Dear diary,

So I’m still here. Still looking at you kids. Literally…

I think it’s fair to say it’s been a stressful week — well for mum anyway. I’ve been chillin’ in the field eating grass and then spent most of yesterday under a general anaesthetic (GA) dreaming of all the moral-less mares whose pictures have been flooding my Facebook pages. Ladies, form an orderly queue!

So Wednesday morning dawned bright and cold and I was bundled into the field as usual — sporting my fly mask also as usual. However I knew that today was the day when mum turned up looking sheet white and highly harassed and started packing my PJs, creams, potions and lotions into bags. I was then hauled in, taken into an empty darkened stable and effectively washed to within an inch of my life by mum and a determined looking Boss lady. It was like an equine car wash — the only good news being that the boss lady had taken pity on me and rigged up a hot water hose pipe so they were using buckets of warm water rather than the cold shower mum usually makes me have — that probably should have told me she was a tad worried.

Aunty Em showed up and there were a few cuddles and suspiciously wet looking eyes — but then she could just have had a cold…

So then Frances from Equimove and her little lorry turned up and it was all systems go. All my gear was loaded up and off we went to Rainbow in Yorkshire. I feel sorry for Frances because I honestly bet mum was as much fun during that drive as a bad case of piles more like an irritating pain in the bum…

On arrival mum went and did all the boring paperwork bits and I was taken to a big stable full of straw. I’ve never been on a big straw bed so I decided to test it out — by eating it. Mum looked close to expiring from embarrassment but after big cuddles from Frances and Aunty Mary (who’d come to fetch mum) I was left alone to yell cheerfully to a yard full of dudes and ladies. I had been most disappointed when we drove past the fertility clinic — I had whinnied in anticipation of being used as a stud muffin but mother with her usual rapier wit had pointed out that while these vets were good they weren’t miracle workers…

So yesterday I’d had a good morning. My stable was right by where they do the trot up and lameness tests so I’d enjoyed either perving at, sorry, watching the ladies sashay past me or making the dudes jump by sticking my head out just as they were level with me. They should be grateful — I made one little grey guy produce such an amazing leg yield that the GB dressage team should be on the phone straight away.

Mum arrived and like a shower at a BBQ and promptly ruined the mood by sobbing all over me and making stupid comments about me shuffling off my mortal coil. Seriously, I’m putting moves on some fine racing fillies and she’s wiping snot all over me. Admittedly this might have been some sort of warped revenge for all the times I’d sent her to Tesco’s covered in gunge after a stealth snot attack but really mother — there’s a time and a place for these things…

Soon the superhero vision guy — Chris from Veterinary Vision — and his glamorous side kick Nicola arrived and it was all systems go. I had to have a great big black mask thing tried out on my head so I looked like the bad guy from the Batman movies — or a walking bowling ball dependant on your point of view. It fitted much to everyone’s relief and then I was taken for “prep”.

By this stage due to lots of very good reasons it was much later in the day than mum had been expecting so she was starting to look extremely frazzled. I was lapping up the attention, making new friends and enjoying the fact that it was dawning on all of them that they had a superstar on their midst. It’s a cross people but I bear it well…

So I don’t remember a lot more but I’m told a big team of people knocked me out, gently got me to lie down and then hoisted me into the air like a giant sack of sand by my feet. Mum’s seen the photos — she says they’re amazing. Chris did what he does best — saving the sight of national heroes and fitting an artificial lens so that I can now see through rugs and feed room walls etc. I can’t wait to try out my new powers!

I woke up with lots of people looking after me and a black superhero mask on. I’m told to my utter horror, mum filmed me coming back to my stable looking like a Newcastle lass trying to get home on a Saturday night after a liquid lunch and then posted it online. I’m mortified.

When mother left last night I had needles still in my neck, blood all over me from the arterial line and HAY. So I was happy. Today apparently a new superhero mask is turning up thanks to the amazing service provided by Penny at Equivizor who responded to mum’s panicked call yesterday and proved once again how many amazing people there are in the world.

I’ve got to stay here for some time as the team have to make sure I don’t colic, tie up, have muscle issues or develop any complications with my eye. I’m on more drugs than a banned sprinter and am happy as larry. I have every intention of pulling a lot more than a muscle — the amount of totty in this place is AWESOME. Admittedly the tubing stitched down the front of my face does make me look like I’ve had an unfortunate accident with a meat cleaver, but I’m hoping that they will be so distracted by my super hero mask and manly frame they might not notice this. Failing that, I’m going to ask the guy who’s looking after me to point out the mares with eyesight issues. So I can offer “support” obviously…

Continued below…

So thank you for the many many words of love and encouragement on my Facebook pages over the past few days and particularly yesterday. Thank you to the amazing team here at Rainbow, to Chris and Nicola at Veterinary Vision and to Aunty Mary for staying with mum and more importantly saying she’s going to visit and bring carrots.

Mum will keep you all posted via Facebook over the next few days but for now — quite literally — see you laters
Hovis