of the band ‘Foals’?

They have a colt following!

2. I had a new farrier come to shoe my horse today.

I had my doubts, but he absolutely nailed it!

3. I went to see a new equine sci-fi flick at the movies.

It was all about inter-gallop-tic space travel!

4. Someone who buys a horse and has money left in the bank?

You could call them financially stable.

5. Maybe she’s barn with it…

Maybe it’s Neighbelline!

6. My neighbour’s horse got possessed by a demon.

They had to call an ex-horse-ist.

7. Did you hear about the rider whose horse bolted?

It was a terrible tale of WHOA!

8. How did the singing mare introduce her naughty child?

Stallion, my wayward son.

9. My horse’s name is Mayo.

Mayo neighs.

10. The best way to cure an equine cold?

With cough stirrups.

11. I’m really good at horse puns…

It’s my mane category!

We’ll rein it in now…

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If you’re an equestrian, there are certain horse smells that are simply unforgettable – for better or worse.

Not even the glitziest and most glamourous are immune, either. Speaking to Glamour on the launch of her new fragrance, model and lifelong horse girl Bella Hadid revealed her first scent memory is “the barn”. More specifically, ‘horse poop’.

There’s no skirting around it, really. As long as you’re in their company, dung is one of those horse smells readily bound for the nostrils. But isn’t the whole idea of manure a signature yard scent a little, forgive me, on the nose? So ubiquitous is the stuff that it often just fades into the background, undetected once you’re immersed in your chores.

I asked around H&H HQ for the most pungent, unforgettable and, in some cases, beloved horse smells. Here’s what we came up with…

Five most iconic horse smells you’ll never forget

1. Burning hoof horn

This is such a weirdly specific horse smell that, once you’ve sniffed, you can’t un-sniff. Hard to describe but instantly recognisable, this smell is a regular feature of your life if your horse is hot shod. More specifically, every six weeks or so.

It’s always accompanied, of course, by billowing smoke and the clang of the hammer on the anvil. Perhaps, too, the taste of tea or coffee if you’ve done a drinks run for you and your farrier. An all-round sensory experience, indeed.

2. Fly spray

Head of Ecommerce Georgia Guerin contributed this one. She claims it’s not summer until you’ve smelled fly spray, and I’m sure there are plenty who’d agree. Georgia’s particular scent memory is Barrier Super Plus fly spray, which we’ve actually tested and rated H&H Approved.

Whether it’s the lemon-like scent of citronella or the pong of DEET, fly spray is a smell you won’t forget in a hurry, probably because you inadvertently end up applying a reasonable amount to yourself throughout the season.

3. Stockholm tar

Ahh, the memories. This potent-smelling hoof dressing with the texture of thick treacle has a smoky quality that’s brimming with nostalgia. Anyone who’s used it – or still does – will know it’s a unique fragrance explicitly linked to winter hoof care rituals.

4. Garlic granules

This horse smell is the ultimate love/hate stench, though perhaps quite a traditional addition to a horse’s bucket ration nowadays. Chicken Kiev, aioli, actual garlic – all these and more pale in comparison to the intense garlic aroma of the granule.

5. Horse urine

It’s got to be the more offensive and pungent of the two, right? Plus, it has an incredible ability to hang around. It clings to boots, clothes, even (God forbid) hair! Transport a stained stable rug in the boot of your car at your own risk…

There is one horse smell that’s best of all: the smell of your very own horse. There’s no better scent than the one you smell when hugging your horse and taking a big inhale.

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news from major shows throughout 2025, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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Do you remember being a pony-mad child in the 80s? If so, then these may well sound familiar…

1. You avidly followed the exploits of Fred, the Horse & Pony pony. You may even have owned a share in him.

2. You had posters of iconic grey racehorse Desert Orchid all over your bedroom.

3. Your heroes were Ginny Elliott (although she was Ginny Holgate or Leng at the time), pictured above, and Harvey Smith.

4. You sneakily got hold of your mum’s copy of Jilly Cooper’s Riders and fell madly in love with Rupert Campbell-Black, even though you were a bit embarrassed by all the sex stuff.

5. You had a jute rug for the stable, which you’d thatch (pack) with straw to keep your pony warm on cold, wet days, and a canvas New Zealand rug to keep him dry in the field, which weighed a tonne when it got wet and muddy.

6. Your favourite books (that you were actually allowed to read, unlike Jilly Cooper) were by Josephine Pullein-Thompson, or the Ruby Ferguson “Jill” series. You wished you owned Black Boy and Rapide.

7. You had the original My Little Ponies that actually look like horses (albeit multi-coloured ones), but went off them when they got wings and fish tails and stuff like that.

8. Your mum answered your plea for a pony by buying you a Sindy pony. Sadly, you couldn’t quite hide your disappointment.

9. Your riding instructor spent some time each lesson teaching you how to do round-the-worlds and scissors.

10. Your riding hat was basically a cardboard and velvet shell with a piece of elastic for a chinstrap, unless your parents were prepared to fork out for a crash hat, in which case you could look forward to an even more spotty chin than usual thanks to the chin cup.

11. You used to hack out for hours with your mate and her pony and a saddlebag full of Disco crisps and Wagon Wheels.

12. Hardly anyone had trailers, so you used to hack to local gymkhanas.

13. You got a copy of the Pony Club annual in your Christmas stocking every year.

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There are only 24 hours in a day, seven days in the week and 365 days in a year, so we can’t – as much as we like to think we can – do it all.

Here are six things most equestrians have probably sacrificed at some point for their horses’ benefit…

1. Relationships

It can be hard for a significant other to come to terms with the fact that – no matter how hard they try – they will never, ever be the number one in a horse owner’s life. They might come a close second (unless you have numerous horses, or a dog) but unfortunately for them, that top slot is already filled. While you try to share the love as much as you can, relationships can become increasingly strained due to this four-legged presence. The final straw was probably when you forgot your partner’s birthday but remembered your horse’s…

2. Holidays

Your friends have stopped asking you on group holidays as they know that you’ll either not be able to afford it due to farrier costs, vets bills and show entries, or will definitely prioritise a weekend of competing over a weekend with them. Your summer holidays are competitions and/or camps and if you do ever want a day off, you’ll head to Badminton or Burghley to spectate – you wouldn’t have it any other way. Spa breaks aren’t really your thing…

3. Working out

Do you really need a gym membership or sports club to stay in shape? Daily yard tasks such as mucking out and lugging water buckets means you’re certainly not lacking in strength. You get your endorphin hits after an incredible lesson and your cardiovascular health only gets better as you run up and down the field trying to catch your horse.

4. Money

With horses, any money we earn usually goes in one hand and out the other. Saving is pretty much impossible. While “normal” people might splurge on a nice bag or new car once their finances are looking healthy, we would rather treat our horses…

5. Sleep

Health professionals recommend humans get between seven and nine hours sleep per night. If you’re a horse owner then you’re likely to be surviving on much less. Early mornings to get a quick ride in before work, late nights spent doing jobs on the yard and late night/early morning road trips to far flung showgrounds at the weekend. What is this sleep you speak of?

6. Careers

Not everyone lives to work and many horse owners have jobs to fund their equestrian dreams. While some careers are built in the office, many riders put the hours in so they can live out their passions once they get to the yard.

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In this journey we call life, we’re all set to experience multiple highs and lows along the way. And if you’re an equestrian, the same applies to the horses you will own and ride.

When you look back at the steeds who have made up your horsey life – the ones you loved and the ones you wish you have today – you’ll wonder how you managed to fit it all in. There will be many, of all shapes and sizes, types and heights, all with varying temperaments and personalities.

Here are five horses or ponies you are likely to have during your lifetime. Which one do you remember the most?

1. The first one

Your first is always one you remember fondly. If you were lucky enough to have a pony as a child then your mount will most likely have been something selected by your parents. Their challenge lied in juggling safety with a modest budget, and trying to keep you in one piece while your youth and inexperience meant you liked to go fast and jump high.

We all know too well that a pony can change its mind from one second to the next, so despite your parents’ best efforts, you would often find yourself going head over heels when said pony would decide it was done with Pony Club games practice and fancied a snack.

Nevertheless, this chap probably taught you the importance of perseverance, not to mention he helped you develop the sticky seat you have today.

2. The one that just went wrong

We’ve all had one of these. The horse you bought with so much promise and prospect. You started your journey with him full of enthusiasm and plans, only to be in exactly the same place a year later. He was the one step forward, five steps back kind of horse. You name it, he’d probably get it, meaning another month or so off work.

He was always the one who’d get kicked in the field. You’d practically cry with frustration every time you’d look at his regal, handsome head over the stable door, or read about his full brother taking the competition world by storm.

By the end, your bank account had been used more times than you’d actually managed to ride him. Sometimes, it’s just not meant to be.

3. The ultimate one

Quite often, this guy would fill the role of a second or third pony or horse. Your riding was still improving but you’d obtained enough experience during your childhood that you could bring some more skills to the table. You just instantly gelled with this horse; you just got each other. You’d be the envy of all your friends, you’d be the ones to give a lead out hunting when needed or the ones to nanny the youngsters out riding.

He was a bombproof superstar who could nail a dressage test but could also fly around a cross-country track, before jumping clear in the showjumping. Plus, he had conformation to die for. Everything he did he did with a smile and he’d always give you his all.

Alas, the time came when you outgrew him – or he had to retire – and it was time for him to move onto pastures new or enjoy his senior years in the field. But you will always remember him as your horse or pony of a lifetime, and you’re still waiting for another to be just as good…

4. The one that got away

That ‘should I, shouldn’t I?’ moment cost you big time when a horse you had your eye on but couldn’t make your mind up on was taken away from your grasp. This could have been a horse you’d scouted out in a field on your daily drive to work, or something you’d seen as a youngster which you thought had star quality.

While you let the opportunity pass you by, another eagle eyed equestrian was on the ball, taking said horse to the dizzy heights of stardom. While you’re happy he has become something special, you are kicking yourself that you didn’t take a gamble on him.

5. The one that taught you the most

Perhaps a youngster you’d bought or a horse you decided to take a punt on. At the time it felt like the blood, sweat and tears put into this horse wasn’t worth it, but looking back, this one taught you the most of them all.

From the ‘discussions’ you had about going up the lane first, to the words you had trying to persuade him to load into the lorry. While to say he wasn’t easy is a great understatement, the challenges you overcame together were invaluable experiences which made you into the horse person you are today.

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We might be tougher than nails when it comes to battling through the elements to get our horses exercised, but words can upset us horsey folk, too.

Here are seven phrases non-equestrians often bat around without realising that they might well offend a horse owner…

1. “Horse riding isn’t a real sport”

Usually followed by a justification similar to: “but the horse does all the work”.

2. “Your horse is sooo cute”

He’s actually an elite athlete with multiple talents, who is disguised as a cuddly, fluffy teddy bear who likes back scratches and mints.

3. “You must be really rich if you have a horse”

Correction, I could possibly be rich if I didn’t have a horse…

4. “Why does he/she always beat you?”

Usually spoken by a new-to-the-scene significant other who has recently been thrust into the world of equestrian competition and doesn’t know the difference between the professionals and you. Give it time. Those stark contrasts will soon become apparent…

5. “That (pointing to a random donkey across the hillside) looks like your horse!”

Saying that all horses look the same is the equivalent of saying that all children under four years old look the same. It’s not true and it’s pretty damn rude to someone’s carefully selected genetics, equine or human.

6. “You look like you have a horse”

What does this actually mean? That I somehow resemble a horse in my physique or facial aesthetics? Or do I just have a ‘horsey person’ look about me? Either way, I’m offended by this statement.

7. “Just have a day off from the horses”

Equestrianism is a way of life, not a hobby you can just pick up and put down. 24/7, seven days a week, 365 days a year. If you want my company you have to book me five or six working weeks ahead so I can arrange suitable care for my beloved. And if I’m away from the yard for too long I get withdrawals, so we better not go away for too long…

You may think you blend seamlessly into your current life as an astrophysicist/CEO/airline pilot, but there will always be those

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In this day and age, equestrian social media has its own bespoke landscape. There are entire corners of the internet devoted to us, fuelled by hashtags and algorithms that serve a curated menu of horsey posts directly to your feed. If you need a laugh, advice, inspiration or a life hack, there’s an equestrian social media destination for you.

Of course, Instagram, Facebook, TikTok and Snapchat all come with their downsides. You might be on the receiving end of some unsolicited feedback, feel the uncomfortable pang of FOMO, or even engage in a bit of doomscrolling when it comes to equestrian media. It’s far from a perfect world. Nonetheless, it’s one a great many of us are part of, and will be for the foreseeable.

That said, we want to keep things light for the purpose of this post. Equestrian social media habits can be fun, quirky and eyeroll-inducing – which of these cute or toe-curling customs have you partaken of online?

Equestrian social media habits we all recognise

1. Staying up until 3am after hitting a rich seam of entertaining Instagram reels – it’s so hard to stop the scroll!

2. Sending said reels to your friends so they wake up to an inbox full of unhinged posts that made 3am you giggle.

3. Adding a newly appointed panel judge on Facebook before the season starts and ensuring you like all their status updates.

4. Posting a “wanted” advert for a new horse when you are in no financial position to buy one.

5. Tagging your friend in the comments on Facebook ads for horses you are both in no financial position to buy.

6. Posting in a Facebook community group asking what to feed your horse instead of speaking to a qualified nutritionist.

7. Asking that question as an anonymous member.

8. Sharing every single competition post you find across social media platforms, whether it is for a new numnah or a new horsebox. Got to be in it to win it!

9. Wondering if you might be over-posting your horse as you upload the fourth Insta story update of the day and third grid post of the week.

10. Starting an equestrian-specific Instagram account so your excessive posts find the right audience.

11. Wondering if, actually, you could start monetising your new account. You spend hours making your horse do super cute, funny or impressive things for a constant stream of reels.

12. Investing in an influencer kit that comes with a tripod and accessories like this one on Amazon or this top-rated 360º camera to give said reels an extra flavour of professionalism.

13. Committing to this for a while but ultimately deciding to return to spamming your original account with your horse. It’s your page, you’ll post what you want!

14. Sharing advice on a post in your local horsey group, then accidentally entering into a three-hour debate that you cannot leave until you feel you’ve really made your point.

15. Making a very cheeky offer on a second-hand saddle you spotted for sale.

16. Posting a story update about your competition win before you have rung your mum or dad. Or, in fact, have even dismounted from the horse.

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Stay in touch with all the news in the run-up to and throughout the major shows and events during 2026 and beyond with a Horse & Hound subscription. Subscribe today for all you need to know ahead of these major events, plus online reports on the action as it happens from our expert team of reporters and in-depth analysis in our special commemorative magazines. Have a subscription already? Set up your unlimited website access now

Pony Club camp is an enjoyable rite of passage for most young equestrians. Many of us at Horse & Hound have happy memories of our days at camp, even if some of the things that we got up to will have most likely been outlawed in these more health-and-safety-conscious days.

Here are some of our special memories of yesteryear…

1. Soaking our chief instructor in a water fight before he had the chance to remove his very expensive made-to-measure dressage boots – this one earnt us a serious ticking off so we don’t recommend it, although the look on his face was hilarious.

2. On the subject of water, if we refused to take a shower while at camp, then we found ourselves being rinsed under the yard hose instead.

