The “12 Days of Christmas” is a classic, the story of a lover giving an increasingly bizarre set of Christmas gifts to his girlfriend, presumably intended to woo her, but almost certainly just irritating her. It never says what she does with the 10 lords a-leaping and 11 pipers piping and so on — no doubt stashed them in a cupboard somewhere so she could fob them off on a work colleague in next year’s Secret Santa. Anyway, let’s just imagine what your true love – your horse, of course – would give to you if he were in this Christmas Casanova’s shoes….

On the first day of Christmas, my horse gave to me
A cow kick and a sore knee.

On the second day of Christmas, my horse gave to me
Two torn rugs
And a cow kick and a sore knee.

On the third day of Christmas, my horse gave to me
Three silly spooks
Two torn rugs
And a cow kick and a sore knee.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my horse gave to me
A four figure vet bill
Three silly spooks
Two torn rugs
And a cow kick and a sore knee.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my horse gave to me
Five purple bruises
A four figure vet bill
Three silly spooks
Two torn rugs
And a cow kick and a sore knee.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my horse gave to me
Six hours a-loading
Five purple bruises
A four figure vet bill
Three silly spooks
Two torn rugs
And a cow kick and a sore knee.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my horse gave to me
Seven bucks a-broncing
Six hours a-loading
Five purple bruises
A four figure vet bill
Three silly spooks
Two torn rugs
And a cow kick and a sore knee.

On the eighth day of Christmas, my horse gave to me
Eight snorts a-napping
Seven bucks a-broncing
Six hours a-loading
Five purple bruises
A four figure vet bill
Three silly spooks
Two torn rugs
And a cow kick and a sore knee.

On the ninth day of Christmas, my horse gave to me
Nine spreads a-leaping
Eight snorts a-napping
Seven bucks a-broncing
Six hours a-loading
Five purple bruises
A four figure vet bill
Three silly spooks
Two torn rugs
And a cow kick and a sore knee.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my horse gave to me
Ten miles of hacking
Nine spreads a-leaping
Eight snorts a-napping
Seven bucks a-broncing
Six hours a-loading
Five purple bruises
A four figure vet bill
Three silly spooks
Two torn rugs
And a cow kick and a sore knee.

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On the eleventh day of Christmas, my horse gave to me
Eleven stunning shoulder-ins
Ten miles of hacking
Nine spreads a-leaping
Eight snorts a-napping
Seven bucks a-broncing
Six hours a-loading
Five purple bruises
A four figure vet bill
Three silly spooks
Two torn rugs
And a cow kick and a sore knee.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my horse gave to me
Twelve perfect piaffes
Eleven stunning shoulder-ins
Ten miles of hacking
Nine spreads a-leaping
Eight snorts a-napping
Seven bucks a-broncing
Six hours a-loading
Five purple bruises
A four figure vet bill
Three silly spooks
Two torn rugs
And a cow kick and a sore knee.