I am writing this to explain to any people new to my Friday diary who I am, not because I have lost my marbles. I know who I am and quite how I have escaped the attention of any horse lover with a pulse and the ability to read is beyond me, but heh hum my Editor said I have to…
My name is Hovis. I am a big, manly, feathered Clydesdale of indiscriminate cross-breeding (Mum says my dam clearly wasn’t fussy), a published author in my own right and an ongoing loss to the British show jumping team.
I sprang athletically to fame on the Horse & Hound forums, where my weekly diary entries have been educating and entertaining the equestrian masses for the last few years.
Two years ago I published my first book, an epic of such success it makes 50 Shades of Grey look like a B&Q paint guide. Being the generous dude that I am (and because mother made me) I gave all the money from the book to the charity Bransby Home of Rest for Horses, a feat of generosity only matched when I promptly did the same again with book number two. For those of you who are now more curious than a blindfolded cat in a fish factory, the books are both available from www.bransbyhorses.co.uk and from the Horse & Hound Shop.
So other than being a very generous guy with a funny streak wider than the gap between my brother’s ears, what else can I tell you about me? Well I am a muscled manly machine, so successful with the ladies that Jack Nicholson rings me for advice; a jumper of such talent that the Whitakers have me on speed dial; and quite frankly I taught that Flatlands Dorritios bloke all he knows about poncing in circles. Honestly — I am serious. Please excuse me for a minute while I give my mother the kiss of life, she appears to be having some form of choking fit…
So look me up on the forums [Search "Hovis' Friday diary"] or check out the books to catch up on my life to date, but since Horse & Hound has realised that its website was lacking in real horse power (do you see what I did there?) I will be sending them my weekly musings to publish here from now on to give the website more gravitas. (Well I think they actually said “weight”, but I have a sneaking suspicion that might have been a heavy horse-ist joke about the size of my bum).
So from next week people I shall see you here: Be there or be squarer than single 50 year old computer geek at a stamp collecting party.