3. Nightly exposure to mass catering custard means the yellow stuff still makes us want to gag.

4. But we learnt not to be daunted by washing-up on a huge scale — and importantly, that we wouldn’t be given clean hot water if we tipped half a bowl of leftover cocoa pops and milk into the tub at an early stage.

5. If you were clever, you worked out how to clean your tack to earn a 10 at inspection without showing the hidden bits a sponge. And how to tack up in two minutes flat, because the rest of the time you’d spent running around making sure the rest of your tackroom/team/ride was ready.

6. When you’re young, you don’t need much sleep and it’s easier to see in the dark — we had plenty of practice sneaking around after curfew.

7. Talking of which, some of us might be a little more light-fingered than we care to admit after slipping into the adult accommodation and helping ourselves to their alcohol.

8. The above played absolutely no part in us feeling decidedly green about the gills and falling off our horses three times the next day – the aforementioned chief instructor still made us get back on.

9. As payback, we worked out all the possible ways to deliberately sabotage his end-of-camp musical ride, by going freestyle and taking our teams with us, before rescuing it and making it look like that our deviations were actually part of his original plan – except both he and we knew they weren’t.

What are your special memories of Pony Club camp? Share them with us at hhletters@futurenet.com, including your name, nearest town and county, for the chance to have your stories published in a future edition of Horse & Hound magazine.

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Hands up who hasn’t got the traditional rider’s tan: arms like you’ve been on holiday in the Bahamas, legs like you’ve been trekking across the Arctic Circle. No one? But strap marks and white legs are the least of the worries for riders during the summer. Do any of these sound familiar?

1. You’ve gone to the yard on the way to work and if you are brave enough to then get your pins out in the office (fake tan ahoy), the breech and sock marks just add to the “look”, we feel.

2. You’ve gone to the yard on the way to work (do you sense a theme here?) and have, of course, made sure your trusty steed is well protected against flies… as will your colleagues be. Still, we think great wafts of eau de fly spray are preferable to the eau de la merde du cheval said colleagues may be more used to.

3. Hat hair. It’s never a good coiffure choice, but if you thought it looked rather nasty after a half-hour schooling session in January, going cross-country in warm weather is a whole new ball game.

4. Of course, we have to mention where to ride. The fields are hard, the school’s getting deep and the roads – let’s not go there. But as it wasn’t long ago we were dealing with six inches of snow, followed by torrential rain/waterlogging and were contemplating scuba diving rather than riding, we can’t bring ourselves to complain – much.

5. Hot feet. Losing a toe as a result of leading two horses in flip-flops may mean a 10% discount at future pedicures, but we really don’t recommend it. Tough boots and sweaty feet, however delightful, have to be better than sporting just the nine toes.

6. Hands up who enjoys studding up? No one again? But what could be more fun than finding a tiny piece of gravel exactly the width of the stud hole, perfectly positioned and immovable in the thread?

7. As we all know, the prevailing wind in any yard can be calculated by looking at the muckheap: it will always be towards the wheelbarrow-emptier, wherever he or she is standing. And if a face full of shavings carried on the breeze is fun in winter, when there isn’t a square millimetre of skin showing, it’s even more fun when you’re wearing a vest top…

Summer is finally here (for the moment), and with it comes the light, warmth and much more besides. This is

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1. They always cost more than you expect. You budget for your horse and then he needs a vet’s visit, new rugs or the lorry breaks down. You budget for hen parties, but then there are always extras for drinks, activities, games or decorations.

2. You make lots of new friends. However you know the bride, it’s likely her hen party will bring together friends from lots of different areas of her life… and odds-on, they are going to be nice people (like your friend). Ready-made new friends! Similarly, horse riders will always find something to bond over quickly when parked next to each other at an event, stabled together or if they just exchange a friendly word out hacking.

3. Occasionally, there are tears. Horses can be tough, hen dos can be emotional. Need we say more?

4. There’s always more mess than you expect. You know how it is with horses — however tidy you try to keep the yard, tackroom or feed room, there’s always washing hanging up, straw blowing about or those stray pony nuts rolling around the floor. As for hen dos, it’s amazing how much hoovering up is needed after a few party poppers, some balloons full of confetti and a nice full pack of “Team Bride” napkins have done their worst.

5. You get a sash if you do well… which, in the case of a hen do, means if you’re the bride.

6. You have to pack lots of things. Taking your horse anywhere involves an awful lot of paraphernalia — particularly if you’re eventing and need kit for three different phases or staying away and have to take all that gubbins for feeding and mucking out as well as competition gear. Stay-away hen dos also seem to require a lot of stuff — outfits for activities, clothes for going out in the eventing and pyjamas which are fit for other people to see.

7. And it seems like you come home with even more stuff. In the case of hen dos, there’s probably going to be leftover food and booze and perhaps some sort of fancy dress, matching T-shirt or grown-up party bag (note — if you’re the bride, you should just take an extra suitcase, or perhaps an extra car/book an extra train or plane seat, for all the extra stuff you’re going to come home with). In the case of horses, even if you resist the urge to shop at the show, by the time you’ve used all your tack, clothes and horsecare gear, it seems to have magically expanded…

8. Make-up and hair removal are needed to get the participants ready for action and looking their best. Need we say more?

9. Don’t forget the water. Horses need water. Apparently people do too… woman cannot live on alcohol alone.

10. Photos are a vital part of the whole experience — and putting them on social media afterwards. We’re all suckers for a lovely picture of our pony, whether taken by ourselves, our mum or the professional photographer. And no hen do is complete without plenty of photos of the bride and her gals.

11. But most of all, they’re a whole lot of fun! We wouldn’t swap our horses for the world and a girly weekend away — or just a day or a night — can be just the tonic that’s needed amidst the humdrum of everyday life.

P.S The points above may well apply to stag dos too. But the writer cannot vouch for this from personal experience.

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13 things all the best horsey mums and dads do for their kids

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There are a bunch of common misconceptions that normal people can have about the horsey.

How many of these seven have you heard before?

1. That we’re rich

Probably the most famed stereotype is that all horse owners have deep pockets. This is very often not the case and many riders pride themselves on grafting hard behind the scenes to fund their lifestyle. While the non-horsey might chose to spend their disposable income on nights out, holidays or on shopping trips, riders pump the majority of their earnings into haylage, bedding and vets bills (yes, we know we’re crazy, but we’re not all spoilt).

2. That we have no time for anything else

Another assumption is that we spend all our time at the yard with our horses as company, which isn’t necessarily true. Horse owners are the ultimate jugglers, often spinning several plates at once in order to get everything done. Sometimes we just wish there was more than 24 hours in a day…

3. That we smell of haylage and horse poo (all of the time)

Granted, there are times when we do just have to succumb to the odour of horse, perhaps after a long day in the saddle or when partaking in a particularly ‘smelly job’. But while our houses might be messy, we like to run a tight ship at the stables, keeping everything clean and in order. So you’re unlikley to smell us before you see us, contrary to popular opinion.

4. That we just sit there

Probably the one which grinds our gears the most is the “but you just sit there” saying, which goes hand in hand with the comment that horse riding “isn’t a real sport”. We have no words but suggest offering a free ride on your horse to anyone who makes these claims. They’ll be backtracking in no time…

5. That we jump really huge fences

On the other end of the scale are those who think that because we own a horse means we’re in line for the next Olympics. While many of us do enjoy the thrill of competing, many have a horse for pleasure or some might not even ride at all.

6. That all horses are the same

Absolutely not true, but trying to explain the array of different breeds, types and sections within some breeds of horses and ponies completely boggles the mind of some, so sometimes it’s best just to smile and nod.

7. That all we care about is our horse

We can possibly give them this one, because from the amount of photographs we post on social media it would be easy to assume that our horse is our only purpose in life. However, we are fond of other things, we just don’t shout about them as much.

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We’re forever grateful the millennium bug had no bite, or we wouldn’t have had the chance to be a horsey kid in the noughties. At a time everyone played Snake, the Gallagher brothers plunged into all-out warfare and the TV hit Big Brother launched, the contemporary horsey child was deciding which of their Joules polo shirts to wear, or writing fan mail to Mary King after her Badminton win. It was a wholesome time.

If you were a horsey kid in the noughties, you’re now approaching – even surpassing – 30, and it’s a fact many of us are in total denial about. Notwithstanding, there’s nothing like looking back and feeling the comforting glow of nostalgia when you’ve a big birthday barrelling towards you like a runaway train. A runaway train full of official-looking letters, bills, unanswered Whatsapps and Teams meeting invites.

Moving swiftly on, here are some of our most striking memories of life as a pony-mad Y2K kid that we hope are universal and not just a sign of equestrian mania. How many sound familiar to you?

Signs you were a horsey kid in the noughties

1. The fashion was unparalleled

Your yard wardrobe consisted of coloured jodhpurs, quilted waistcoats and bulky waterproof jackets emblazoned with your name and your pony’s. Off the yard, your attire had to signal to the rest of society that your identity was unapologetically linked to all things equestrian. Cue “I love my pony” tees, cowboy hats and Dubarry boots at every opportunity.

2. Clothing sponsorships were reserved for the pros only

With social media yet to enter the chat, pony-mad kids turned to the sports top riders for what to wear. As soon as Ellen Whitaker started sporting Caldene in the ring, it became the hottest property.

3. There was no cult of matchy-matchy

Sure, we’ve grown to adore the matchy and squeal with excitement at LeMieux’s latest colour drop, but back in the day it just wasn’t really a thing. However, there was an exception to this rule – a hunter trial. But there were no sleek baselayers sported here, it was all about the big cotton jerseys in migraine-inducing colourways and designs. Bonus points for custom made shirts with your fave colours.

4. Speaking of clobber, you couldn’t wait for the Robinsons catalogue to hit the doormat

Picture it: lying on your front on the living room for, legs whimsically kicking back and forth. One hand supports your chin, the other circles saddles, bridles, boots, jackets, yard equipment – you name it – in the pages of your seasonal shopping bible. You present the leafed-through volume to an unsuspecting parent. They’d be better off not looking at the prices…

5. You had a whole yard in your bedroom

While rosettes and pony posters covered the walls, Breyer, Schleich and Julip horses littered the floor. Each had a name, a training programme and its own set of tack. If only your own pony’s stable was this small, you’d have him mucked out in seconds…

6. You also had a virtual yard

The noughties really was the era of equestrian gaming. Mary King Riding Star, the Barbie Horse Adventures franchise, Lucinda Green’s Equestrian Challenge, Pippa Funnell: Take The Reins – in those days, you spent as much time training your virtual pony as you did your real one. Honourable mention to Pippa Funnell: The Stud Farm Inheritance, this writer’s all-time favourite game. The sheep herding challenge still gives me nightmares… if you know, you know.

7. Watching Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron was the highlight of your childhood

This 2002 film is probably Matt Damon’s most prestigious voice credit (as far as we’re concerned, anyway). Spirit had it all – strong message, mild-to-major peril, the power of the horse-human bond, but more importantly, the mother of all soundtracks. Seriously, Bryan Adams did not need to go that hard for a film about a horse. But he did, and we are eternally grateful.

8. Waiting for on-the-day show photos…

If you wanted a snap of your round, you took home a photographer’s printout. None of this ‘downloading a digital image to upload to Facebook and Instagram’ malarkey. If you were at a busy show, though, this could take forever. You’d be back and forth to the photographer’s tent, with each visit hoping the SD card with your class photos on had finally been retrieved. But alas, each trip would be in vain.

When you finally got that gorgeous glossy pic in a cardboard frame, though? Pure euphoria.

9. …but when you got a digital camera of your own, everything went on Facebook

We’re talking hundreds of snaps spread over multiple albums with names like <3 x PC CAMP 2006!! x <3. You painstakingly tagged your friends in each photo. Extra marks awarded to riders who made Facebook accounts for their ponies, and tagged them too.

10. The Pony Club Camp dress code was extreme

Cream jods, tie and tweed jacket for every ridden session! These days, most branches allow an affiliated polo shirt and jumper. We’ve even heard rumours of black and navy jodhpurs finding their way into the quintessential Pony Club wardrobe, which we’re sure today’s horsey parents are delighted by!

11. You were a true all-rounder

If you were a horsey kid in the noughties, you did a bit of everything – there was no specialism in one particular discipline. The average summer show took place in a random field, with about eight different grass rings and hundreds of classes of all kinds on offer.

Getting through the day took some serious scheduling, and it wasn’t uncommon to see kids cantering between rings because they had a showjumping round at 9.15am and “pony with the most appealing eyes” at 9.20am. Before lunch there’d be a dressage test and a working hunter pony class. Then, after a burger, you’d drag the family dog around an agility course before tacking your pony back up for gymkhana games and wrapping the day with handy pony.

Have we missed any essential noughties memories? Write to us at hhletters@futurenet.com with your insights, including your name, nearest town and county for the chance to be included in a future issue of Horse & Hound magazine.

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news from major shows throughout 2025, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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For many riders, a horse is for life, so when they sign up to an equine partner they know they’re going to be in each other’s lives for a very long time.

If you’ve owned your horse for 10-plus years, you can probably relate to one or more of these…

1. It’s the longest relationship you’ve ever had 

Partners, friends and even family have been and gone, some being in the picture for longer than others, but your horse has been by your side for the duration. You’ve lost connections, and formed new ones. You’ve dated some of the bad ones, some of the good ones and some you would rather just forget about altogether, and only a select few have ever met your horse. While you’ve had ups and downs with your horse, the relationship you have with him is the most stable (pun intended) in your life.

2. You know each other inside out 

You know everything about him; his likes, dislikes, quirks and favourite treats. Likewise, he has a pretty good gauge of your personality traits and what makes you tick.

3. Though your horse still manages to surprise you regularly 

Just when you think he can’t possibly do anything to take you by surprise, he’ll throw in an unpredicted stop at a cross-pole, spook while on a hacking route he’s done 1,000 times before or will refuse to load. No matter how long you’ve owned a horse, they’ll always find new ways to bring you back down to earth, sometimes with a thud.

4. You sometimes get asked when you’re getting a new horse 

Those on the yard who prefer to move on and change horses every couple of seasons sometimes question why you’ve stayed with the same steed for so long. Though deep down you know that if your horse was to leave the yard, there would be a huge hole where his personality was and he’d be greatly missed by everyone.

5. You’ve been through many physical changes together 

Looking back at old photographs makes you cringe. Why did your friends let you go out wearing that outfit, and why did you ever think that hairstyle was a good idea? Your horse has also suffered a similar glow-up; the gangly, immature youngster has changed beyond recognition, and you’ve definitely improved your turnout abilities, too, which has sharpened the picture.

6. You forget how old your horse is 

Sometimes you have have to check his passport just to confirm which year he was born and you’re always shocked. Where have the years gone and what’s the secret to his everlasting youth?

7. You hope you’ll make it to two decades

Your horse is your life partner and you just hope you get the opportunity to grow old together.

