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  1. #11

    Default Re: To change horse or not? V long, sorry

    Quote Originally Posted by ester View Post
    same issue, or different issues with a cob.
    Too true, despite the ads I dont believe any animal is actually bombproof 😉

  2. #12
    Sport horse
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
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    Kew
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    332

    Default Re: To change horse or not? V long, sorry

    You've had some great advice already, so I won't add too much to that.

    What I will say is, that you should also consider if your horse is suitable to being a gentle hack/light schooling, even with reduced fitness, or whether she actually thrives on the type of work your sharer does with her.

    If the latter, and it was me in your shoes, I would seriously consider loaning her (or even selling) and finding something that fits what you want.

    However, saying that, she is your horse and if the share isn't actually benefitting you, it probably should be changed (however that may be).

  3. #13

    Default Re: To change horse or not? V long, sorry

    Quote Originally Posted by ester View Post
    Do you think with help you'd be able to work on not tensing up? It does get you into all sorts of trouble on all sorts of horses .
    I know! Im a control freak, I dont mind the thought of falling off (luckily!) but hate the thought of not being 100% in charge and that doesnt work with horses - yes you have to be the boss but you have to work together..

    Im trying to spend more time chilling before riding and specifically working on breathing slowly and visualizing good outcomes & it seems to be working, we had a wobbler a few weeks ago and we got over it fairly quickly

  4. #14

    Default Re: To change horse or not? V long, sorry

    Quote Originally Posted by Psych View Post
    A lot of this rings very true! While the sharer is lovely, she is very young (early 20s) and I think she might forget sometimes that I might prefer to just potter and it should be up to me how the mare is used.

    What really kicked this off is the sharer texted me to say the yard owner had passed on a message I shouldnt ride in an upcoming local show ( sj unaffiliated , Id be going into the 40-60cm, I have no shame being surrounded by kids and out performed by them) as it might be a bit much & I just thought, if Im not able for that, then Im going backwards!

    On reflection, its very unlike the YO not to cal me direct so I think there might be some filtering of what was said... which annoys me in a different way.

    I feel the sharer is almost restricting access, asking me not to ride unless shes there, etc. I know Im not great but I know my limits and I can tell if the mare is getting fizzy and when to call a stop. I find shes fine with just hanging out together, I can take her xc and I can take her away and walk while everyone else flys off - where she gets hot is when she thinks were going for it - so if shes in the group thats galloping, she wants to be in front! So at least I know most of the trouble spots..

    I think the best way to deal is to call the YO direct and ask her about it, then have a three way get together to wind her back.
    I think a conversation needs to be had with them both, the sharer needs to be reminded who owns the horse and the YO reminded who pays the bills, it sounds as if you are very aware of your capabilities and not in need of a "nanny" however well meaning they are, they sound as if they do have your best interests at heart but forget that you are an adult who doesn't need to be controlled in how you use the horse and as I said before the horse really won't care if she is jumping 40cm against children it will not even register in her mind.

  5. #15
    Veteran LaurenBay's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Essex
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    4,091

    Default Re: To change horse or not? V long, sorry

    I would not consider loaning if you enjoy riding your mare. No Horse sits in a field and wishes they were jumping 1m tracks, so don't feel like you should give the mare up just because the loaner does more with her. Your mare will be equally happy jumping the smaller tracks and hacking

    I would not be happy if a sharer text me and told me not to ride unless they were there. Very cheeky and your sharer needs to remember the Horse is not hers and she follows your rules.

  6. #16

    Default Re: To change horse or not? V long, sorry

    Quote Originally Posted by Always-Riding View Post
    What I will say is, that you should also consider if your horse is suitable to being a gentle hack/light schooling, even with reduced fitness, or whether she actually thrives on the type of work your sharer does with her.
    .
    I honestly dont know. I know she loves the buzz of competition but thats more to do with liking the atmosphere than the level, as happy in an showing class as a jumping, as happy with my baby jumps as in a ODE

    She definitely loves going fast xc, I think shed be happiest going back hunting - but I dont think shes unhappy in any of her work either. (As far as I can tell!) She doesnt enjoy her flat schooling as much, but then once she gets whats going on and gets into it shes fine.

  7. #17
    Not slacking-multitasking
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Cambridge
    Posts
    42,540

    Default Re: To change horse or not? V long, sorry

    Quote Originally Posted by Psych View Post

    I feel the sharer is almost restricting access, asking me not to ride unless she’s there, etc. I know I’m not great but I know my limits and I can tell if the mare is getting fizzy and when to call a stop. I find she’s fine with just hanging out together, I can take her xc and I can take her away and walk while everyone else flys off - where she gets hot is when she thinks we’re going for it - so if she’s in the group that’s galloping, she wants to be in front! So at least I know most of the trouble spots..
    If this is the case she gets told to wind her neck in or the share ends. She sounds a lovely horse so if you really need a sharer I am sure you could find a less problematic alternative.

    Re. the tensing, a lot of us do it, I was thinking whether some NLP or something might help?

  8. #18

    Default Re: To change horse or not? V long, sorry

    Can I just ask why you are loaning her at all? If you are wanting someone to help you develop her then fine - if she's green that is a good idea. But what are you developing her for? If you want a happy hacker/ RC horse then her education should be geared around that and not around producing her for competition. It does not matter how good she is at jumping if you don't want to jump her over the bigger tracks.

    Your YO may have suggester a more experienced loaner to help you but it is not helpful if they are taking the horse in a direction you don't want to go.

    I am sure most horses would be more than happy with a pleasure ride/ RC life! Horses don't have a concept of being 'wasted'.

  9. #19
    Sport horse
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Kew
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    332

    Default Re: To change horse or not? V long, sorry

    Quote Originally Posted by Psych View Post
    I honestly don’t know. I know she loves the buzz of competition but that’s more to do with liking the atmosphere than the level, as happy in an showing class as a jumping, as happy with my baby jumps as in a ODE

    She definitely loves going fast xc, I think she’d be happiest going back hunting - but I don’t think she’s unhappy in any of her work either. (As far as I can tell!) She doesn’t enjoy her flat schooling as much, but then once she gets what’s going on and gets into it she’s fine.
    I think, as others have suggested, you need to sit down with your YO and sharer. I would use it to get their opinion on the situation - it's very well us giving you advice but we don't know your horse or your riding ability. Let them know exactly how you feel and see what you can all come up with.

    How did you get on with the mare before you got a sharer?

  10. #20
    Schoolmaster KittenInTheTree's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Location
    Northern Ireland
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    872

    Default Re: To change horse or not? V long, sorry

    Your sharer tells you not to ride your horse unless she is present? My gut reaction is to say bin her - the sharer, not the mare, the mare sounds epic - and crack on with enjoying horse ownership at your own pace!
    For what it's worth, I don't believe anything that I read on here. I have a theory that it's all a stupidly complicated social experiment run from a secret bunker, twelve miles outside of Brighton, by a couple of as yet unidentified sociologists. Along the way, they lost track of who was real, who was them, and who was the Russian spyware bot. None of the above means that I shan't call you out if you're being awful.

    Moroccan Serendipity (2012 - 2018) - A great horse, gone far too soon x

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