Whether you’re a pro, a leisure rider or somewhere in between, you are sure to relate to these 11 tongue-in-cheek scenarios which only horsey folk will understand…
1. Has £3.20 in bank account — orders matching headcollar, fleece and leg bandage set in three different colours because it has a 10% discount.
2. “I don’t think I’m in a position to buy another horse” — spends most evenings scrolling through social media and replying to adverts with “do you have any more pictures?”
3. Friday evening: promises other half that they will have a weekend off competing — Sunday morning comes around: will most definitely be found on a UK motorway in the lorry trekking to some far away competition because “the judges are great”.
4. “He’s snaffle-mouthed” — said while clinging on for dear life across a stubble field at the end of the summer.
5. Cleans house once a month (if lucky) — cleans horse’s stable twice a day to immaculate standards.
6. Tells friends she’s ready to find the perfect man — buys a grey gelding.
7. Seven-year-old child says he doesn’t want to do lead-rein anymore — seven-year-old child WILL continue to do lead-rein (he didn’t have to pay for that custom made tweed outfit…).
8. Is 5ft3 with heels — buys a 17hh Hanoverian.
9. Has absolutely nothing to wear to the cousin’s wedding — horse has nine sweat rugs, six stable rugs and four turnouts of varying thicknesses.
10. “I really want a holiday but I have no time or money” – books two weeks off work for the summer championships.
11. Eats beans on toast for the whole week before pay day — horse is on a complex diet of oils, fibre and expensive balancer and is fed three times a day.
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