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news from major shows throughout 2025, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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If you’re a first generation rider, with non-horsey parents and horses definitely aren’t in your blood, you can probably relate to one of these six situations…

1. You grew up begging for riding lessons

While your parents wished you might take up a cheaper — and more lucrative — sport, you stuck to your guns and continued pestering for a lesson at your local riding school until they gave in. Similarly, you struggled to hide your intense disappointment when there wasn’t a pony-shaped present under the tree at Christmas…

2. Your family still don’t really understand what you do with your horse

Your non-horsey parents still question why you don’t come home with a red rosette and a big pot of prize money every time you’re out competing with your horse, while your grandparents think you’re in the running to compete at the next Olympics. Everyone is baffled that you’d spend your mornings, evenings and weekends at the yard with your horse, and why you fork out all this money for him to live his best life while you scrimp on your own essentials.

3. Your schedule for the festive period looks very different to other family members

Your siblings’ two weeks of annual leave will be starkly different to yours. While they might be able to spend a few relaxing days enjoying the festivities at your family home, you will need to schedule some organised Christmas fun into your daily horse care routine. This will probably involve a few dashes back to the yard and some serious planning with your livery buddies who can help you out while you do the obligatory Christmas day rounds visiting family members. Of course, you’ll need to be back in time to get ready for your local Boxing Day meet!

4. Any family holiday or celebration has to be planned outside of competition season

When you couldn’t attend your cousin’s wedding as it was championship week, your non-horsey family knew you were serious about your horsey escapades and that plans would need to be checked with you well in advance to ensure your presence. To avoid any inevitable fall out, you now know to send a list in the New Year with key dates to be avoided at all costs. You have your priorities inline and your family has to get on board.

5. You’re never asked to drive or host

Maybe it’s an unfair assumption for some equestrians, but many of us are not ashamed that we use our cars as a mode of transportation for rugs, feed and hay, and our houses handily double up as a tack room. Therefore, you’re not asked to host birthday parties or drive the car on trips. Though, it’s funny how you’re always asked to put the car into a tricky parking space if needed, thanks to your skills picked up from years of navigating large horseboxes into impossibly tight gaps.

6. Your parents finally realise your horse obsession isn’t just a phase

Alas, it was hoped that you might grow out of your love for horses, just as you outgrew your My Little Pony-themed bedroom. However, as you outgrew each set of riding boots and jodhpurs and needed new ones you only became more and more obsessed with the idea of owning your own horse one day. Now, your parents have just about come round to the idea that you’ll forever be an equestrian.

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news from major shows throughout 2025, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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We’ve all imagined what life with our horses would be like if we had fancy facilities, such as an Olympic-sized arena, an on-site cross-country course and a horsewalker or water treadmill for those days when we just don’t have time to ride. But for the majority of us, these are just a dream.

Most equestrians have to make do with what they have access to. They live within their means, getting the best from their horses without the benefit of a school, a luxurious lorry, or those added extras that many of the top pros can enjoy.

Here are a few things that riders without fancy equestrian facilities can relate to.

1. Your schooling exercises are done out hacking

If you don’t have an arena or a field to ride in, then you’ll use hacking as a chance to teach and train your horse essential basics that form the foundations of quality schooling. Ensuring your horse goes forward while working in a correct outline does not have to be confined to a session in the sand school. Without an arena, you’re challenged to get creative; leg yielding and shoulder-in exercises can be ridden on disused lanes, while on-point walk to canter transitions can be trained on safe areas of grass.

2. You know the schedule of every local equestrian centre

Similarly, if you don’t have the luxury of an arena at home, you’ll likely opt to get some outings in ahead of the competitive season so that you have ridden in some sort of rectangle-shaped space ahead of your debut. This means you can recite the price lists, timings and facilities on offer at all of the equestrian centres in your local area.

3. You’ve become a DIY pro

With just yourself and/or a few long-suffering family members to help out, you’ve become very handy at fixing anything and everything on the yard, usually on a minimal budget. General maintenance or doing odd jobs doesn’t faze these riders in the slightest. If the fencing is down or a new tie ring needs fitting, you know how to navigate a drill, and if the hedge needs trimming, you can handle a strimmer like a professional gardener.

4. You can’t sleep the week before your lorry’s MOT

Sending the old faithful into the garage always provokes anxiety as you worry if she’ll be deemed roadworthy to make it through another MOT. While you regard the stiff door handles, mouldy seats and it’s reluctance to start when the weather is cold as “quirks”, you wonder if the mechanic will think the same…

5. Or, you don’t have transport so rely on the generosity of friends

Not every equestrian has the luxury of a lorry or trailer to use at their leisure. In many instances, sharing a load with a yard friend or grabbing a lift en route to a show is the only way to get out and about. Of course, you come prepared with fuel money, baked goods and great banter for the road.

6. You dread competition prep days

Without the benefit of a wash bay, a solarium or a hot water shower, you can see why many opt to only go out to play during the warmer seasons. However, if you don’t consider yourself a fair weather competitor, you’ll be all too familiar with the struggle of lugging hot water barrels from your car to the yard, or plaiting under torchlight with frozen fingers. Winter competitions are not for the faint-hearted, and if you have a grey, we really do salute you.

7. You never let it deter you

But even without the benefit of fancy facilities, you never let it prevent you and your horse from doing your best and enjoying yourselves along the way.

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news from major shows throughout 2025, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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Horse people are prone to the odd cliché or two, just like any other walk of life. Here are a few over-used phrases you’ve almost certainly come across…

1. “Genuine reason for sale”

Something that frequently pops up in horse ads, of course there’s a “genuine” reason for sale – you may well be genuinely terrified of the beast because he keeps double-barrelling you. It’s like when a judge on a TV talent show says, “you’re the best singer in the competition, and I genuinely mean that” – actually it’s probably the most insincere thing you’ve ever heard.

2. “Dope on a rope”

Urgh. Please stop saying this.

3.“Totally bombproof”

If a bomb went off near your horse, he’d be blown to bits. So are you actually claiming your horse is made of lead, or Teflon? Because that’s just weird.

4. “He’s got a leg in each corner”

Where did this one come from? It’s commonly used to refer to a chunky sort of horse, but if a horse didn’t have a leg in each corner, he topple over.

5. “It is with a heavy heart that I am advertising my horse for sale”

Angsty horse ads are an often repeated trend. We get it — you feel guilty about selling your horse. So either don’t sell him, if you feel that bad, or keep your feelings to yourself, because they’re irrelevant to potential buyers.

6. “You’ve got to get him listening to you!”

Shouted by almost every (slightly frustrated) riding instructor ever.

7. “I’m just popping down to the yard for a minute”

Two hours later, you stagger back through the front door, just as your worried parent/partner is about to ring the police, imagining you unconscious in a ditch somewhere.

8. “Oh, I lost track of time,” you explain airily.

Another over-used equestrian phrase, right there. Guilty as charged.

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• To stay up to date with all the breaking news from major shows throughout 2025, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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Stay in touch with all the news in the run-up to and throughout the major shows and events during 2026 and beyond with a Horse & Hound subscription. Subscribe today for all you need to know ahead of these major events, plus online reports on the action as it happens from our expert team of reporters and in-depth analysis in our special commemorative magazines. Have a subscription already? Set up your unlimited website access now

Our horses are often more like family than friends, and there are certain times when they really do help us to overcome the most difficult hardships and struggles.

Here are 10 times in life when your horse really is your best mate…

1. When you’ve had a bad day at the office

A good blast on your horse after that meeting you were dreading or a manic day behind the desk can be the best thing for your mental health and can leave you feeling like a new person ready to take on tomorrow.

2. When you move away from home

When you’re suddenly thrust into a new setting with new surroundings and faces to navigate, it can be settling to have one person — your horse — that you know.

3. When you break up with someone

Who needs a signifcant other when you’ve got your horse? Plus, unlike your friends, your horse is unlikely to give the “I told you so” speech when you unburden yourself to him.

4. When your child goes away to study

You’ve spent the past two decades caring for your children so when they leave home you can suddenly feel at a loss. This is when a horse can definitely fill a hole and give you a well-needed focus.

5. When you have a fall-out

An argument at home or with friends can leave you feeling down. But a quick nuzzle from your horse over the stable door and you quickly realise that you’re never really alone.

6. When you feel stressed or anxious

Horses are great listeners, and a peaceful hack after a stressful day can melt away all of your troubles so you feel ready to tackle any situation.

7. When you feel like you have no other friends

Human relationships change, but your horse will love you unconditionally and will not de-friend you for any reason whatsoever.

8. When you’re feeling adventurous

Fancy getting out and exploring the big wide world? Saddle up and head out for an adventure with you horse — you won’t regret it.

9. When you’re out of work or retired

Life slows down a little bit, so it’s lovely to have a partner in crime to wander across the countryside and take in the surroundings with.

10. When you just feel a bit sad

Feeling teary? Grab a chunk of mane and settle in for a long cuddle. Instant mood lift.

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news from major shows throughout 2025, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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If you’ve ever been completely put off someone or something at the yard, chances are you’ve fallen victim to the equestrian ick. Once caught, it’s difficult to remedy – it might just be simpler to commiserate with the rest of us.

The equestrian ick: what is it?

For those not in the know, “the ick” is a dating concept first coined in US TV comedy Ally McBeal, but its popularity reached new heights when it was popularised on UK dating show Love Island. In its purest form, an ick is something – often a mannerism or personality trait – a person does that makes you cringe. In the dating world, icks can be so extreme that they completely turn you off someone, even signalling the end of the relationship.

Dating icks can be obvious, like chewing noisily or being rude to serving staff, or a little more buoyant, banal and downright bizarre. Examples include a romantic prospect struggling to find the end on a roll of Sellotape, or dropping something that gets caught by the wind, forcing them to chase after it all hunched over.

Icks have taken on a variety of different genres. Platonic icks apply to friends, you can give co-workers the ick by labelling your food or leaving crumbs in your keyboard. Increasingly, horse folk are coming forward with their own brand of equestrian ick.

So, how might we define an equestrian ick? From our point of view, it’s anything that repulses, puts off or makes an equestrian cringe and could encompass a saying, and action, even a feeling – as long as it relates to horses.

Equestrian icks: what makes us cringe?

Icks debunked, it feels only right to list some of the most ear-burning examples we can think of. Mind you, icks can be personal – so, if you don’t feel “seen” reading this list, do let us know what we’re missing.

1. Riding without a hat

Let’s start with a serious one. This is an absolute no-no and possibly the cringiest thing someone can do on multiple fronts. Firstly, the sheer second-hand embarrassment that the rider in question thinks this is a good move. Secondly, the uncomfortable knowledge that their head is unprotected. Bonus ick if the person posts a video of hatless riding on social media…

2. Saddle pads not being pulled up at the wither

Have you ever looked down and noticed your saddle cloth isn’t neatly bordering the pommel any more? Oh no. We pity your horse’s withers.

3. People being precious about horse poo

More frequently griped about from the comfort of social media by beleaguered local residents tired of a few lumps of chewed-up grass adorning the road. However, this attitude can be seen in real life when un-horsey relatives shimmy away from any suggestion of manure when visiting a yard. No one told you to wear your white Adidas!

4. Untucked leather straps

Girths. Nosebands. Stirrup leathers. It just hurts to see these flapping about!

5. An (un)helpful helper

We dream of training up non-equestrians friends, relatives and partners to be useful, but frequently do they fall short. Jobs like yard-sweeping and poo-picking, surely no one can get them wrong, right? And yet, when they proudly show you their handiwork, all you feel is dismay. The droppings are only half picked up and the yard is somehow messier than when you left it. Their delight in such meagre results only serves to magnify this ick. Next time they ask for help with washing dishes, be sure to leave them half done – and see how they respond!

6. Forelock tucked into browband

Usually spotted in the arena mirrors if you’re the one riding. For the observer on the ground, this equestrian ick may be intensified by the rider reaching forward to release said forelock.

7. “Horses are so majestic…”

Usually uttered by the uninitiated and directed at the most run-of-the-mill-looking nag you’ve ever seen. Why is this the go-to descriptor for horses when they regularly spook at their own farts? Baffling.

8. Riding with hair untied

Getting to the yard and realising you haven’t brought a hair tie? Gutting. Check your horse’s grooming box to find no plaiting bands? Soul-destroying. You resign yourself to the discomfort of riding with loose hair, hoping the matronly yard owner doesn’t spot you and tell you off. That said, the feeling of pulling a plaiting band out of your ponytail is an equestrian ick in itself.

9. ‘But doesn’t that hurt him?’

What, having him shod? Gently pulling the girth up? Putting his headcollar on? No, it doesn’t. But I might hurt you, if you keep asking.

10. Not having your horse caught up for the farrier

We’ve all tutted at the one livery who’s turned up to find the farrier sitting in their truck, waiting for a horse grazing merrily half a kilometre away. But don’t be so quick to judge – you too have felt the white-hot shame of keeping them waiting at some point!

11. Someone pestering to feed your horse and snatching their hand away…

… as soon as his lip makes contact with their palm. Practice makes perfect, especially if you’re not used to a giant creature taking food from your hand… but still.

12. When you don’t get the canter transition spot-on

Cue the horse’s legs going a mile a minute and you barely holding on in hyper-speed sitting trot for the entire short end. For shame!

13. “That’s a lovely bridle!”

Thanks. It’s actually a headcollar and I feel like I never want to speak to you again, but thanks all the same.

14. Skull caps with no silk

RIP you when you discover a wayward branch has plucked it from atop your hat while hacking.

15. And finally, spectating at shows in full competition gear

Not to go all Trinny and Susannah – people only need wear what they feel most comfortable in – but turning up to Olympia in boots and jods? Comfort doesn’t even come into it.

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news from major shows throughout 2025, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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Stay in touch with all the news in the run-up to and throughout the major shows and events during 2026 and beyond with a Horse & Hound subscription. Subscribe today for all you need to know ahead of these major events, plus online reports on the action as it happens from our expert team of reporters and in-depth analysis in our special commemorative magazines. Have a subscription already? Set up your unlimited website access now

While we agree that honesty is the best policy in most situations, there are certain times in our hectic lives as equestrians when it might feel necessary to tell the occasional small fib along the way.

Here are nine examples of little white lies every horsey person will have told at some point…

1. “I’ll be back from the yard in a couple of hours”

Add at least two hours onto this and then you might have a more realistic time. In other words, never plan anything for the exact time a horse rider says they’ll be home as you’re guaranteed to be waiting around.

2. “I bought it in the sale”

That rug that just landed through the door was definitely the brand new, high-tech, limited edition turnout you’ve had your eye on since its release a few days ago…

3. “I’m not doing that many shows this season”

This promise has fallen by the wayside and your calendar is once again jam-packed with shows and championships, like it is every year.

4. “I’ll clean my tack tomorrow”

Many weeks later and your bridle is still gagging for some conditioning creme and there is mud on your stirrups.

5. “I don’t think I was the last person to use your [insert expensive item of kit here]… but I’ll check”

Correction, I did borrow your [insert expensive item of kit here] but I left it in my car/in the lorry/at home, so I’ll get that back to you tomorrow.

6. “I would never put smelly horse rugs in here”

A not-so-convincing reply when your other half asks what that atrocious smell is in their freshly valeted car.

7. “We just had the one down today”

An easy answer when your fellow livery asks how you got on at the show. You just really can’t be bothered to explain how your horse stopped at the second fence, catapulted you over his head and proceeded to wreak havoc around the showground before being caught.

8. “I don’t really have time to ride today”

More like I really don’t have the motivation or I’m far too hungover to ride today.

9. “I needed another horse to keep mine company in the field”

While that is undoubtedly a benefit, the truth is I just wanted another one.

