Whether you’re a pro, a happy hacker or somewhere in between, you are sure to relate to these 11 tongue-in-cheek scenarios which only horsey folk will understand…

1. Has £3.20 in bank account — orders matching head collar, fleece and leg baggage set in three different colours because it has a 10 per cent discount.

2. ‘I’m in no position to buy another horse’ — spends most evenings scrolling through social media and replying to adverts with ‘got any more pics?’

3. Friday evening: promises other half that they will have a weekend off competing — Sunday morning comes around: will most definitely be found on a UK motorway in the lorry trekking to some far away competition because ‘the judges are great’.

4. ‘He’s snaffle-mouthed’ — said whilst simultaneously fastening the martingale, drop noseband and draw reins.

5. Cleans house once a month (if lucky) ­— cleans horse’s stable twice a day to immaculate standards.

6. Tells friends she’s ready to find the perfect man — buys a grey gelding.

7. Seven-year-old child says he doesn’t want to do lead-rein anymore — seven-year-old child WILL continue to do lead-rein (he didn’t have to pay for that custom made tweed outfit…)

8. Is 5ft3 with heels — buys a 17hh Hanoverian

9. Has absolutely nothing to wear to the cousin’s wedding — horse has nine sweat rugs, six stable rugs and four turnouts of varying thicknesses.

10. ‘I really want a holiday but I have no time or money’ – books two weeks off work for the summer championships

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11. Eats beans on toast for the whole week before pay day — horse is on a complex diet of oils, fibre and expensive balancer and is fed three times a day.

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