When your horse suffers an injury everyone is queuing up with kind, listening ears and sympathy. But when you suffer a horse-related injury you may find it to be a slightly different story. The following may sound familiar...

1. Your pleading husband or wife beg you…

“Please can you stay away from horses… Just this week while you recover? We have your sister’s wedding next weekend, you don’t want to be turning up in a plaster cast and sporting a black eye!”

2. Your best friend…

(Whilst laughing) says: “How on earth did you manage that? You are going to have a shiner tomorrow! You should have seen it… You went flying! This is definitely a video for Facebook — how not to jump a double! Oh you may want to wipe that mud off your nose!”

3. Your un-horsey parents…

“We were so worried when we read on Facebook you had taken a fall! Why didn’t you phone and tell us immediately? Aren’t you getting a bit old for this horse business now?”

4. Your frustrated boss…

“That blooming horse again? Either you’re not very good at this horse riding or you have a death wish! Maybe you should be taking up a less risky hobby that won’t require taking so much time off work!”

5. The A&E doctor that has treated your injuries…

“You will heal with time and try not to worry too much about the scar. I would definitely advise staying out of the saddle for at least a couple of weeks. Horses really are dangerous animals you know. I hope you are taking all the proper safety precautions such as a riding hat and back protector — I have seen some horrific injuries over the years caused by these animals!”

6. Your instructor…

(If you fell off in a lesson)… “You’re ok! You’re ok! Anything broken? Can you wiggle your toes? Right back on! Do it again and do not fall off this time. You will keep going until you get it right.” (If your injury didn’t happen in the lesson)… “Rest! Rest! Rest! Look after yourself and I’ll see you in a week’s time — I want you back on that horse.”

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7. Your horse…

“Why are you hobbling? This is not my fault! Dropping my head before that jump did not cause you to fall off — I was merely examining the colours and off you popped. Can I get my carrots now?”