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news from major shows throughout 2025, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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Stay in touch with all the news in the run-up to and throughout the major shows and events during 2026 and beyond with a Horse & Hound subscription. Subscribe today for all you need to know ahead of these major events, plus online reports on the action as it happens from our expert team of reporters and in-depth analysis in our special commemorative magazines. Have a subscription already? Set up your unlimited website access now

It will not have escaped your notice that horses are high maintenance and expensive. In fact, it probably dawned on you pretty quickly when the hours you spent caring for your new horse on day one had to be repeated in full on day two. Plus he lost a shoe, so you can kiss Friday night’s takeaway budget goodbye.

Yes, the path of the horse owner is by no means smooth. The vast majority of us hold down full-time jobs to fund the upkeep of our equines, thereby engaging in an eternal battle with Father Time to squeeze in a precious daily hour or so to do the fun parts of horse ownership (chiefly ride and give treats).

It’s no wonder, then, that the rise of remote working/working from home has been embraced by our community. No more travelling wardrobe in the boot, or pointed comments about treading mud into the office. No more constant clock-watching for fear of being late, or running the petrol gauge to red by Wednesday. Just sweet freedom, and precious time recouped to do what you love best.

However, as you settled in to your remote working life, your team might have found one or two changes to your routine somewhat… perplexing. Your horsey life might have been kept somewhat under wraps in the office save the show photo on your desk and the odd strand of hay in your hair. Now with nothing to separate you from the yard but a (highly portable) screen, they’ll likely be getting the complete and unabridged version.

The eagle-eyed among you might have noticed the entire Horse & Hound team is remote working. I’d like to reassure readers that we uphold the highest professional standards and while you might recognise some of the points on this list, we’ve had to conduct extensive research to compile it. None of the below is a reflection of our own lives. For example, I am not typing this post with a lead rope tucked under my arm while the horse attached to it is shod.

So now I’ve cleared that up, here’s our list of things remote workers with horses understand – or at least what we think your colleagues might have noticed…

1. Your evolving wardrobe. Sure, you might have kept up appearances in the initial working from home weeks, but now you’re rocking up to virtual meetings in baselayers and hoodies that could probably walk themselves to the laundry basket. Bonus points if you log on still wearing your hi-vis.

2. Your use of wacky background images has become a talking point in meetings.

“Where are you today?” your colleagues chuckle, as your smile radiates from a tropical beach scene. They don’t need to know what’s actually behind you is a wall of rosettes and pictures from competitions (or your horse’s stable…).

3. Your consistent horsey profile images. Slack, Google, Teams, Zoom – you acquire so many online accounts as a remote worker. And every one of your profile pics has a horse in it, doesn’t it?

4. Interesting sound effects. Namely clip-clopping or hammering nails into shoes. “Oh, that?” you say. “That’s just next door’s builders…”

5. A lot of your email signoffs purport to be “Sent from my iPhone”. Well, it can be rather tempting to capitalise on the “remote” definition of your role. By which, I mean replying to emails from the tack room.

6. Clocking that you were online at 6am today! You shrug it off, saying you fancied an early start. But also, your instructor could only fit you in at four this afternoon so you’re pushing those flexible hours as far as they’ll go.

7. That you were a little out of breath hopping on that spontaneous Zoom. That’s because when call came in you’d literally just put your foot in the stirrup. The horror.

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news from major shows throughout 2025, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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We all know that total honesty is meant to be key to a happy relationship. But sometimes, what the eye doesn’t see, the heart doesn’t grieve over. Read on for seven secrets horsey people typically keep from their other halves…

1. We bring our tack into the kitchen to clean it when they aren’t looking.

2. Ok, total disclosure. Sometimes we bring it into the living room in front of the TV. But we always put a dust sheet or newspaper on the floor first, so that makes it ok, right?

3. That new saddle? Yeah, you were right — it is brand new and made to measure. The story about it being a lucky e-bay find was just that… a story. If only we showed as much imagination when coming up with ideas at work…

4. How much entry fees are. I mean, we sometimes moan about the cost of competing, but we are very careful never to mention an actual figure…

5. How many rugs our horses have. We’re a tiny bit embarrassed to admit even to our horsey friends that Bob The Cob, who may not need a rug at all, is the owner of no less than 26 different wardrobe options. Obviously 15 of them have detachable necks, too…

6. That we put our bits and stirrups in the dishwasher at the last minute when they’re not looking. You wondered why we’re sometimes so keen to unload it…

7. That we actually have one more horse than you know about. Ok, maybe we don’t all do this… some of us just aren’t that good at fibbing. But we definitely know people who made sure their latest purchase was the same colour as a current resident and assumed a non-horsey other half wouldn’t notice, provided they never saw the two together…

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news from major shows throughout 2025, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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Stay in touch with all the news in the run-up to and throughout the major shows and events during 2026 and beyond with a Horse & Hound subscription. Subscribe today for all you need to know ahead of these major events, plus online reports on the action as it happens from our expert team of reporters and in-depth analysis in our special commemorative magazines. Have a subscription already? Set up your unlimited website access now

Sometimes, when you’ve been out competing and your dressage test hasn’t gone quite as planned, there are some comments from the judges that you simply have to laugh at.

Here is a selection of our favourites we’ve seen written in the judge’s comments section on dressage sheets over the years.

1. “Talented horse with an opinion!”

2. “Flying changes not required at this level.”

3. “Horse may be better suited to a different sport.”

4. “Lacking activity behind”, shortly followed by a large buck and the comment, “Jolly to canter!”

5. “Head dangerously high.”

6. “Shame he was a bit saucy today!” — when the horse had spent the whole test looking like a giraffe and shouting his head off to his friend…

7. A comment about what a lovely young horse and how she’d be great as she got more experienced. She was 18 – the judge didn‘t realise she was blue roan, not a grey who was going to get lighter…

8. “Your horse looked like he would rather have had a showjump in the arena.”

9. “I’m glad he didn’t repeat what he did in the warm-up” — the rider was first in after a break and just before they went in got bucked off, which the judge had obviously seen.

10. “ *Stargazing* ” written in the comments (about the horse, not the rider) after the mare threw a particularly unelegant strop in the middle of a test and refused to bring her head down.

11. “A lively test, great choice of music however next time we don’t need to see the Moon Walk” — freestyle to a medley of Michael Jackson music. Horse decided to rein back after final halt…

12. “Lovely horse, calm and willing. Could use a little more OOOMPH.”

13. “Nice pony, has great sparkle – even without the bridle” — about a feisty mare that was done up to the nines in bling.

14. “Was spooky tonight – rather you than me!“ – a lovely coloured warmblood who spent the whole novice test in shoulder fore and also executed a stunning half pass (not required) when he caught glimpse of the fire exit sign…

15. “Nice test, but lose the chewing gum!”

16. “Oh you’ve got to love them!”

17. “Nice little horse in a horrible hurry.”

18. “I am sure a good test is just around the corner”

19. “Well rescued!”

20. “A very enthusiastic test, I’m sure he’ll settle with age” — said horse had just turned 21.

21. “The rider should salute; not the horse!”

22. “Nice plaits” — when this is written on your sheet, you can be sure that everything else was horrendous.

And finally…

Heard from the judge’s mouth – but not written down: “That horse sounds like a pig” as he snorted his way around the arena.

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news from major shows throughout 2025, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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Even if you’re not normally a sentimental person, it can be challenging to part ways with miscellaneous items you’ve collected throughout your life.

Objects you’ve picked up along the way can evoke certain emotions, and the same rings true for any bits and bobs you’ve acquired during your time as an equestrian.

Now, we’re not suggesting you’re a hoarder, but here are nine horsey things that you’ve probably struggled to get rid of in recent years, or might still have in your possession…

1. Rosettes you’ve won

At the beginning of a partnership with a horse, we proudly display every single rosette, irrespective of colour, around the house. As we advance up the placings with said horse, we decide to only showcase the winning prizes, banishing anything not red to a carrier bag under the stairs. Once this routine is completed over and over for several seasons in a row, or with different horses, we naturally end up with a shed-load of discarded ribbon. Even though the rosette or sash (if you’re lucky) is just an added bonus to a winning result, something just feels so wrong about throwing them out!

2. Past horses’ rugs

Even though the children gave up ponies over a decade ago, we can’t quite bring ourselves to get rid of the 4ft6 rug collection which has spent the past few years on a shelf in the tack room gathering dust — the memories are just too precious!

3. Membership cards from years ago

Call us paranoid, but we have a feeling that if we discard expired membership cards into the bin then said society is bound to ring up and demand proof of our affiliation. So we keep them neatly stacked in a drawer, just in case.

4. Riding gear that no longer fits

“One day I’ll get back into those jodhpurs’. We’ve been saying this for the past seven years, but then Easter, Christmas, family holiday, the weekend and the odd bad Wednesday happens and we’re even further away from slimming back into the elegant attire of our youth.

5. That one coat which is falling to bits

The waterproof has stopped working, the zip is partially hanging off (thanks to your horse’s front teeth) and the sleeve is full of holes. But there’s something about the way this coat keeps us toasty warm in the coldest of winters, and how the pockets perfectly hold all the necessities during a hack. It’s like it was made for us and we’re not quite ready to lay it to rest!

6. Tatty pieces of tack

A broken noseband from the 70s, half a pair of reins found at an event and a side-rein which was made for a Shetland pony. All items which feature in the spare tack box and could come in handy one day in the near future, right?

7. Bits, so many bits

In a similar vein, the over-flowing bit box contains some weird and wonderful contraptions we’ve picked up over the years, many of which we have no intention of ever using.

8. A tyre from the old horsebox

It seemed like a shame to throw out such a versatile object which could be used as a jump filler, or a water bucket holder, or at very least a doorstop. For now, it will remain abandoned in the corner of the yard…

9. Almost-empty containers

Spring cleaning can be seriously frustrating when the yard is littered with several nearly-finished bottles of spray and shampoo, or tubs of supplements. They’re so very nearly ready to go into the bin, but still contain at least one or two more uses.

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news from major shows throughout 2025, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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Stay in touch with all the news in the run-up to and throughout the major shows and events during 2026 and beyond with a Horse & Hound subscription. Subscribe today for all you need to know ahead of these major events, plus online reports on the action as it happens from our expert team of reporters and in-depth analysis in our special commemorative magazines. Have a subscription already? Set up your unlimited website access now

Take a look at our selection of the equestrian community’s April Fools’ Day pranks for 2025 to put a smile on your face…

1. John Whitaker aims for LA Olympics… in eventing

Our own (fake) news story ‘announced’ that showjumping legend John Whitaker is trying his hand at eventing with the aim of being selected in the discipline for the LA Olympics.

“It was a toss-up between dressage and eventing and I thought dressage wouldn’t be exciting enough,” said John. “Vaulting was also a possibility but I wasn’t keen on what they have to wear – I prefer a jacket and breeches.”

2. Floating hospitality offered by Badminton Horse Trials 

Well, the Badminton Lake is made for it really, isn’t it?! And actually, watching all the cross-country action from a smart yacht sounds quite nice…

The Badminton post read: “A small number of floating hospitality packages are available on cross country day where you can experience the horse trials whilst enjoying top class hospitality on the famous Badminton Lake.”

3. Zebras eligible to compete in all FEI disciplines

Not only did Flying Changes Bespoke Jackets & Tailcoats reveal zebras would now be permitted to compete across all FEI disciplines, but it also warned riders of the challenges and opportunities this would bring and highlighted that special bridles for zebras were being tested.

The post read: “A spokeswoman for the FEI, Avril Mirth, stated, ‘In today’s inclusive society, it is vital that no animal capable of being ridden should feel excluded’.”

4. A remote controlled centrally heated rug

Premier Equine “unveiled” its new Thermatech central heated rug, which can be controlled via an app on your phone.

“Powered by our exclusive ‘SmartWarm Technology’, this revolutionary rug features adjustable heat settings, a built-in thermostat, and even a remote control app for the ultimate experience,” read the post.

5. Rent-a-unicorn

I mean, who wouldn’t want to give this one a whirl?! Somerford Park Farm announced that it would be introducing unicorn rentals to take on its farm ride.

“Fairy dust trails: Leave a magical path wherever you go!

“Complimentary glitter helmets: Safety meets sparkle!

“Unicorn treats: Because every unicorn deserves a snack on the ride!”

6. Hickstead broadens its horizons… by opening a safari park

Billed as a “new safari park to rival Longleat”, Hickstead was already welcoming new animals into its new venture.

“Zoo Keeper Daisy Pallorof delivered the first load of animals and will be back later in the week with the hippos,” read the post.

7. Pizzas for ponies

Baileys Horse Feeds was thrilled to announce new products in the form of pony pizzas.

The menu included “Mare-gherita”, “Quattro Foraggi” and “Pepper-poni”, which were all available “via most UK delivery networks” and via the “ever-popular Baileys Ride Thru”.

8. Revolutionary veterinary medicine

Summerleaze Equine Vets revealed they were bringing “Tumerall AF” to the market – a miracle drug.

“It’s based on all natural ingredients with anti-inflammatory properties,” read their post. “Not only does it cure all lameness but it also prevents and eliminates all sarcoid growth!”

9. Turn your horse’s poo to gold 

Finally! A product that could actually mean that your horse earns you mega bucks!

Premier Performance launched Poo-Be-Gold Cookies, said to “quickly and effectively transform each passed faecal matter into 42ct SOLID GOLD within 30 minutes of leaving the anus. Watch the magic of poo into gold right before your eyes.”

10. Semen Drive-Thru (yes, you read that correctly)

Stallion AI Services always come up with the goods on April Fools’ Day, and this year is no different.

“Drive-thru breeding? Oh yes, it’s happening!

“Welcome to the world’s first Stallion Semen Drive-Thru! Pull up, order your stallion, and supersize your foal dreams!

“Stud King Express – home of The Foal-Filling Original drive-thru!

“You’d be McCrazy to miss this! Tag a breeder who’d love this service!”

We need a lie down after all of these….

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news from major shows throughout 2025, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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Stay in touch with all the news in the run-up to and throughout the major shows and events during 2026 and beyond with a Horse & Hound subscription. Subscribe today for all you need to know ahead of these major events, plus online reports on the action as it happens from our expert team of reporters and in-depth analysis in our special commemorative magazines. Have a subscription already? Set up your unlimited website access now

The majority of riders don’t have dreams of pursuing a career in the saddle. This means that a lot of us work in jobs away from the yard to fund our equestrian dreams.

Here are six things most riders who work full-time to finance their horses probably experience…

1. You live two completely different lives

You might be a horsey nut, who can tack up in 30 seconds and carry four hay nets at once while at the stables, but you’re all business when it comes to bringing home the bacon to pay for your four-legged friend. Your weekday nine-to-five is a world away from your weekends, which you either spend poo picking and mucking out or trekking up and down the country to compete at shows. And you always have at least two changes of clothes in your car, so you can transform from ultimate professional to yard scivy in under two minutes.

2. You’re known as the horsey one at work

We’ve been given nicknames since our school days, so it didn’t take long until you became referred to as “the horsey one” at your place of work. While your fellow colleagues’ desks are laden with family photos and children’s artwork, your desk is dedicated solely to your horse and is covered in professional photos (which take up a substantial amount of your salary) and rosettes. You drink tea out of a mug you got from Horse of the Year Show (HOYS) and you spend lunch breaks browsing the latest rug sales online.

