Having horses is a way of life, rather than merely a hobby, but is it possible that sometimes they take over a little bit too much?

Answer yes to any of these questions? It’s possible you may have a case of acquired non-voluntary equestrianitis, for which there’s no known cure. Still. Never mind, eh?

1. A non-horsey friend asks which dentist you use and you automatically give the name of your chosen EDT, and start weighing up the merits of different power tools, before you realise she’s looking blank. Oh. You meant the NHS type? No idea, sorry.

2. You’re driving round a corner and realise as you get halfway round that you’re concentrating on keeping your outside hand, giving with the inside one and trying to bend the car round your inside leg. That doesn’t work on cars, btw.

3. You’re looking for an outfit to wear for a day out — that’s a non-horsey day out, rather than out at a show, just to clarify, they do exist — and find you own nothing but breeches and fleeces, at one end of the scale, and slinky strapless hunt ball-type numbers at the other.

4. You honestly have no idea how you’d spend your leisure time if you didn’t have a horse. What do people without them do at weekends? What is this lying-in of which you speak? We’re stumped.

5. Your mind boggles at the things people spend their money on. Who would honestly pay that for a holiday, you think loftily, conveniently forgetting that your horse cost 10 times that, not to mention the amount to keep him every month… Hence you’ve forgotten what a holiday costs…

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6. Someone asks if you want to go to the beach and you start weighing up which has the best lorry parking and what particular silly o’clock you’ll need to set the alarm to make sure you’ll get there at low tide. Then you realise they mean sunbathing, and the horse ain’t welcome. Where’s the fun in that?

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