3. You book the same days as holiday each year

You can let your boss know when you’ll be off as soon as the competition dates are released at the start of the year. You’ll pretty much need the same days off from May until September every single year and if you’re informed that there is a life or death meeting scheduled during championship week, you wish your colleagues well and look forward to hearing how it went when you get back…

4. Your pay packet never lasts long

Monthly salary in one day – livery, feed delivery, farrier’s bill, show entries and vets bills out the next…

5. You plan each hour of your day

Even if you consider yourself to be a disorganised person, if you own a horse and work, you’ve probably got your life a lot more together than you think. Your mornings and evenings are carefully coordinated to fit around your work shifts, as well as the light, so you can get a ride in before or after.

6. You sometimes wonder how the hell you afford a horse

As ignorance is definitely bliss, you don’t bother to work out how much you actually spend on your horse (it’s too scary), but somehow you manage to pay all your bills — both horsey and human — and you’ve survived another month as a (semi) successful working rider. Good job!

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news from major shows throughout 2025, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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Stay in touch with all the news in the run-up to and throughout the major shows and events during 2026 and beyond with a Horse & Hound subscription. Subscribe today for all you need to know ahead of these major events, plus online reports on the action as it happens from our expert team of reporters and in-depth analysis in our special commemorative magazines. Have a subscription already? Set up your unlimited website access now

Us Brits are sticklers for tradition, and nowhere is this more apparent than in the noble sport of equestrianism. Many of our traditions originated in the British army and on the hunting field, where it was (and is) considered a matter of respect to local landowners for the whole field to be immaculately turned out. But times have changed – should we be moving with them?

1. Plaiting manes to the right

If you’re the proud owner of a horse whose mane lies stubbornly to the left, trying to plait to the right is a giant pain in the nethers. Googling doesn’t reveal any context apart from ‘it was an evil practice invented in the 19th Century to torture grooms’, which sounds like it might be a teeny bit historically inaccurate. Although, strangely, also completely accurate!

2. Mounting from the left

(See also: dismounting to the left.) This is apparently because, in bygone days, cavalry soldiers carried their swords on their left sides, so had to mount from the left otherwise they’d risk impaling themselves. Very few of us carry swords when out riding these days, though. We don’t ride into battle much, either. So why do we still mount from the left? Who knows.

3. Hairnets

We willingly pull on these truly hideous items in order to look neat and tidy for competing (and reduce the risk of being scalped should we fall off and get our hair trodden on). Other athletes survive in their sports without having to wear a fishnet sock on their heads, but then they aren’t also dealing with half a tonne of animal with dinner plate-sized feet, so perhaps it’s better safe than sorry.

4. Brown tack for hunting and showing

Traditionally, black tack was used for driving harness. The tan used for British leather was brown, so that’s why riding tack was brown. And as the horsey world loves nothing more than tradition, that’s how it’s stayed.

5. Hunt horses not being plaited on Mondays

This used to be the hunt grooms’ day off – win!

6. Garter strap

These once had a functional use, to help stop breeches riding up the legs, but in our modern world of stretchy, practical fabrics, they’re basically anachronistic. They’re fiddly to get on, and you have to remember that it’s white garter straps with topped boots for the hunting season, and plain ones to match untopped boots when wearing ratcatcher… or is that the other way round? Argh! See what we mean?

7. Is it a stock or a tie? Who knows? Who cares?

Apparently it originated on the hunting field, like nearly all good horsey traditions, as a means of carrying a bandage around in case of injury. Nobody can say us equestrians aren’t practical.

8. White/beige/cream jodhpurs

Correct attire for nearly all competitive riding, they’re also the least practical items ever for wearing round horses, which have a tendency to moult and to wipe mud and green slobber all over you. Whoever invented this particular tradition either wasn’t very practical – or had shares in a detergent company, although the rules are starting to change now with darker coloured breeches permitted in some disciplines.

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news from major shows throughout 2025, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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Stay in touch with all the news in the run-up to and throughout the major shows and events during 2026 and beyond with a Horse & Hound subscription. Subscribe today for all you need to know ahead of these major events, plus online reports on the action as it happens from our expert team of reporters and in-depth analysis in our special commemorative magazines. Have a subscription already? Set up your unlimited website access now

A horsey mum or dad can be one of the greatest attributes in a top rider’s career. And even if you don’t aspire to ride at grand prix, storm round Badminton Horse Trials or be part of a Nations Cup showjumping team, it’s pretty likely your mum or dad is a vital part of your equestrian support team. Read on for just 13 of the hundreds of helpful things that all the best horsey parents do…

1. Get up at 6am to help you look after ponies every day before school for 15 years.

2. Drive hundreds of miles to take you to competitions, lessons, Pony Club rallies and out hunting.

3. Spend hours creating scary things you can jump when you have a spooky pony. Newly painted fillers each week, bathmats hung over poles and tarpaulins underneath jumps are all features of Mum’s/Dad’s Spooky Jump Workshop.

4. Video you and your pony every time you move for later review.

5. Remember all the things the instructor told you in that really useful lesson and remind you of them at the vital moment during a training session, just before a competition, or before you move off from the meet.

6. Risk life and limb putting showjumps up in busy collecting rings.

7. Choose a horse for her/himself which “can do a bit of eventing/dressage/jumping/showing/hunting with you too”.

8. Stand in windy, freezing sand schools for hours at a time watching you traipse in endless circles while telling you that you really are making progress.

9. Keep telling you that you really are making progress, even when all evidence is to the contrary.

10. Pour every spare (and not so spare) penny into your equestrian endeavours.

11. Send you useful links from Horse & Hound to help with your training.

12. Spend a lot of time bathing and plaiting ponies so you can be the best turned out rider at every outing.

13. If you’re really luckyy, they will continue to do all this even once you are long past your Pony Club days and are supposedly an independent grown-up.

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news from major shows throughout 2025, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

You may also be interested in:

5 reasons the parents of horsey kids deserve to be knighted

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Subscribe to Horse & Hound magazine today – and enjoy unlimited website access all year round

Stay in touch with all the news in the run-up to and throughout the major shows and events during 2026 and beyond with a Horse & Hound subscription. Subscribe today for all you need to know ahead of these major events, plus online reports on the action as it happens from our expert team of reporters and in-depth analysis in our special commemorative magazines. Have a subscription already? Set up your unlimited website access now

If you’re an equestrian who has been blessed with the “short” gene and don’t appear to have grown in height or width since your 11th birthday, it is quite possible that your mount of choice is a pony.

For the small riders out there, a pony can be much more appealing than a sizeable 16.2hh – and there is a the fact that your legs barely reach the bottom of the saddle flap on something over 15hh.

While most can see the positives of having a pint-sized companion – cheaper to run and equally as fun – there are somethings that adults on ponies can get a little fed up of hearing…

1. Don’t you want a proper horse?

Maybe not intended to be offensive, but you can be sure pony owners will take offence. Just because he lacks a little height does not mean we can’t do all the same events as you. Lets spread the love for all shapes and sizes.

2. Your pony is SO cute

Of course he’s cute, but he’s also an absolute machine across country and will hands down out-trot any other horse on the yard. He’s not just a pretty face.

3. And you look SO cute on him!

Jodhpur boots are so on trend right now.

4. Ponies are so much easier to keep than horses

Wrong! We all know that a pony’s brain works a lot faster than a horse’s. They are renowned for their cheeky and characterful natures. The probability that my ride is going to do a Houdini and escape from the field at an inconvenient time is a lot higher than yours. And let’s not get started on the stress of feeding him for the competition season when he puts on a gut just looking at a blade of grass.

5. It’s not fair, you get to compete against children

Have you seen how competitive those kids are? A lack of fear and no worry about adult responsibilities makes them formidable competitors, so don’t assume we’ve got an easy ride to those red rosettes.

6. It’s not fair, I wish I could ride a pony

It’s also not fair that I’m so short I can’t consider owing something over 14.2hh as I would look like a pea on a drum.

7. Do you share him with your son or daughter?

Nope. And please don’t assume I have a child just because I have a pony.

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news from major shows throughout 2025, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

You may also be interested in:

8 struggles only short riders will understand

Are you a petite rider? Experts give their top tips for success in the saddle

Riders across the disciplines are proving that size is no barrier when it comes to getting the most out of

Subscribe to Horse & Hound magazine today – and enjoy unlimited website access all year round

Stay in touch with all the news in the run-up to and throughout the major shows and events during 2026 and beyond with a Horse & Hound subscription. Subscribe today for all you need to know ahead of these major events, plus online reports on the action as it happens from our expert team of reporters and in-depth analysis in our special commemorative magazines. Have a subscription already? Set up your unlimited website access now

If you’re absolutely fed up with not being able to ride because it’s dark by the time you get back from work, then take heart — spring is just round the corner and there’s so much to look forward to...

1. Start of the competition season

Diaries at the ready as you start filling up your horsey calendar. This is going to be your year…

2. Competing outdoors

Indoor arenas are very useful in winter, but it’s so much nicer to be out in the open, maybe even with the grass under your hooves, enjoying the sun on your face as you and your horse do your thing.

3. Bridlepaths you can ride on, not slide on

Hurrah for lovely long gallops that don’t leave you completely splattered from head to toe in mud, and wishing you could just stick your horse in the washing machine and have done with it.

4. Spring grass

Say goodbye to those astronomical winter feeding bills as the spring grass kicks in and your horse’s paddock looks green and inviting once more.

5. Less mud

It would be pushing it to say there’ll be no mud. There will still be mud. We’re talking about spring in the UK, not California. But there will be less of it, and that’s good enough for us.

6. Riding after work

Once it’s no longer dark at 5.30pm, you can get so much more done — and by that, we mean evening riding, of course. Well, you didn’t think we were suggesting you take up tennis or something, did you?

7. Goodbye, woolly monsters

After shedding winter hair like confetti, your horse looks sleek and handsome again — instead of like a yeti. Although he made a pretty cute yeti, to be fair.

8. Naked horses

When half your horsey time in winter seems to be spent wrestling unpleasantly wet and muddy heavyweights on to rug driers, or trying to undo surcingles that have become so encrusted in mud that you can barely see them any more, it seems hard to imagine a time when you can turn your boy out without a rug. But that time will come. Have faith.

9. Losing the winter layers

No more layering on thermals, a fleece and a waterproof because you’re cold when you set out, then getting absolutely boiling hot halfway through your hack but having to sweat it out until you get home. Yuck.

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news from major shows throughout 2025, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

You may also be interested in:

9 things we’d forgotten about competing indoors (until now…)

No one's complaining that we can feed our competing addiction all year round — but there are a few things

Subscribe to Horse & Hound magazine today – and enjoy unlimited website access all year round

Stay in touch with all the news in the run-up to and throughout the major shows and events during 2026 and beyond with a Horse & Hound subscription. Subscribe today for all you need to know ahead of these major events, plus online reports on the action as it happens from our expert team of reporters and in-depth analysis in our special commemorative magazines. Have a subscription already? Set up your unlimited website access now

In a very literal sense, horses are influencers. If you own, share or regularly ride one, chances are they “influence” a lot of your choices and spending habits. In this digital age, though, “influencer” means something entirely different. Nowadays, you’re most likely to hear the term in reference to someone with a popular social media account, with regular posts and thousands of followers, likes and comments.

Influencers are practically inescapable if you have social media, and cover a wide range of lifestyles and topics, from parenting to tidying and travel to dog training. You might have made your horse an Instagram account at some point, but what would happen if he had the login details? Would he soon have a large following?

One thing’s certain: you don’t amass millions of likes overnight. Becoming a successful equestrian influencer takes time, a high content output and close adherence to the latest social media trends. If your horse wanted to quit his day job and become a full-time influencer he’d need to be entertaining, relatable and aspirational. Here’s how I think horse influencers would do it…

Step 1: #SocialMediaChallenge

The first thing your horse will need to do is go viral. Remember the ice bucket challenge that gripped social media globally back in 2014? If your horse could pull off a similar feat, it would kick-start his influencer campaign. I’m thinking something along the lines of #DestroyYourRug challenge, or #PooInYourWaterBucket – that way he’ll tap into the humour factor of annoying his owner.

To truly follow in the ice bucket challenge’s footsteps, your horse will need to pick a charity to support and encourage others participating to donate. Being an influencer isn’t just about being popular. Your horse needs to give back, too!

Step 2: Hop on a dance trend

Your horse needs to keep finding his way to social media feeds, so a viral dance trend is the way to go. Is it too late to jump on the Apple dance? Does he need to start his own routine? Don’t be surprised if he asks for help Googling songs with “horse” in them…

Step 3: Show some personality

Once the follow count starts to rack up, your horse needs to reveal a bit more of who he is. Influencers love making vlogs showing their day-to-day lives and habits, so the most feasible option would be a yard tour or a “get ready with me” video. He’ll need to get a good shot of the arena (the home working space) and your lorry (his private, chauffeur-driven transport) as well as show off all his latest must-haves, like his matching saddle cloth and fly veil and automatic water dispenser. Human influencers love to lug around huge bottles of water – perhaps hydration would be equally important for horse influencers?

Step 4: Call me chef

You’ve heard of the expression “eat like a horse”? Well, your horse has just uploaded his go-to super-balanced high-fibre recipe – aka, his bucket feed. Of course, his personal chef (you) prepared this one for him, and he’s reviewing each mouthful. “The calmer really comes through to balance with the notes of garlic granule…” etc.

Step 5: Unboxing deliveries and rug hauls

Taking yet another idea from the human world, your horse might have a few more packages arriving to unbox on camera. Supplements, stable toys, you name it! One shipment is a rug for every season, which feels a little ironic given his #DestroyYourRug challenge origins. He’s got sponsors now – and discount codes to pass on to followers!

Step 6: Prank show

It can sometimes feel like our horses are pranking us without even trying. Unfortunately, horse influencers do it for views and likes. Tipping wheelbarrows, refusing to be caught, doing that unnerving thing where he lies flat on his side and remains motionless even when you yell his name… all of it’s a real test of your body’s ability to handle adrenaline.

Step 7: Cancelled!

Just when you thought you were in this fame thing together! Your horse’s latest upload is calling for you, his owner, to be cancelled. On what charge? Swapping him from “cool and condition” mix to a more basic grass nut. Apparently this is somewhat akin to fat-shaming. That’s odd – you just thought it was spring!

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news from major shows throughout 2025, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

You may also be interested in:

9 common things riders say to their horses

Are you a tall rider? Here are 9 things that will sound familiar

‘I told my husband it was buy one, get one free!’ — and 7 other horsey confessions

Subscribe to Horse & Hound magazine today – and enjoy unlimited website access all year round

Stay in touch with all the news in the run-up to and throughout the major shows and events during 2026 and beyond with a Horse & Hound subscription. Subscribe today for all you need to know ahead of these major events, plus online reports on the action as it happens from our expert team of reporters and in-depth analysis in our special commemorative magazines. Have a subscription already? Set up your unlimited website access now

Whether we’re talking at them or to them, we’re constantly chatting to our horses when both in and out of the saddle.

Which one of these eight conversations have you had with your horse recently?

1. That you love him/her

Three words, eight letters. We probably don’t say it enough to our nearest and dearest but we say it at least 20 times per day to our horses. They’re just so lovable, and they need to know!

2. How much you hate your [insert person here]

Who needs therapy when you’ve got a quiet country lane and your horse to vent to. We’ve all spent our fair share of time crying into someone’s mane. We’ve all sat in the corner of a stable while a nuzzle gently brushes on your cheek. Trust us, horses are the key to a broken heart.

3. ‘My little *insert sickly pet name*’

Common pet names include the words angel, fluffy or cutie-pie.

4. ‘You little *insert swear word*’

Horse people are known for their colourful language and when your horse has pulled on your last nerve, it’s surprising how creative we can get with our curses. Just try not to bellow these expletives in front of your children or granny, though it’s likely they’ve heard them before…

5. Motivational quotes

They seem to work for most athletes so why wouldn’t your horse respond positively to some cheesy cliches about how winners never quit and quitters never win. It certainly can’t hurt.

6. The way round a dressage test/course of jumps

If you say it out loud, you can’t go wrong, right?

7. Asked for some life advice

Horses are the best listeners and sometimes just getting everything out helps you make a clearer decision. Plus, they can’t talk back or question you when you actually go through with said life change.

8. Questions they can’t respond to

These include things such as: what do you want to do today? Are you excited? Did you have a nice sleep?

9. Likes and dislikes

This is his favourite rug/treat/hacking route. He really, really doesn’t like plastic bags/going in front on a ride/green water buckets. It’s funny how we can articulate our horses’ preferences without them uttering a single word…

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news throughout major shows, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

You may also be interested in:

16 equestrian social media habits we’ve all indulged in

Always scrolling...

Horses v humans: when our best efforts go unnoticed

Subscribe to Horse & Hound magazine today – and enjoy unlimited website access all year round

Stay in touch with all the news in the run-up to and throughout the major shows and events during 2026 and beyond with a Horse & Hound subscription. Subscribe today for all you need to know ahead of these major events, plus online reports on the action as it happens from our expert team of reporters and in-depth analysis in our special commemorative magazines. Have a subscription already? Set up your unlimited website access now

Most people who ride horses have frequent riding lessons or training sessions with a riding instructor or coach. The teachers and trainers who take these sessions often have their own way of explaining things and, if they are a frequent trainer of the rider in question, can sometimes be pretty succinct (and often quite amusing) in their assessment of the overall picture between horse and rider. Here, we round up (anonymously) a few of our favourite things that our trainers have said over time (that are fit for publication)…

1. “I was once told to sing out loud during a lesson to encourage me to breathe — I nearly died of embarrassment”

2. “My mum is a riding teacher and has said many a time to a slightly hormonal pre-teen Pony Clubber:

Teacher: Do you want to do this?

Kid: Yeah

Teacher: Well tell your face that…”

3. “The last time I saw you it was a matter of survival; this time I think you’ve got an outside chance of riding a dressage test…”

4. “If that horse was as clever and brilliant as you seem to think she is, she would be writing for Horse & Hound and you would be living in a stable…”

5. “Stick your chest out!”

6. “If you don’t tell him to canter, he won’t canter”

7. “You’re gripping on like a monkey up a pole”

8. “That horse is a real family horse — he’s so long in the back, you could fit every member of your family on to him”

9. “Stop looking down! There isn’t any money down there”

10. “Shorten your reins — I could hang my washing on them”

11. “I once struggled to get a flying change so I threw myself to one side to try and get the message through. My trainer said: ‘Oh, sorry, I thought you were getting off…’”

12. “Are you riding a horse or a motorbike?”

13. “For goodness sake, breathe — I can’t teach a corpse!”

14. “If you don’t look where you’re going, you’ll never get there”

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news throughout major shows, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

You may also be interested in:

9 things your trainer says (and what they really mean)

Your trainer is a huge part of your team. You can rely on them to keep you and your horse

9 things you’re likely to hear a mother say to her son/daughter while competing

Here’s a round-up of commonly overheard phrases between mother and daughter/son (no matter how old they are) while out competing

Subscribe to Horse & Hound magazine today – and enjoy unlimited website access all year round

Stay in touch with all the news in the run-up to and throughout the major shows and events during 2026 and beyond with a Horse & Hound subscription. Subscribe today for all you need to know ahead of these major events, plus online reports on the action as it happens from our expert team of reporters and in-depth analysis in our special commemorative magazines. Have a subscription already? Set up your unlimited website access now

“New Year, new you,” you think optimistically as you skip down to the yard. It’s time for a fresh start. You’re going to put all those bad habits behind you, and with the help of a few horsey New Year’s resolutions, you and your horse will be like a well-oiled winning machine in 2025. Oh yeah! Except… it’s not quite as easy as that, is it? Here are a few resolutions that you might find trickier to keep than you think…

Popular horsey New Year’s resolutions

1. Stop treating your car like a mobile tack room

You’ve skipped the straw out of your boot (how did it get in there?), removed the long-lost jodhpur boot from under the passenger seat, and tracked down the source of the strange smell — although you don’t want to go into that here. Your car is, if not immaculate then certainly as clean as it’s been in a long while – and you intend to keep that way. And so you will — until you suddenly run out of hay and have to make an emergency trip to the feed merchant to wedge in as many bales as you can, or you’re running late after a muddy ride, and lob your filthy boots and chaps into the back of the car. And so it begins….

2. Clean your tack every time you ride

Or shall we make that weekly? OK, monthly. Let’s be realistic here.

3. Try some new hacking routes

What a lovely idea! Until you get lost, find yourself having to get off 15 times to open gates, or being chased through a field by some irate llamas, and remember why, exactly, you always stick to your tried-and-trusted routes.

4. Stop blowing all your wages in online horsey emporiums

Guilty of whiling away time at work — ahem, your precious break time — browsing horsey websites? Us too. And you know how it is, without really registering what you’re doing, you’ve added a new jacket, or yet another set of brushing boots in a really funky shade of blue, to your basket. And checked out, and paid for them. Just think how much more healthy your bank balance will be when you beat this addiction! You can do it… until you see the new range of matching saddlecloths and bandages, or those gorgeous competition breeches, at your favourite online store. Nobody can resist this amount of temptation. Blame the Devil when you succumb.

5. Join a gym to improve your rider fitness

You put so much effort into keeping your horse fit, your own fitness goes by the wayside. You know you could improve your riding by getting stronger and more flexible… Only problem with that is, if you’ve only got one precious hour to exercise, what are you going to do, head to the gym — or ride? Go figure!

6. Give up wine/smoking/chocolate so you can afford a new saddle

Ha ha ha! Good luck with that!

● Will you be setting any horsey New Year resolutions for 2025? Did you manage to stick to this year’s? Let us know at hhletters@futurenet.com, including your name, nearest town and county, for the chance to be published in a future edition of Horse & Hound magazine

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news throughout major shows, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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Time to roll up your sleeves – jobs you need to do during January

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Subscribe to Horse & Hound magazine today – and enjoy unlimited website access all year round

Stay in touch with all the news in the run-up to and throughout the major shows and events during 2026 and beyond with a Horse & Hound subscription. Subscribe today for all you need to know ahead of these major events, plus online reports on the action as it happens from our expert team of reporters and in-depth analysis in our special commemorative magazines. Have a subscription already? Set up your unlimited website access now

A house fire, debilitating back injury, dodgy cooking and a flooded sitting room — several riders reveal the strife they’ve had to contend with on Christmas day

1. “The Christmas tree was under water”

Five-star event rider Gemma Stevens (née Tattersall) (pictured) recalls one unfortunate Christmas Day during her teens when her family’s home was flooded.

“The Christmas tree was in the sitting room under several inches of water and we spent ages sweeping it out,” she says.

The family spent the rest of the festive season in the study, surrounded by five puppies who were born on Christmas day.

“It was certainly a memorable Christmas, but while I found it amusing I don’t think the grown-ups did.”

2. “The house was ruined”

Six-time Olympian Mary King was awoken by crackling fire during the night of 23 December 2001.

“My children, Emily and Freddie, were only young so my first reaction was to get to them and try to escape,” says Mary. “They found it particularly exciting watching ‘Fireman Sam’ at work but the house was ruined.”

The Kings stayed with family for Christmas.

“Luckily I’d put the presents under the tree and they weren’t damaged, but both children were very worried that Santa wouldn’t deliver their presents because he didn’t know where to find them. We left a note on the front door to say where we were staying and, amazingly, he found us!”

3. “I’ve said ever since I can’t muck out”

With his staff on holiday, dressage rider and trainer Andrew Gould was left with 25 horses to muck out before tucking into his turkey lunch. But with just one stable cleaned disaster struck.

“Andrew’s back went into spasm leaving me with 24 horses to muck out,” recalls his wife Polly. “He was in agony and several clients who came to see their horses were surprised to find him flat out on the tack room floor.”

Andrew adds: “It’s why I’ve said ever since that I can’t muck out.”

4. “The turkey was upside down”

Eventer Andrew James recalls the time his grandmother, who didn’t usually cook, was inspired by TV chefs to make Christmas lunch.

Andrew’s father then carried out his annual carving ritual, but only a small amount of meat made it on to plates.

“It transpired that my grandmother had cooked the turkey upside down so that the breast meat didn’t dry out, but she forgot to tell anyone and it was still upside down when she passed it to Dad to carve. There was plenty of prime white meat left for days afterwards.”

5. “The staff didn’t turn up”

In the days when she was married to national hunt jockey Anthony Webber, showing star Jayne Ross found herself serving a tiny Christmas lunch — “basically a sprout on a plate, as he needed to make the weight for racing on Boxing Day,” she says.

“I’ve had some interesting Christmas Days over the years, the most difficult being when the staff didn’t turn up to work and I was left with all of the horses to do. My parents helped — neither are horsey, but they survived!”

6. “I was locked in the tack room”

Chinese Olympian Alex Hua Tian remembers getting locked in the tack room during a frosty December day.

“I was making feeds when a gust of wind blew the door shut. I wasn’t impressed as it only opens from the outside,” says Alex. “It felt like I was trapped in there for ages. I think the wind made my shouts harder to hear — it was pretty chilly.”

7. “She thought I was being ungrateful”

Event organiser Alec Lochore became unpopular one Christmas morning when, having planned to propose to his now wife, Emily, he hid the engagement ring at the bottom of her stocking.

“She was getting upset because I was rushing through my own presents and ripping them open without giving them much thought,” says Alec. “Emily didn’t think I was being grateful, but in fact I wanted her to get on with it and find the ring.”

8. “I decided to clip on Christmas Eve”

Jo May, who evented up to CCI5* with Faere Vision, found herself in her family’s bad books when she chose to clip her horses late on Christmas Eve.

“I got told off because thoughts were that I should have been inside with the family or at the pub, but there was no stopping me,” recalls Jo.

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news throughout major shows, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

You may also be interested in:

Getting ready takes forever — and 7 other things you’d forgotten about winter riding

Subscribe to Horse & Hound magazine today – and enjoy unlimited website access all year round

Stay in touch with all the news in the run-up to and throughout the major shows and events during 2026 and beyond with a Horse & Hound subscription. Subscribe today for all you need to know ahead of these major events, plus online reports on the action as it happens from our expert team of reporters and in-depth analysis in our special commemorative magazines. Have a subscription already? Set up your unlimited website access now

Christmas – a time for goodwill and festive cheer. A time for us to reflect – oh and buy presents for our four-legged equine friends (we promise the presents are for them and definitely not ourselves…).

So to celebrate this time of year, please join us in this Christmas carol that will most likely resonate with many…

Oh come, all ye faithful (equestrians)

O come, all ye riders, bankrupt but triumphant,

O come ye, o come ye to the tack shop

Come and behold it, corn the king of horse feeds!

O come, let us adore it,

O come let us adore it,

O come let us adore this delight of stock!

Saddles of Stubben, bridlewear of Fairfax,

LeMieux matchy-matchy of the highest accord

Knee-length socks, not forgotten nor outdated

O come, let us adore it,

O come let us adore it,

O come let us adore this delight of stock!

Spend, groups of riders, spend in exultation

Spend, all ye citizens of livery yards

Glory to grooming kits, glory of the highest

O come, let us adore it,

O come let us adore it,

O come let us adore this delight of stock!

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news throughout major shows, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

You may also be interested in:

Subscribe to Horse & Hound magazine today – and enjoy unlimited website access all year round

Stay in touch with all the news in the run-up to and throughout the major shows and events during 2026 and beyond with a Horse & Hound subscription. Subscribe today for all you need to know ahead of these major events, plus online reports on the action as it happens from our expert team of reporters and in-depth analysis in our special commemorative magazines. Have a subscription already? Set up your unlimited website access now

Surviving Christmas with a horsey partner isn’t easy, but forewarned is forearmed so bear these tips in mind and your festive period with your horsey other half should go swimmingly.

1. Never complain

Whether you like horses or not, they are number one in your partner’s life and always will be. You signed an unwritten agreement the moment you embarked on the relationship and complaining about your partner doing the horses on Christmas Day will only lose you brownie points (and potentially presents). So don’t even bother.

2. Man up and put up

Regardless of whether you want to stay snuggled up on the sofa in front of the fire watching festive films and eating an abundance of chocolate on Christmas Day, your partner will at some point have to visit the horse to turn out/muck out/put him to bed, and let’s face facts — you will be dragged out in the cold to help. Trying to avoid it will only ruin the day for everyone.

3. Your partner WILL spend more on their horse than you

It’s a fact. It doesn’t mean they love you less, but their horse NEEDS things, and they usually cost a small fortune.

4. Get a horsey present

Want to earn major Christmas brownie points? Buy your horsey partner a great horse-related gift. Equestrians love nothing more than a photo of themselves with their beloved equine. And while practical presents related to the home (think pots, pans, hoover, iron etc) may get you the cold shoulder at best, the same does not typically apply to practical horse gifts – believe it or not a wheelbarrow could earn you brownie points galore. Check out these last-minute horsey gift ideas.

5. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em

Learn to ride and get yourself a horse for Christmas. That way you’ll never feel left out, and you will see your partner way more. Win win.

6. Appearance isn’t everything

While it’s Christmas Day, it’s still a normal day when it comes to doing the horse, so don’t expect too much in the way of fancy clothes, clean fingernails and tidy hair. A Christmas jumper adorning the odd bit of straw and whiffing of horse is par for the course.

7. Gift expectations

Don’t be surprised if you end up with a pair of wellies and a waterproof coat for Christmas – see point above about practical presents. You’ll need to be appropriately dressed if you’re to help out at the impending horsey events (which if you decide to hang around, you will).

8. Deck the halls

While our horse’s stable will be fastidiously tidy, adorning the most festive of Christmas decorations, probably hand made from foraged items while out hacking, and their feed lovingly prepared using a variety of ridiculously priced mixes and supplements, don’t expect the same at home. If you’re lucky there will be a Christmas tree up and didn’t you say you were cooking Christmas lunch this year?

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news throughout major shows in 2025, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

You may also be interested in:

Horsey gifts for the person who has everything

59 great gifts for the horse obsessed

Subscribe to Horse & Hound magazine today – and enjoy unlimited website access all year round

Stay in touch with all the news in the run-up to and throughout the major shows and events during 2026 and beyond with a Horse & Hound subscription. Subscribe today for all you need to know ahead of these major events, plus online reports on the action as it happens from our expert team of reporters and in-depth analysis in our special commemorative magazines. Have a subscription already? Set up your unlimited website access now

It’s never too late to start – but learning to ride a horse as an adult rather than as a child does give you a different perspective on the whole malarkey. Do any of these sound familiar…?

1. Cantering for the first time is better than getting a promotion at work (and just as daunting). The thrill of whizzing about on a horse is pretty much the same whether you’re a child or an adult, it’s just that adults are a bit more bothered about falling off.

2. Horsey shopping is a dangerous pastime when you’ve got a grown-up credit card with a grown-up credit limit. Did those expensive riding boots just fall into my online shopping basket – how did that happen? And now I’ve paid for them. Oops!

3. You feel like a teenager all over again. Being shouted at by riding instructors, coveting your first pony, checking with your newsagents every other day whether the latest Horse & Hound has arrived yet, like you used to do with Jackie – you’re 40 going on 15.

4. Parenthood doesn’t prepare you for your first horse. Sure, you know how to put a nappy on a wriggly baby, but how on earth do you use one to poultice a horse’s foot? Your baby just wails when he’s tired and fed-up – why can’t your horse do that, instead of bucking you off into a ditch? To be fair, though, you do end up cleaning up roughly the same amount of poo. Top tip – you definitely don’t need to burp your horse after he’s eaten.

5. It’s pretty humiliating being beaten in a walk/trot dressage test by an 11-year old on a Shetland. She did ride better than you, though, so fair play to her.

6. Falling off is scary. It happens to the best of riders, but while those people who’ve been riding for yonks take it in their stride, it can be, well, terrifying when it happens to you for the first time. B-b-but you could break something! And then who’d do the school run every morning? Take a deep breath – you’ll be fine.

7. However high-powered and efficient you are at work counts for nothing when you’re trying to master leg-yield in trot. For heaven’s sake, you’ve got an MA, PhD and once persuaded your line manager to organise a work jolly to Euro Disney – why on earth can’t you convince your horse to step sideways?

8. It can be demoralising when it feels like everyone’s a better rider than you. There’s no substitute for saddle time – and some of these people have had about 30 years more of it than you.

9. But there’s no better buzz than hacking out on a beautiful day, or successfully jumping a clear round at your local show – or hugging your horse at the end of it. You are officially a horse person now – welcome to this wonderful world.

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news throughout major shows such as London International and more, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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Stay in touch with all the news in the run-up to and throughout the major shows and events during 2026 and beyond with a Horse & Hound subscription. Subscribe today for all you need to know ahead of these major events, plus online reports on the action as it happens from our expert team of reporters and in-depth analysis in our special commemorative magazines. Have a subscription already? Set up your unlimited website access now

However long you’ve been involved with horses, there are some inevitable firsts that you can only experience as a horse owner or rider…

1. The first time your horse smacks you in the face as you’re hanging his haynet.

2. The first time you wear your beautiful and very expensive Italian breeches and find the smear of green slobber down the back them.

3. The first time you realise that your horse has been a little too quiet for an hour or so and walk into his box to find him standing beside a chewed/stomped-on/poo-smeared rug.

4. The first time your horse decides to help you with mucking out/poo-picking and tips over your full to the brim wheelbarrow.

5. The first time you find yourself sitting alone in a freezing cold barn at 2am, praying to every God you’ve ever heard of that you’ll still have a horse in the morning.

6. The first time you walk two miles across field and dale in full hunting kit, trying to muster as much dignity as you can and retrieve the delightful creature that dumped you at the last hedge before careering off into the distance.

7. The first time your ridiculously gangly baby horse, who has spent six months struggling to coordinate all four legs, picks up the correct canter lead twice in a row.

8. The first time you discover your horse lying down having a snooze in his box or in the field and go and join him for some chill time.

9. The first time the sun comes out, the rugs come off, the mud disappears, your horse is sleek and shiny and you think, ‘Oh yes – THIS is why I do it!’

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news throughout major shows such as London International and more, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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14 things your horse does when you’re running late

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When we asked you for your horsey confessions, we were inundated with your stories — from (unbelievably) cheap farriers and unwise boyfriends to ‘bargain’ horses. The perpetrators shall remain anonymous for their own safety (OK, so they can continue their deceptions without being caught out...)

1. A (literally unbelievably) cheap farrier is hard to find

“I had a phone call from my husband while I was waiting for a friend’s pony to jump at Horse of the Year Show. He’d told the lady in the bank to get in touch with me for my farrier’s number as, ‘She pays £90 for her horse to be shod and you only pay £18!’ Apparently, when he’d asked me some time ago how much shoeing was, he’d somehow misheard me when I said £80…”

2. Priorities are important

“I’ve left a job because they wouldn’t give me time off to attend a competition. My husband knew he came second place to the horse — why on earth would an employer expect higher priority status?”

3. Who says horses cost a fortune in kit?

“Everything I own, from ponies to rugs to my own yard boots were all bought ‘in the sales!’ Thankfully my husband never comes up to the yard but both of my storage rooms are packed to the rafters with stuff. I blame it on my girls, I have three that ride so they all want different things for their ponies. My biggest fear is that when I die, my husband sells it all for the price I told him I paid for it!”

4. Some promises just can’t be kept

“I promised I would stop at three. I have four!”

5. Honesty in a relationship is over-rated (as is the ability to recognise your OH)

“People ask: ‘How many horses do you own?’ My reply is: ‘Are you my husband?’”

6. Wise men know never to do this

“I had a boyfriend that asked me to choose between him and the horse. The fact he even stupidly asked was enough and I told him to pack his bag and leave. I had 13 beautiful years with my main man (my horse) before he sadly went to horsey heaven.”

7. £40 is the magic number

“I told my OH every time I bought some matchy matchy gear that it cost £40. He then bought me a set I really wanted and queried why it was over £100. I told him it was limited edition so more expensive!”

8. A bargain!

“I went to a dealer’s yard for a kid’s pony that I saw advertised and came away with the intended pony — plus a youngster for me! I told my husband it was buy one, get one free!”

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news throughout major shows such as London International and more, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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As we all know, the British winter weather can be capricious – tipping down with rain one day, blustery snow the next, not to mention some gale force winds, just to spice things up a bit. But there’s something deeply satisfying about braving the elements to take your horse out. And you never know, you might even get a bit of sunshine.

Chances are you’ll experience all or most of the following though…

1. The world has turned to mud

Your usually leafy green bridlepaths now resemble the banks of the river Nile during flood season. All they need is a few wallowing hippos. Your horse is a dead ringer for one anyway by the time you’ve returned to the yard, with legs and belly dripping with the brown stuff.

2. Where can you go for a good blast?

The tracks have been too hard to canter on all summer, now they’re too slippery and slushy – that or they’ve turned to icy rock. You can’t win!

3. Your feet are cold. So cold.

You’re wearing three pairs of welly socks and you still can’t feel your toes. You’re pretty sure this means you’ve got actual frostbite. Eek.

4. You can’t find your gloves

You’re sure you left your favourite pair of winter riding gloves in your coat pocket, but there’s only one in there now. And another in your tack box but – weirdly – it’s the same hand. Why does this always happen? It’s freaky.

5. There are horse-killing pheasants everywhere

Forget cascading red leaves and crisp frosty days, you really know it’s autumn/winter when the roads are covered with squashed pheasant carcasses, or the live versions are exploding out of the hedges or grass just inches in front of you. Your horse is convinced they’re out to get him, and you can understand why, as you slip an extra finger inside your neckstrap.

6. Getting ready takes forever

By the time you and your trusty steed are wrapped up and ready to go, in brushing boots, over-reach boots, exercise sheet, and high-vis on every available surface (and that’s just your horse), it’s pretty much time to untack and head home.

7. What – it’s dark already?

Like, how is 3.30pm an acceptable time for dusk to draw in? You’ve barely finished lunch! But leave it any later, and you’ll be trying to navigate your way home by the light of the moon.

8. But it’s really gorgeous out there!

No, seriously. On a perfect winter’s day, when everything seems brighter and crisper than usual, and it’s you and your horse – maybe some mates as well – making your way across a frosty landscape, you could actually imagine someone taking your photo and using it as a Christmas card.

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news throughout London International and more, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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There are definitely some classic excuses that only an equestrian could get away with using.

Have you ever said any of these six excuses — which only make sense coming from a horsey person’s mouth — when trying to get out of something?

1. “I’m covered in poo” (or mud or haylage)

Out of context this would sound like a very strange excuse, unless you have a very young child, but equestrians are all too familiar with the lashings of dirt and muck that gather on your clothes and under your nails after spending time at the stables. Horsey people can’t simply leave the yard and head straight to brunch — they need to nip home and remove the eau de horse first. Your friends might be annoyed that you’re a little late, but in the long run they’ll be grateful you didn’t rock up in your pungent jodphurs and T-shirt…

2. “I’m competing tomorrow”

While your non-horsey friends have hobbies of their own, most of them will participate for fun, unlike you who has their eye on the prize and spends most weekends cantering round a field or arena in pursuit of a piece of ribbon. They find it fascinating that you actually compete in competitions and seem to think this means you’re en-route to the next Olympics. Just don’t tell them that you were the only one in your class when they ask how you got on…

3. “My horse needs feed/water”

No one can deny your horse the basic need of food and water, even if you secretly know that all he really wants is a carrot and a cuddle, and you will oblige as he’s incredibly spoilt.

4. “I fell off yesterday”

To your friends the thought of falling off your 16.2hh horse at pace sounds terrifying, so they’ll definitely understand why you have to pass on this evening’s gathering. They might even send epsom salts, chocolate and wine. Maybe just leave out the fact that your fall wasn’t actually from your horse, but happened when you tripped over the mounting block while trying to get on…

5. “I need to save my money as he needs new shoes”

People know horses are expensive, though they might be left scratching their heads when you mention a horse wearing shoes.

6. “I have to muck out, again”

In the eyes of your friends and family, all you seem to do is muck out. And come to think of it, it really is what you spend most of your time doing!

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news throughout London International and more, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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Does your horse ever look at you as if you’re asking him the most absurd questions? If the answer is yes, you’re not alone. We think our equine companions are baffled by our behaviour on a daily basis.

With this in mind, here are 11 of the many reasons why your horse thinks your crazy:

1. You carefully mix his feed in a feed bowl, but he’d much rather eat off the floor.

2. You bring strange small four-legged creatures to the yard on leads from time-to-time. They have a loud, harsh neigh, pointy teeth and no mane.

3. Rather than moving nasty, shock-inducing fencing into long grass we insist on bringing it closer to the short stuff.

4. You spend hundreds of pounds a year getting your horse’s feet shod to perfection, yet your own nails look far less shiny and well shaped.

5. You put them in bizarre contraptions that cover their faces during the summer. These masks leave them resembling aliens and fake forelocks practically reach the end of their noses.

6. You are annoyed when your horse comes in from the field minus one of the expensive shoes you put on his feet, yet you pay the farrier to take them off every few weeks anyway.

7. You’re even more furious when they try to protect you from the horse-eating monsters that live inside flapping carrier bags on the side of the road.

8. You wonder why, after hours of plaiting and washing, your horse doesn’t want to walk into a windowless box that’s raised from the ground.

9. You run round the arena while studying a small piece of paper pretending to trot and canter and even stop occasionally to salute and walk on a long rein.

10. You insist on putting frilly, spooky badges on their faces when they do well.

11. You’re obsessed with his poo — you carry it around in wheelbarrows and skips, expertly mould it into the perfect giant heap and take it away in a special cart and then spread it on your garden.

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news throughout London International and more, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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OK, so we’ve only limited sympathy for the more Amazonian amongst us, who can hop onto a 17hh horse as easily as stepping on a mounting block, and always look the part in long riding boots. But, we concede, they do have a few problems of their own to contend with…

1. If you ride short you run the risk of kneeing yourself in the chin — well, nearly. Your knees are so far forward that they are hanging over the front of the knee rolls, which neatly leads us to…

2. Say hello to expensive custom-made saddles that actually fit you and your horse. Off-the-peg saddles just don’t seem to do both. And while you’re saying hello, say goodbye to what’s left of your bank balance — for the next year while you pay that off…

3. Even on a 16hh, you look like a child that’s massively outgrown his or her first pony.

4. Only on a horse 17hh or above do you actually look normal. Well, from a distance. Up close, you’re clearly very tall and are riding a huge mystical beast.

5. Feeding the huge mystical beast gets expensive, too. Turns out huge mystical beasts eat a lot of hay. An awful lot.

6. Everyone expects you to jump big, on your big horse, no matter how many times you point out that the scale of the jumps has nothing to do with your desire or ability to jump them. And that you prefer dressage anyway.

7. You’re always being asked to get the saddles down from the upper saddle racks. Having Mr Tickle arms is both a blessing and a curse.

8. On hacks, your short friends on their small horses can ride merrily under low-hanging branches and canter through overgrown woods. If you try that, you’re likely to find yourself hanging from a branch — or out cold.

9. Women’s clothes are not always designed for the more Amazonian physique. Breeches, jacket sleeves, boots — they’re often just that bit too short. Either it’s bespoke tailoring all the way or you find yourself venturing into the men’s department – either way it means paying over the odds for everything. No cheap ‘n’ cheerful breeches bought in the sale for you sadly.

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news throughout London International and more, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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Ever find yourself wondering how your horse manages to find the muddiest spot straight after a bath? Discover what else baffles us equestrians…

1. Why it seems almost impossible to wake up in time for work but you jump out of bed on the morning of a show.

2. Why our non-horsey friends don’t share the view that every park/golf course/large garden could be improved with the addition of a few cross-country fences.

3. That despite loving the smell of your favourite horse, not everyone shares the same appreciation in the office.

4. How anyone can keep perfect nail varnish for more than a couple of minutes. After mucking out and grooming all hopes of neat nails are gone – we prefer the chipped look anyway.

5. That poo picking is not a normal pastime.

6. How equestrian clothes have suddenly become a fashion statement. Since when was it trendy to wear jodhpur boots?

7. How much money you spend on ‘essentials’ for your horse – show bridles, massage pads and that extra rug just in case – when you haven’t had your hair cut in a couple of years.

8. Why non-horsey friends aren’t excited about Burghley.

9. How your horse manages to find the muddiest spot in the field straight after a bath.

10. Why non-horsey people cannot understand the difference between a pony and a horse (no, a pony is not a baby horse).

11. That describing someone with a limp as ‘lame’ is not acceptable. Likewise referring to someone who is overweight as a ‘good doer’ is not ok.

12. How your horse can tell when you have switched off an electric fence so they can sneak into a grassier paddock.

13. How anyone could think it is strange to talk to horses.

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news throughout London International and more, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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Stay in touch with all the news in the run-up to and throughout the major shows and events during 2026 and beyond with a Horse & Hound subscription. Subscribe today for all you need to know ahead of these major events, plus online reports on the action as it happens from our expert team of reporters and in-depth analysis in our special commemorative magazines. Have a subscription already? Set up your unlimited website access now

From constantly being covered in grey hair, battling with stable stains and spending hours washing and rewashing the same section of coat – if you’ve ever owned, ridden or cared for a grey horse, you will be able to relate to many of the following…

1. Being congratulated on the lovely skewbald in your field and wondering what that person is talking about.

2. Having to get up at 5am to re-wash the horse you already washed at least three times the night before with a variety of shampoos.

3. Said grey horse refusing to stand still while you do it – cue you ending up wetter than they are.

4. Understanding that it’s all or nothing, as washing one dirty patch results in horrible yellow streaks.

5. Standing head to head in the field gateway and asking him, in your sweetest voice, not to roll in the muddiest patch when you let him go – and watching as he does exactly that.

6. Stable stains are the bane of your life. In fact, you argue that the term stable stain is inadequate because normally at least 75% of your horse is the wrong colour.

7. Removing a stable rug to reveal a brown tummy. Every single day.

8. Laughing when someone recommends a head and neck cover, bandages, and a rug with belly and tail flaps, because you know it’s really not that simple.

9. Yellow tails. Enough said.

10. Recycling old pairs of tights and using several to protect said tail after hours of washing.

11. Fully supporting the idea that hacking out a semi-clean horse is acceptable.

12. Wondering why your horse can’t lie on his left side, so that traffic only sees his clean half.

13. Chalk is your best friend…

14 …But the sun isn’t. Copious amounts of sun cream just won’t cut it on pink-skinned greys.

15. Molasses gives you nightmares – greys and dark liquids do not mix.

16. Wondering what that persistent black stain is on either side of your horse’s tail. Then spying suspicious grey hairs on the field gate.

17. Waiting to put on your riding jacket until the very last second for fear of it being covered in grey hairs. They get everywhere.

18. Admiring all the black, bay and chestnut horses in your class and thinking how easy their riders’ lives must be.

19. Getting cross when your friend complains about the single white sock they have to clean. Ha!

20. Arguing until you’re blue in the face that grey is the most beautiful colour, and then realising your filthy grey beast can’t back up that statement right now.

21. When everyone else has finished prepping their horses for the following day’s event with the flick of a brush, you haven’t even finished scrubbing one side of your grey’s neck.

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news throughout London International and more, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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There’s something really special about horsey mothers and daughters. After all, what could be more wonderful than sharing your beloved sport with your equally beloved parent/offspring?

Whether you’re hacking partners, hunt together or have a mother-daughter share, there are so many opportunities to bond over cosy chats about their latest crush, why teens fancy that latest TikTok star, and all that kind of stuff. Right? Hmm, that appears to be something of a deafening silence. Perhaps it’s for one of the following reasons…

1. It’s Saturday morning, and you leap out of bed, bright and early. “Come on darling, let’s muck out and then exercise the horses,” you trill gaily. Strangely, though, your teenage daughter does not wish to be disturbed. This may be something to do with her crashing in at 2am, waking up the entire household in the process. Of course, you’re not one to hold grudges, so this has absolutely no bearing on your decision to bustle into her room at 6am, turn on all the lights, and threaten to stick a wet flannel on her if she doesn’t get her breeches on and into the car this minute. It’s for her own good. There’s nothing like a good ride to sort a hangover out!

2. Or as you grimly muck out two horses for the fifth morning in a row, because your daughter’s school bus leaves at some unearthly hour in the morning and there’s no chance of getting to the yard before then, you may wonder why you gave into that whole “please can I have a pony, please, Mum, please, I promise I’ll look after it” malarkey….

3. And that’s before she’s left for university. Now you have two horses to look after and exercise for the next three years. Good luck!

4. From a teenager’s perspective… It’s somewhat annoying when you’re boasting to your mates about jumping 1.10m, and one of your friends points out that your mum jumped the same class as you. And won it.

5. So you’re booked in to do a showjumping clinic, only to find that your mum has booked herself in to a sponsored ride the same day. You only have one lorry — and possibly only one horse between you. So what do you do? You could try paper-scissors-stone to see who gets the horse but don’t trust your mum to play fair. She always cheats — and if she loses, she’ll end up pulling rank anyway because she’s the only one who can drive the damn lorry. It’s so UNFAIR!

6. And she’s always there, isn’t she? You just need a bit of time to yourself, but there she is, covered in hay and waving a dandy brush about, banging on about cleaning tack or something equally irritating. (This could apply to either mother or daughter. You choose!)

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news throughout London International and more, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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Here’s a round-up of commonly overheard phrases between mother and daughter/son (no matter how old they are) while out competing

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Stay in touch with all the news in the run-up to and throughout the major shows and events during 2026 and beyond with a Horse & Hound subscription. Subscribe today for all you need to know ahead of these major events, plus online reports on the action as it happens from our expert team of reporters and in-depth analysis in our special commemorative magazines. Have a subscription already? Set up your unlimited website access now

What’s the most annoying things your non-horsey friends say to you? We think we’ve got some of the most common ones right here...

1. Dancing horses

Who is responsible for planting the seed of the dancing horses? Will we ever be able to utter the word dressage without prompting the response: “Ah, I know. The dancing horses.”

2. Lesson confusion

“Why do you need lessons? Don’t you know how to ride by now?”

3. It’s a small world. But not that small…

“I have a friend who’s really into horses — perhaps you know her…”

4. Just “riding” will do

The prefix “horseback” should be banned, and horse riding isn’t necessary either.

5. The question of fitness

“Riding as fitness? Really? Doesn’t the horse just do all the work?” It’s a wonder how there are three equestrian Olympic sports…

6. Every equestrian sport is not a race

“Who do you think is going to win this race?” — as you set off for Badminton.

7. Similarly, not all riders are jockeys

Lottie Fry doesn’t have her heart set on riding in the Grand National.

8. A pony is not a baby horse

“What a sweet pony. How big will it be when it’s a horse?” It will never be a horse.

9. Telepathic schooling

“Can’t your horse learn how to do that by just watching another horse do it?”

10. For the record, clipping isn’t cruel

Clipping isn’t called shaving — and it’s not cruel to do it in the winter.

11. Zara Tindall is not a showjumper

If an Olympic medal doesn’t do it, we’re not sure that people will ever get their heads around Zara being an eventer — not a showjumper, dressage rider, jockey (delete as appropriate).

12. It’s unlikely we’ll be competing at Burghley anytime soon

“So you’re off to Burghley this weekend? Are you competing?” Sadly not.

13. And finally: if we hear about Notting Hill one more time…

Stranger: “So you work for Horse & Hound?”

Us: “Yes, that’s right.”

Stranger: “Oh, like Horse & Hound in Notting Hill? I’ll never forget that bit where Hugh Grant…”

Us: *polite laugh*

Stranger: “Do people always say that to you?”

Us: “Yes. Yes they do.”

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news throughout London International and more, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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Do any of the following ring a bell? Or do you have other traits that set you apart from those who have not yet been bitten by the horse bug?

1. You are never without minor bruises you can’t precisely explain — most probably the work of barn door hinges, wheelbarrow handles and pitchforks.

2. You can only assume that when others talk about “spare income” they’re referring to their “equestrian kit/shows budget”.

3. You’ve been known to use Kaolin as a facemask, and Mane n Tail in lieu of conditioner, while vetwrap is better for securing dressings than any human bandage you’ve ever tried.

4. You’re yet to see a physio about your sciatica and back pain. Your horse, however, has monthly visits from his.

5. You have a dustpan and brush for your horse’s stable, but none in the house.

6. At least one of your limbs is set slightly funny — a subtle reminder of a childhood fall (which absolutely was not the pony’s fault).

7. Your equine has at least 17 rugs. You, meanwhile, have one yard coat that is no-longer waterproof, and two non-yard coats — both of which have holes in the lining. NB: if you fancy improving your yard coat situation, then don’t miss this great deal on an alternative to the EquiDry.

8. You happily pay to get your horse clipped, but can’t remember the last time you went to the hairdressers.

9. Similarly, you reckon anyone would have to be some sort of primadonna to buy themselves a new pair of shoes every other month at around £100 a pop. Dobbin, on the other hand, obviously can’t go longer than five weeks.

10. If it’s about to hammer it down with rain mid-afternoon, you rush out to get your horse in so he stays dry, while you end up resembling a drowned rat.

11. Last Christmas, your loved one bought you a super-duper wheelbarrow. (Other halves take note that this could well be rated as the best gift ever by your horsey partner.)

12. On arrival at a party, you’re every friend’s go-to person for reverse-parking their car into the most unfeasibly small of spaces – they’ve seen you at the helm of that huge lorry.

13. You look at your Dorset Cereals and think: “My horse would love this!”

14. That annoying itch behind your knee, under your tights, is actually a stray piece of hay.

15. You can’t remember a time before horses. And you can’t imagine life without them.

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Stay in touch with all the news in the run-up to and throughout the major shows and events during 2026 and beyond with a Horse & Hound subscription. Subscribe today for all you need to know ahead of these major events, plus online reports on the action as it happens from our expert team of reporters and in-depth analysis in our special commemorative magazines. Have a subscription already? Set up your unlimited website access now

We may take for granted the wide range of equestrian terms we have become familiar with over the years. Therefore, it isn’t surprising when someone completely non-horsey conjures up their own term for equestrian activities and equipment.

However, on reflection perhaps their interpretation of horsey terms isn’t silly after all — they do exactly what they say on the tin (well more or less). Here’s some examples…

1. Brushing boots

Used to protect a horse’s legs during exercise, protecting the lower leg from injury.

Translated to: shin pads

2. Bandages

A type of wrap used on the lower legs of a horse.

Translated to: leg warmers/socks

3. Bridles/headcollars

Headgear placed around the head of a horse that holds the bit in place in a horse’s mouth, including reins, used to direct and guide the animal or a device placed on the head of an equine for the primary purpose of leading or tying the animal.

Translated to: hats

4. Anti-rub vest

A piece of clothing worn by the horse to prevent hair removal as a result of a rug rubbing their shoulders.

Translated to: horse bra

5. Clipping

Trimming the hair short on all or part of a horse, particularly during the winter so that a horse can exercise without getting too warm as a result of its winter coat.

Translated to: shaving

6. Cooler rug

A thin blanket, sometimes with many small holes in it to help a horse gradually return to its natural temperature after exercise.

Translated to: string vest

7. Cross-country

An endurance test requiring the horse to jump solid obstables.

Translated to: the fast bit

8. Dressage

An equine sport based on classical principles of horsemanship, involving reproducing set movements designed to gauge the training level of horses.

Translated to: the dancing bit

9. Feather

Long hair on the lower legs of horses.

Translated to: horse trousers

10. Field shelter

A structure with one open side and a roof, often made of wood, located in the field which a horse can stand in to avoid wind and/or rain.

Translated to: cabin

11. Fly mask

A piece of headgear worn by the horse to prevent flies disrupting them.

Translated to: blindfold/helmet

12. Girth

Wide, flat strap used to secure the saddle to the horse.

Translated to: belt

13. Hands (hh)

A measurement of the height of a horse (one hand is equal to four inches).

Translated to: 13.7hh/16.5hh and so on

14. Haynet

A vessel in which hay is stuffed for horses to eat from.

Translated to: hay bag/straw bag

15. Jodhpurs

Full-length trousers worn for horse riding, which are close-fitting below the knee and have reinforced patches on the inside of the leg.

Translated to: jodpoppers/yompers

16. Jump-off

An extra round in a showjumping competition when two or more horses are equal first, the fastest round deciding the winner.

Translated to: the show-off

17. Lycra hood

A piece of equipment the horse wears used to keep their neck and head clean.

Translated to: balaclava

18. Martingale

A piece of tack that is used on horses to control head carriage.

Translated to: horse necklace

19. Numnah

A saddle pad used beneath the saddle to protect the horse’s back.

Translated to: numnum, mumrah

20. Reins

An item of horse tack, used to direct a horse or other animal used for riding or driving.

Translated to: handles

21. Rubber overreach boots

A type of protective boot worn on the lower limb of a horse to protect the bottom of their legs and hooves.

Translated to: flip flops

22. Rug

A blanket intended for keeping a horse warm or otherwise protected from wind and the elements.

Translated to: coat/horse jacket/hoodie/mac

23. Saddle

A device placed on the back of a horse where the rider sits.

Translated to: seat

24. Showjumping

The competitive sport of riding horses over a course of fences and other obstacles in an arena, with penalty points for errors.

Translated to: the high jump

25. Stable rug

A blanket used to keep the horse warm in the stable.

Translated to: pyjamas

26. Stirrups

Paired small light frames or rings for receiving the foot of a rider, attached to the saddle by a strap, called a stirrup leather. Used to aid in mounting and as a support while riding.

Translated to: pedals/foot pegs

27. Travel boots

A type of boot used on the lower legs of a horse to protect the animal while travelling.

Translated to: Ugg boots/wellies

28. Working trot

The natural trot of the horse when under saddle. It is a gait between the collected trot and medium trot.

Translated to: walking trot

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Stay in touch with all the news in the run-up to and throughout the major shows and events during 2026 and beyond with a Horse & Hound subscription. Subscribe today for all you need to know ahead of these major events, plus online reports on the action as it happens from our expert team of reporters and in-depth analysis in our special commemorative magazines. Have a subscription already? Set up your unlimited website access now

Ah clipping. One of winter’s many joys when it comes to horse ownership. There are so many questions. When to do the first clip? How late can you do the last clip? To do it yourself or pay someone? How often to clip?

And perhaps most pressing of all, what sort of clip is best? Of course lots of factors will influence your decision, from where you keep your horse to what work he is doing and how long his coat is. And your primary concern must be his welfare in terms of keeping him as comfortable as possible through these cold and wet months.

In my family, we’re firm advocates of the blanket clip. And this is why…

Why it’s better than a full clip…

1. You can take your horse’s rug off while you’re grooming him and not worry he’s going to freeze to death.

2. You can stand still for a few moments while waiting your turn during a clinic and not worry he’s going to freeze to death.

3. You can stop to blow your nose during a lesson and not worry he’s going to freeze to death (see the theme here?).

4. You can leave your horse out overnight without being completely riven with guilt. He’s still got hair on his bottom, right?

Why it’s better than a trace clip…

5. Your horse looks really smart with his face and neck clipped.

6. And all the part you can see when you’re riding is clipped, so you can pretend you’re riding at Olympia or on the Spanish Sunshine Tour or — well, frankly, anywhere glamorous — without being brought back to your muddy field with a bump by the sight of inch-long hairs.

7. You don’t have to deal with lots of damp sweaty long hair on his neck after you’ve had a bit of a canter about.

8. If the horse in question is grey, it’s much easier to keep a clipped neck and face clean than a hairy one.

And best of all…

9. You can still give him a full clip for his final clip of the winter and not have to deal with that bit of the year where all the long hair is coming out all over you, your car, the tack room, your house… I mean, we know it still comes off his legs, but at least having it off his back at that stage is slightly better, right?

• To stay up to date with all the breaking news throughout major shows such as London International and more, subscribe to the Horse & Hound website

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Here Jason Webb of Australian Horse Training gives one H&H forum user advice on clipping a horse that hates the

Subscribe to Horse & Hound magazine today – and enjoy unlimited website access all year round

Stay in touch with all the news in the run-up to and throughout the major shows and events during 2026 and beyond with a Horse & Hound subscription. Subscribe today for all you need to know ahead of these major events, plus online reports on the action as it happens from our expert team of reporters and in-depth analysis in our special commemorative magazines. Have a subscription already? Set up your unlimited website access now